Margaret wins and she's there to accept her award in the same horrible outfit. We get the added bonus of a giant blond wig!! Hoorah! A winner I can get behind! It takes Nigel and a bodyguard to get her huge, wobbly ass up the steps to the stage, but she gets there. And when she does, she grabs Tink and mouth rapes him to the ground. I stood and cheered so loud the baby downstairs started crying. Shut up, you fucking baby! This is MY time!
Margaret thanks her legions of fans as her cell phone rings. I thought it was a bit, but nope. She seriously left her cell on during the show. I am glad to know someone's there to call her. It's not easy bein' green. She looks like Urkel grew up, ate the rest of the "Family Matters" cast, and found a new catch phrase. "Yayuh!"
But wait! There's more! She wrote a poem, and it's a doozy. She dedicates it to the love of her life, Simon. Aw!
"American Idol is a whip,
That surely can make one bliss,
For all it's worth,
It has it's place,
For LaTisha, Melinda, Jordin,
And me too!
We'll take the hearts of those who want to exist.
Yayuh!"
It may have not made much sense at first, but when she got to the line "We'll take the hearts of those who want to exist," I had to admit that she was onto something. Something deep. Margaret Fowler, this is your now. Tink says he gave her Simon's number. Ha!
David Thomas of Take 6 took time out of his busy schedule to arrange a medley for the Top 6 boys. One more 6, and this will all make sense. Take 6 is an a cappella group, so naturally David put together an a cappella arrangement. That would have been a great idea if more than two of these guys could sing on pitch. They start in six part disharmony and the baby cries again. I hit the floor with a broom, but the screaming is actually kind of a nice sound compared to the yokels on my TV. Towards the end they get on the ball and it becomes a falsetto off. Sligh wins.
They introduce Smokey Robinson! Wow! He didn't even appear on Days of Our Lives this week to plug his appearance! Smokey's had some plastic surgery, but not enough.
The camera cuts to the giant teleprompter. Smokey. Dude. You still don't know the words to "Bein' With You?". My brain's telling me it's cuz he's old, but my eyes are telling me that he's a teenager. That Smokey. Still makin' the ladies swoon. Well, at least this one.
His voice has held up really nicely, and his song sounds real perty til the boys join in with their 6 pitches of the same note. There's the third 6! Book closed. Dammit! Back open. "Tears of a Clown"! Love this song. The boys sing half a solo line each, and it sounds like they're in group audition. Work that half a line! Powder riffed more in three words than anyone else in the entire medley. When it came time to pull out the dance moves, the camera cut to Blake at the head of the line, blocking every one else. Poor guys! You know Sligh breathed, slept and ate (a LOT of) that choreography this week, and we didn't get to see him nail it. Oh! I didn't mention Sanjy! She WORKED it.
Smokey, being unable to close his eyes, looks like a wide eyed kid. If he got killed in a car crash on the way home tonight, he would die a happy, happy man. Cute.
Since a lot of people complained (I admit it. It was me) that Blake didn't "get to" beat box in last night's "This is My Now", he will be joined by Doug E. Fresh to do it right. Hey, wait, this is a random Inspector Gadget holla. What the hell? I want to hear "This is My Now! My N-n-n-n-n-Now!" Jipped! The song is fun and retro, and I had a flashback to acid wash jeans, feathered hair, and ice cream. Wait. The ice cream is from the present. Chubby Hubby is my now, alright? Mr. Beatbox shakes things up. He doesn't only make drum snares and record scratching sounds, he's also mastered fingers tapping on a desk, the sound of a Diet Coke can being tossed out of the window on a freeway, and even Starvin' Marvin's clicking language on South Park.
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Comments (19)
This was the first time I've ever heard Taylor Hicks sing, and seriously...I didn't think he was that bad at all...
When Sanjaya eye-fucked the camera during his song, it actually was kinda sexy...and then I felt kind of grimy for thinking that...
1 of 19 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on May 27, 2007 9:13 PM
I have a poster on my wall that says "Shut up, you fucking baby!"
RockStar, I feel grimy just reading what you thought. Ew.
2 of 19 | Posted by brendahamLincoln
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Posted on May 27, 2007 9:25 PM
Flipit...I love you and your recaps as much as I hate Jordin Sparks.
And that's a lot.
Thanks for helping me get through the worst season of AI ever.
3 of 19 | Posted by RachWho?
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Posted on May 28, 2007 5:25 AM
Um, why weren't Timby and Wiggy nominated for the award in the BFF category??
4 of 19 | Posted by princesspeapod
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Posted on May 28, 2007 9:24 AM
Funny as hell recap, as per. So much better than the show.
Yeah, our tivo missed the last 10 mins. No biggie. It was a fix, anyway.
Jordin looked lovely in those gowns, especially that sensationally elegant, age-appropriate and flattering pink one. Simply gorgeous, hon'.
Yeah, when the powerhouse talent that is Kiki and Melinda broke out into their duet at one stage, it was so painfully obvious they should have been the final two. *sigh*
That poor little crying girl (the one who loves Sanjaya) was doing her best to cower behind her fists, still crying uncontrollably. I'm so glad I wasn't like that at her age, though many youngsters are/were (Beatlemania, anyone? Boy George etc etc)
Flipit -- I think you missed something!! Remember when Randy slow-danced with Paula? Didn't you wonder why Seacrest and Simon didn't bury the hatchet and jump into each other's arms? That would have been fucking priceless.
I gotta say, Seacrest is growing on me. We used to skip all his bits, but the guy really is a consummate professional, not to mention the next Regis. Take the impromptu crack he made when Randy suggested that weird guy sing 'Silent Night' -- Seacrest made this hilarious ironical comment, something like, 'Ah, yes a seasonal song...' That's funny and QUICK off-the-cuff riffing, too.
I'm still convinced Seacrest is not gay, even if SkeleHatcher is a bit of a faghag... (Am I right - isn't she the *only* woman Seacrest's been linked with?)
And flipit - you were spot on about the Divine Miss M (Bette) -- what has happened to her voice?! Ya know she's replacing Celine in Vegas with an act called "The Showgirl Must Go On". Too bad her voice is toast. That Beaches song has to be one of the sappiest, crappiest things she's ever sung, but it was utterly appropriate for the AI audience.
Bring back Sophie Tucker, babe! Bette, you sure look good for an old broad (62 this year).
Oh, and that mash up was a bit messy, flipit, but it made me laugh out loud! thanks for the larfs, mate.
Wish you were doing ramsay instead of topchef. can't youse guys swap?
5 of 19 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on May 28, 2007 2:21 PM
I don't know if anyone else noticed this, but during the girls' medley with Gladys Knight, Jordin and Haley were standing next to each other and it was like they were competing in some contest to see who could make the lamest and cheesiest faces on camera. It kind of made me want to throw up a little bit.
Flipit, thanks for making this dismal season bearable...you better be back in January for season 7!
6 of 19 | Posted by UglyAllie
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Posted on May 28, 2007 2:48 PM
Donna- yeah I forgot about the snarky Seacrest remark, I believe he said "yeah, cuz it's the holidays"...he was actually pretty awesome during the finale.
Brendaham- I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!
7 of 19 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on May 28, 2007 3:28 PM
Where's all of the comments?
8 of 19 | Posted by Merick
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Posted on May 29, 2007 9:22 AM
Must share tiny AI story with you lovey tvgasmers:
So I was at the grove with my sister and my mom last friday and going up the escalators after seeing that horrible piece-of-shit POTC3, when who do we see going down the escalator next to us? CHRIS SLIGH. And guess who is with him? Powder, Hayley Ho, some other people and SANJAYA. Yes, I witnessed Sanjaya's glory in real life. He's actually quite tall compared to the others and Chris Sligh is HUUUUGE.
Anywho, Flipit, you are fabulous and I would be your faghag any day. Love your recaps and I look forward to reading your future recaps :)
9 of 19 | Posted by PixieGal
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Posted on May 29, 2007 10:05 AM
thanks you guys! i am gonna miss you. :(
and pixiegal, we came very close to meeting on friday! i was at the grove too! i am glad i didn't see any of the ai kids. every time i see one i feel guilty.
LOVE
10 of 19 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on May 29, 2007 10:47 AM
Flipit, thank you for what you keep doing at TVGasm for us. You give and give and give..... and hopefully a few kind words are enough payment for you and those who give you crap.... priceless don't ya think.
This was an anticlimatic final for me but I did enjoy watching it.... Gladys Knight kicked Bette's ass and mopped the stage with her .... and Gladys turned 63 this week and Bette is 62... in Vegas? she should be home sucking off the social security funnel my hubby is paying half his salary too......... just lock her up someone.
You get a small break baby but I will be looking forward to the first recap of Top Chef... Stephan, Dave, Tiffany, and Harold vs. Ilan (shut up), Marcel, Elia, and Sam..... there really is a God (I told you so!) and he is kicking off summer with a bang!
11 of 19 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on May 29, 2007 10:56 AM
I love the way Fantasia has now become the Jan Brady/Eve Plumb of AI. Maybe they can have Doolittle or KiKi 'fill in for her on stage' in the future.
Mary
12 of 19 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on May 29, 2007 12:25 PM
Mary, Fantasia isn't a Jan Brady just yet. She's rockin' the Broadway stage now as Celie in Oprah's production of "The Color Purple." Once you've been annointed by La Winfrey, AI is small potatoes, doncha know. There's a reason Clarkson has kept her ass away from all things AI until now.
Flipit, I have enjoyed your summaries, mostly because there are very few people who can write a summary without sounding like an insufferable fanboy, and you did it! You brought the snark and the spark, and livened up a truly dreadful AI season.
Stay sweet, have a great summer!
13 of 19 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores
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Posted on May 29, 2007 2:36 PM
Your recaps made this season bearable Flipit! thanks for all your hard work. Can't wait until next season (or your next show...? (please???) )
14 of 19 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on May 30, 2007 11:32 AM
Dear Flipit,
I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.
Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.
Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.
I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 5 weeks behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.
Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.
P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.
15 of 19 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on May 31, 2007 4:31 AM
Dear Flipit,
I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.
Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.
Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.
I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 7 episodes behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.
Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.
P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.
16 of 19 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on May 31, 2007 4:32 AM
Dear Flipit,
I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.
Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.
Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.
I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 7 episodes behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.
Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.
P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.
17 of 19 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on May 31, 2007 4:34 AM
Sorry I had it appear 3 times. The signal was slow. But hey, triple the kudos.
18 of 19 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on May 31, 2007 4:37 AM
So glad Fantasia was not on, her ugly face would of cracked my TV screen for sure.
KH
19 of 19 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on May 31, 2007 5:09 PM