Simon and Paula have switched seats tonight so they can do impressions of each other. Simon claps like a drunk idiot and Paula rubs above her boobies.
Tink says that Simon actually had more to work with, and he gets the woah, woah, woah from the Judges. Paula says Simon was just chattering on and on about how hot Jessica Alba is. Simon stands behind it. "She is!" Paula shouts out into the crowd "did you hear that Jessica? You're hot!" Oh, Paula, you're hot, too. In your way. She has scooted all the way to the edge of the Judges Table. This is why she sits in the middle. The girl needs boudaries.
Randy is doing an imitation of himself tonight, and it sucks.
Tink reminds us that the Judges don't know the results and asks them what they think is gonna happen. Randy says that he thinks America is confused. Ya think?
Tink asks Paula if having two songs helped the contestants and she says the ones who did well know who they are, but it took her a few sentences to get it out. I like this seating arrangement because we have an entirely new angle on Simon's reaction to Paula.
Tink sarcastically tells Simon he was brilliant last night and Cowell says not to forget the peons at his side. I think Tink got yelled at for being too sassy last night, because he's really doing his best to ruffle Simon. Tink's no one's puppet!
Barry Gibb narrates a recap of last night's hits and misses with Rocky music playing in the back round. "There are four great artists left. The heat is on!" Ooooh, I wish he wrote that song.
Time for "What Do 'Real' People Think?" at the Farmer's Market. Tink sees Mrs. McClutzky from Desperate Houswives and goads her into doing "Rose's Turn" from "Gypsy".
Then the fairy spots a Blaker Girl and tells her "you've got a Blake thing going on."
In LA, old ladies wear tight tanks and scrunchies on their wrists. It's how we roll.
Next up is an infomercial for the AI summer tour. You will only have fifty chances to catch this years contestants LIVE!!! As he shows clips of each kid, I start flicking spoonfuls of Frosty at the ones I don't like. The damn TV is covered before half are shown. When Powder point and winks "Blaze of Glory" in my face, I scream and throw the entire cup at the screen. Damn you! That was ninety-nine cents, Powder!
Back from the clip, Tink snarks "Sanjaya live in concert. Lock up your daughters." Man, Sanjy can't catch a break with this fairy.
Pink!!!!!!! Wait, is she sick? Why'd they send the chick from Work Out in her place? I'm disappointed, but Jackie holds her own. She wears a tight little number that scooches up her cooch a bit. Slutty? Kinda, but that is the point of working out, right? She sounds great in the verse then drops out in the chorus to let the guide vocals take over. She doesn't even try to look like she's really singing. But damn, when she gets to the grovely rock yelling at the end, she kills it. Go, Jackie!
The Ford Video is "You Really Got Me Going". The four remaining contestants are in prep school clothes and they are hanging out outside a school. The crowd of kids on the steps notices them and starts chasing them down. I don't get if it's because they're on American Idol or they're Prep School Geeks. LaKaisha runs her ass off, and I feel bad for her. It just seems like cruel choreography.
The girls jump in a Ford that looks like a Taxi (who doesn't want to buy a car that looks like a cab?) at the end and leave Blake behind to be devoured by little girls. Please let life imitate art tonight.
Now for the Idol Challenge! Which Idol has the biggest body hair problem?
Carrie looks smooth, ManDiesel's too easy...I'm gonna say Haley Ho, cuz she's nasty. Wish me luck!
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Comments (20)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that my happiness made you sad! GO BLAKE!!!
;-)
1 of 20 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 12, 2007 4:19 PM
Not to be cruel to Flipit, but I totally agree with Pegster. Flipit's evil ways have come back to haunt him! Karma!
2 of 20 | Posted by dacoyle
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Posted on May 12, 2007 6:14 PM
I have scrunchies in every color.
3 of 20 | Posted by chooch850
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Posted on May 12, 2007 6:33 PM
Oh Chooch.Why am I not surprised? JHa.
4 of 20 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:14 AM
Hey flipit, did I mention:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Go Blake.
Hear.t
5 of 20 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:28 AM
I mean
Heart.
6 of 20 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:29 AM
Ok. I've been reading you all this season Flipit. But I finally have to break my silence and admit the truth- I'm a Mom AND a grandma. And I'm a Blakergirl! Melinda can sing, sure. But she has no visible neck. She also seems old to me. Jordin is young, pretty, and has a great voice. But alas - maybe too young. and inexperienced. And then theres Blake. I have probably listened to You Give Love Bad name at least 12 times this week. I love it. And as soon as his CD releases - I'm there to buy it. So win or lose- he's a star. And a bigger one than either of the women standing beside him right now. Cause baby, he's hot. And I get that way everytime I watch him.
GO BLAKE!
7 of 20 | Posted by Amythyst
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Posted on May 13, 2007 5:41 AM
chooch- HILARIOUS
amythyst- you have been a quiet little bird. glad to see beatboxing did some good and made you vocal!! i hope one day we are next to each other at a stop light while you blare your music and i blare stayin alive by lakiki so we can give each other dirty looks.
and dacoyle, you are walking on thin ice, mary. be careful. watch and learn. this is a vid of me and Pegster having it out. do you really wanna go there?
LOVE
8 of 20 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on May 13, 2007 10:05 AM
I only started watching this damn narcissistic succubus of a show again because of the Sanjaya stuff. But I will most definately have to stop watching if Melinda Doolittle wins (just as I did when Fantasia won).
Being a singing star isn't just about having a good voice (and I have yet to see Melinda do anything that would ever make it on the radio) its about looking good too. Sorry but large-mouthed bass/radish-head Fantasia didn't do too well, janitorial-looking Taylor is sucking it up, and Melinda Doolittle, who looks so much like a hamster/guinea pig I can honestly imagine her no-neck lapping up water from a rodent bottle is just the most irritating thing to ever be on idol!
That said, go Jordin! She's hot and she can sing. Blake is whatever. He's not hot (in my opinion-- yes I am a girl) and he can't sing that great, but no where near as irritating as hamster girl.
I think the show takes itself way too seriously when it tries to choose the best singer regardless of commercial value.
9 of 20 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on May 13, 2007 10:50 AM
Ha. I didn't know anyone recorded our cat fight. Are your breastesess fake?
I am quietly gathering my army of Blake lovers and will take down all you haters!
His ass does look a little bubbly though, in that pic. I blame the poor lighting.
10 of 20 | Posted by Pegster
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Posted on May 13, 2007 11:58 AM
Nothing wrong with a bubbly ass. Just makes you want to squeeze it.
11 of 20 | Posted by Amythyst
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Posted on May 13, 2007 1:24 PM
Great recap - I was laughing so hard I forgot to hate on Jordin - she annoys me for some reason, and I feel that she is being groomed to be the winner, guess for commercial purposes she would be fine but I wouldn't buy her CD.
I root for Blake - he'll be probably as forgettable as Taylor Hicks but his choices work for me on AI - after all, just like ANTM, the show is geared to get ratings, not talent.
12 of 20 | Posted by morandi
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Posted on May 14, 2007 10:31 AM
I seriously don't get the infatuation women have with Blake. Yes - I am a female...
I don't think he is good looking or "hot" as many put it. His singing is okay and I do think he is original - just not sexy at all.
However, I had an unhealthy infatuation with Constantine so go figure.
AI messes with people's minds.
13 of 20 | Posted by eellsinoc
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Posted on May 14, 2007 11:53 AM
14 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:56 PM
15 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on May 14, 2007 12:58 PM
eellsinoc, I also liked Constantine a lot. he was very sexy - it was his eyes. When he sang the line "sleepin with me must have damn near killed ya" that lustiness came thru in his eyes.
But - I also had a short infatuation with Chris Richardson. And Daughtry.
As for Blake- there are a lot of adjectives for him. Cute. a sweet kind of shyness - but craziness too. i can just see him doing shots at a bar. His looks are very appealing- at least to me. I like watching him perform. I guess I never analyzed it - I just enjoy him. And I think he'll sell more albums than Taylor Hicks. (Whom I never really got anyway)
And as far as his ass goes - its fine. lol It's funny that the big topic is Blake's ass.
Ok, I just realized I'm a middle aged woman intrigued by young men.....
16 of 20 | Posted by Amythyst
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Posted on May 14, 2007 2:37 PM
shia0bundan: Clearly, looks have nothing to do with being an American Idol, as evidenced by Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, Sideshow Justin, Fantasia, and Taylor Hicks. Amongst that company, the final 3 fit right in.
Amythyst: I wouldn't be surprised if Blake sold more records than Taylor Hicks. I could sell more records than Taylor Hicks, and I don't even have an album out. Americans will pretty much buy anything, if Ashlee Simpson's career is any indication. You have to be particularly heinous to have that kind of publicity and still not sell a record. But if anyone can undersell Taylor, I think Blake's your man. What a wholly untalented douchenozzle.
Not that the other two are much better, but out of the 3 of them, Melinda definitely has what it takes. Namely: she can sing. More to the point, she can sing any genre to perfection, which makes her a prime candidate for record-selling. Blake can't sing even marginally better than your average boy-bander, and plus Justin Timberlake already has his act, so its nothing new. Jordin is just too "up with people" to be taken seriously. Maybe she can get a job on the "High School Musical" float at Disneyland.
This assemblage of Idol asshats is perhaps the worst since Sideshow Justin's season, where there were exactly 2 good singers (Kelly and Tamyra) and the rest were some cruel joke foisted upon the American public just to see of we were stupid enough to watch (newsflash: we are). I think AI can still save itself from being a national joke by admitting that our choices this year are akin to choosing between a shit sandwich and a poop sandwich and declate them all losers. Either that, or prevent delusional fangirls with hearing and vision issues from voting 800 times a week.
17 of 20 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores
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Posted on May 14, 2007 3:29 PM
Die_MediaWhore: I so disagree - AI is not about talent "as evidenced by Ruben Studdard" - it falls into the reality show category - "Money, Money, Money" (ABBA)- remember that early Simon reference - wish they actually had to sing ABBA - would have been hilarious!
Don't take me seriously - I'm watching The Bachelor right now!
18 of 20 | Posted by morandi
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Posted on May 14, 2007 10:21 PM
I've been enjoying your recaps very much Flipit. Seems like I work all the time and have very little to brighten my meager & despondent existence.
I feel your pain.(Love the crying baby cap) Kiki wasn't my favorite,(He left the week before) but she was an improvement over Melinda. At least Kiki had some personality. Plus her voice was pleasing.
I have to agree with Shia(#9). Melinda needs to go home. I have yet to be impressed with any song she's done so far. Not to mention that awkward hunched over tip-toeing squat walk she does EVERY TIME she's on the stage. Simon has yet to comment on that tho, just like he overlooks the facial scrunching that accompanies the aforementioned squat-walk. Dear me, if she wins it will cap the year that AI jumped the shark. No, I take it back. It will be the year the great white from Jaws leaped up and bit Fonzie's frickin' head right off as he went sailing by. Sorry, (not really) I think I'm PMSing.
19 of 20 | Posted by SparkleEmotion
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Posted on May 15, 2007 4:39 PM
Reading some of the other comments.........Did someone say Buble ass. Blake has a Buble ass?.....Or did they actually call Buble an ass.
Hmmm.... I am PMSing. Just call me irresponsible,(But Call me!!!)and I admit I just like working Buble into the conversation whenever possible.
Gotta go..... It's almost TIME for AMeriCan Idol!
20 of 20 | Posted by SparkleEmotion
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Posted on May 15, 2007 5:00 PM