This recap is already late so I am not going to waste any of your time with my bs (Family wedding. No internet. Kill me please). Latin night sucked it hard, so the producers decided to make tonight's results show a full hour and fill our head with enough useless filler to make us forget LaKisha's storm warning of an outfit and Haley Ho's ping pong debacle. Did it work?
No, but I don't want to forget those moments. Pop culture disasters are what I live for, and tonight's episode rained down some doozies. Simon was made fun of by a bunch of poor kids, Jel-Lo stole a dress from Mrs. Roper, and Sanjaya tried to act like a boy. And why shouldn't he? This is America! And THIS. Is American Idol!
We start with a scan of the celebrities in the house. Eva Longoria's here with some fat gay dude and Sharon Osbourne's looking like she doesn't know how the hell she got dragged into this. Hasn't Kelly force fed her enough amateur karaoke by now?
Simon and I both give Paula's outfit the same look, but I finish mine with a laugh. He doesn't. I am glad to see that even though Paula has sobered up, her stylist is clearly still using heavily. Tink flies in and asks her if she saw a different side to any of the contestants last night and she doesn't know how to answer, which cracks Simon up, obviously because of the accusations of contestant molestation in the past. She laughs along with him and says naughtily "lots of sides!" Ew. Blake should have left the sock in the night stand.
Tink moves on to Simon, asking if he could sleep last night after giving Sanjaya that "compli-diss". Good word, fairy! I'm totally using that forever. Simon slept just fine, thank you, and he meant "it wasn't horrible" as a genuine compliment. Tonight's group song is "Bailamos", and the second it starts, I feel bad for Enrique Iglesias for having his song whitewashed and homogonized. Take it as a compli-diss. I am not going to be able to get that word out of my head. I also feel bad for Powder, as he is the only one who's solo line went by without a smidge of applause, but then when he tries to eye molest me through the camera, I take it back. Sanjaya forgets his words (SHOCKER) and when his solo line comes up, it's a spoken whisper. LOL, producers. The kids all do ok tonight, but it's Spanx who takes the reigns and riffs to the bleachers. Her dress looks like it was made from a scrap heap of Ricardo Mantelban's suit hankies, which is thoughtful because Powder or Haley's legs are gonna need some comfort later.
Tink congratulates last week's winner of the Idol Challenge and it's not a pudgy middle aged white woman! I call BS! Tonight's question is, which past contestant was almost swallowed whole by meat loaf in last year's finale?
The only choice with any sex appeal is Barbara Boxer, so I'm gonna go with her. What the hell? I could only vote ten times! Tink reminds me that time is running out to get my submission in for the Idol Songwriting competition. "Get Me out of this Hole" should be finished soon. I'm dedicating it to every child who's ever fallen in a well. Tell me you aren't touched.
Tink goes to the Grove, an outdoor mall next door to the studio, to find out what "real people" thought of last nights show. Woah. "Real People" are seriously disgusting. He asks someone else who had the best performance last night and the answer is "that big girl with all red on" and Tink says "Oh, that was Randy." LOL, Tink! He then does the most shocking thing he could ever do on national television. He kisses a woman. Smartly, she pulled out a wet-nap and disinfected her face as she walked away. The most honest answers came from a little girl. If Nigel doesn't hire her to replace Sober Sally, I am totally getting her on the payroll as a TVgasm sub.
Finally! A new co-host for The View!
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Comments (14)
Sangina is a boy?!!
holly crap!
1 of 14 | Posted by heehaw
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Posted on April 13, 2007 11:36 AM
It's all downhill from here.
Lakisha will be making her seductive faces and showing off more and more of her melons in an attempt to stay in.
Doolittle will be giving the same performance 7 more times.
The losers will vote for Blake cause he makes them feel cool.
Who else is left?
Ugh.
I can't wait to see Sanjaya do country.
2 of 14 | Posted by soflat | Posted on April 13, 2007 11:58 AM
Ugh, this season really blows! Sanjaya will probably win, it totally sucks.
I love "compli-diss"!
3 of 14 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on April 13, 2007 12:20 PM
HEY, LAKESHA HAS BACK BOOBS!
so so sexy!
4 of 14 | Posted by Marty | Posted on April 13, 2007 1:28 PM
sorry sanjaya...jel-o is already married to a penis lover!
this show is getting worse and worse, but flip-it keeps getting funnier!
5 of 14 | Posted by tulip618
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Posted on April 13, 2007 2:48 PM
I want to see Sanjaya sing Shania Twain's "Man, I feel like a woman".
You give great recap, flipit. Love you.
6 of 14 | Posted by may1 | Posted on April 13, 2007 2:49 PM
With Haley Ho gone... I see Lakisha taking over the role of "Sexy Girl".
Dolittle is too demure, and Jordin too young. Lakisha is the only one left to entertain the men of American (hope Haley left her the short shorts).
I can't wait to see what AI has instored for us on Country Night....
7 of 14 | Posted by Dyllani
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Posted on April 13, 2007 3:29 PM
That J-slut disease wasn't even singing. There was so much going on to distract the audience from her lip synching: the smoke, wind, fire, cha cha outfits, hair flips, all a lame attempt to throw the public off. Not me, J-whore. I know you weren't singing. What a piece of trash she is.
Oh, and speaking of ragged out sluts, Haley was one performance away from a wardrobe malfunction involving her cooter. If those shorts got any shorter.....
KH
8 of 14 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on April 13, 2007 3:45 PM
yay! KH--A cooter reference!!!
I actually did think miss Lo sang live, but it was blended with so much back-up voices (recorded, live?) that it didn't sound thin and awful like her last note . . . I'm not a hater, she made me feel something, I'm just not sure what it was, as I'm weak in spanish and was refreshing my cocktail for most of it--loved the eye shadow too!
Guess it's safe to pick Powder next week in the pool here at work (which I am so bad at this year! ugh!)
Thanks again Flipit, I promise you my first born!
9 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 13, 2007 3:59 PM
Idol Cares is cancelled. HA! flipit you slay me.
I look forward to the results recap every week just to see Idol Challenge screencap!
You're the best!
Oh, and May, I'm still hoping for the Sanjaya in Dolly drag for country week! Fingers crossed.
10 of 14 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on April 13, 2007 9:59 PM
heehaw(#1):
Maybe(totally NSFW!)
http://perezhilton.com/topics/sangina/if_you_are_easily_offended_20070412.php
11 of 14 | Posted by busybee68
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Posted on April 14, 2007 12:54 PM
This kinda sucks, I like everyone who is left!
12 of 14 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on April 14, 2007 3:13 PM
"Jel-Lo comes out to do her number dressed like Stevie Knicks on a Mexican holiday."
I just spit coffee all over my monitor. Absolutely hysterical.
Fantastic recap!! I am definitely a reader more than a comment-er. However, I knew I had TVgasm addiction problems when I saw Paula's outfit and my first thought "holy crap. Flipit's going to have a field day with this fiesta del failure!" :)
Thanks for making my morning!
13 of 14 | Posted by jenn | Posted on April 16, 2007 7:29 AM
Anyone else feeling like it is okay to miss a show this year? Without Haley...there is no reason to watch anymore...at least with her you could hope for a clothing malfuntion....now nothing! My only hope is that she will talk to Pickler and "buy some shoes" and come back on the show.
My money is probably on Blake, as he actually entertains. "What who me?"linda and Lakisha are the best singers, but not entertaining at all.
Sparkly Jordan, bless her heart, is too sweet and bubbly to probably make it.
Sanjaya....gross.
Powder....trying to be Ace....more like Chicken Little...ya still got the tour and metal to play with...
Chris....needs a good backhand. We get it, Justinesque....vocal running of the mouth....Mommy still dresses you (in your grade school clothes, apparently)....let him go, Indiana...let him go.
Like I said....boring this year. Not really pulling for anyone (just want Sanjaya to hike up his skirt and prance home).
However, they should have gotten Billy Ray Cyrus for country week. That would have been train wreck funny!
14 of 14 | Posted by Curvewatcher
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Posted on April 17, 2007 8:26 AM