Akon randomly comes out to sing again this week. Do I smell synergy? He does the American Idol Kid Bounce, where you jump up and down and lose your breath and sing way off key. He would have been eliminated before the Top 12 if he was a contestant, but when I Google him I find out that his birth name is Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Locku Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam. And...I officially love him. The guy's at the top of the charts, he's been nominated for a Grammy, owns his own record company and publishing house, so I'll keep my nastiness at bay for him. The only question I have is how can you have any street cred when your DJ has Sanjaya hair?
Tonight's Ford Commercial scared the crap out of me. The song was "Happy Together", but instead of a big cheesy production number, we were treated to the Idols sitting in the front seat of a Ford and morphing into each other. Chris turned into Sparks, who turned into Powder. You'd think the hair would be startling, but with the pounds of makeup he has taken to wearing recently, he looks the prettiest he's looked. Blake turns into Haley Ho, and I just hope he didn't catch anything. Sanjaya turned into Doolittle, and it was scary because it actually took a second to notice the switch. Either he looked cuter than usual or she was more busted. I'm still not sure. I think the point of this week's ad is that you can buy a big Ford or a tiny Ford, but either way, you lose.
Tink reminds us that Idol cares. He shows a clip of Simon visiting Africa and giving some adorable kids a school in a box, which is what some of the money raised will go toward purchasing. I am glad to see that they included color swatches in these boxes. There's no reason to look like crap just because you're poor and starving in Africa. The kids use the chalk and boards they got to draw pictures of Simon, and he gets pissed when one draws him with boobies. LOL. He snaps the kids neck and sets fire to the village. No one disses Cowell on his dime! Tink says "Even in Africa, they think you need a bra!" Simon doesn't snap back. He just laughs and blushes. AWWWWW!!!!
Next is a clip of lost audition footage. The Judges tell Tony Bennett he has no talent and he begs for another shot. They dog him for a solid two minutes, and it's funny at first, but when he leaves in defeat, I feel horrible for him. Especially cuz he didn't sound very good. He should have come in boxers. Speaking of...Tink asks Haley if she was offended at Simon calling her a sperm bank last night, and she said that she was more hurt. Someone in the audience "aww"ed and a guy whistled like a horny construction worker. She says that she would never wear anything that was completely inappropriate and that she only dressed like that because it was Latin week. Uh, that comment is too insanely stupid to comment on, but I will note that she's wearing pants tonight, and it makes even her speaking voice unbearable.
Powder and Haley Ho are in the bottom three, and when it gets down to Sanjaya and Chris R, I feel a little scared. You know Sanjaya's ass is safe. Sure enough, Timby Cake is in the bottom three, and the audience boos like mad. Woah. They're turning. Gear up for a war America actually pays attention to, people. Stock up on canned foods and flash light batteries. It's about to get ugly. Timby stands as far away from Powder and H-Ho as possible.
Sanjaya's sister shook BJ and brought along Katie Couric as a date tonight. Wow. That girl's a serious star fucker.
Since we have WAAAAYYYYY too much time to fill tonight, we are treated to a rehash of Jel-Lo's mentoring session with the kids. You don't need talent! You need to make people feel something! She sings one of her songs and I get seriously depressed and consider putting my head through a plate glass window. Nice work, Jel-Lo! Sanjaya says that he hopes he showed Lo enough passion to get her number later. Oooh! Mani/pedi date!
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Comments (14)
Sangina is a boy?!!
holly crap!
1 of 14 | Posted by heehaw
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Posted on April 13, 2007 11:36 AM
It's all downhill from here.
Lakisha will be making her seductive faces and showing off more and more of her melons in an attempt to stay in.
Doolittle will be giving the same performance 7 more times.
The losers will vote for Blake cause he makes them feel cool.
Who else is left?
Ugh.
I can't wait to see Sanjaya do country.
2 of 14 | Posted by soflat | Posted on April 13, 2007 11:58 AM
Ugh, this season really blows! Sanjaya will probably win, it totally sucks.
I love "compli-diss"!
3 of 14 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on April 13, 2007 12:20 PM
HEY, LAKESHA HAS BACK BOOBS!
so so sexy!
4 of 14 | Posted by Marty | Posted on April 13, 2007 1:28 PM
sorry sanjaya...jel-o is already married to a penis lover!
this show is getting worse and worse, but flip-it keeps getting funnier!
5 of 14 | Posted by tulip618
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Posted on April 13, 2007 2:48 PM
I want to see Sanjaya sing Shania Twain's "Man, I feel like a woman".
You give great recap, flipit. Love you.
6 of 14 | Posted by may1 | Posted on April 13, 2007 2:49 PM
With Haley Ho gone... I see Lakisha taking over the role of "Sexy Girl".
Dolittle is too demure, and Jordin too young. Lakisha is the only one left to entertain the men of American (hope Haley left her the short shorts).
I can't wait to see what AI has instored for us on Country Night....
7 of 14 | Posted by Dyllani
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Posted on April 13, 2007 3:29 PM
That J-slut disease wasn't even singing. There was so much going on to distract the audience from her lip synching: the smoke, wind, fire, cha cha outfits, hair flips, all a lame attempt to throw the public off. Not me, J-whore. I know you weren't singing. What a piece of trash she is.
Oh, and speaking of ragged out sluts, Haley was one performance away from a wardrobe malfunction involving her cooter. If those shorts got any shorter.....
KH
8 of 14 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on April 13, 2007 3:45 PM
yay! KH--A cooter reference!!!
I actually did think miss Lo sang live, but it was blended with so much back-up voices (recorded, live?) that it didn't sound thin and awful like her last note . . . I'm not a hater, she made me feel something, I'm just not sure what it was, as I'm weak in spanish and was refreshing my cocktail for most of it--loved the eye shadow too!
Guess it's safe to pick Powder next week in the pool here at work (which I am so bad at this year! ugh!)
Thanks again Flipit, I promise you my first born!
9 of 14 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 13, 2007 3:59 PM
Idol Cares is cancelled. HA! flipit you slay me.
I look forward to the results recap every week just to see Idol Challenge screencap!
You're the best!
Oh, and May, I'm still hoping for the Sanjaya in Dolly drag for country week! Fingers crossed.
10 of 14 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on April 13, 2007 9:59 PM
heehaw(#1):
Maybe(totally NSFW!)
http://perezhilton.com/topics/sangina/if_you_are_easily_offended_20070412.php
11 of 14 | Posted by busybee68
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Posted on April 14, 2007 12:54 PM
This kinda sucks, I like everyone who is left!
12 of 14 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on April 14, 2007 3:13 PM
"Jel-Lo comes out to do her number dressed like Stevie Knicks on a Mexican holiday."
I just spit coffee all over my monitor. Absolutely hysterical.
Fantastic recap!! I am definitely a reader more than a comment-er. However, I knew I had TVgasm addiction problems when I saw Paula's outfit and my first thought "holy crap. Flipit's going to have a field day with this fiesta del failure!" :)
Thanks for making my morning!
13 of 14 | Posted by jenn | Posted on April 16, 2007 7:29 AM
Anyone else feeling like it is okay to miss a show this year? Without Haley...there is no reason to watch anymore...at least with her you could hope for a clothing malfuntion....now nothing! My only hope is that she will talk to Pickler and "buy some shoes" and come back on the show.
My money is probably on Blake, as he actually entertains. "What who me?"linda and Lakisha are the best singers, but not entertaining at all.
Sparkly Jordan, bless her heart, is too sweet and bubbly to probably make it.
Sanjaya....gross.
Powder....trying to be Ace....more like Chicken Little...ya still got the tour and metal to play with...
Chris....needs a good backhand. We get it, Justinesque....vocal running of the mouth....Mommy still dresses you (in your grade school clothes, apparently)....let him go, Indiana...let him go.
Like I said....boring this year. Not really pulling for anyone (just want Sanjaya to hike up his skirt and prance home).
However, they should have gotten Billy Ray Cyrus for country week. That would have been train wreck funny!
14 of 14 | Posted by Curvewatcher
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Posted on April 17, 2007 8:26 AM