Then all of this year's runners up join the Idols to sing "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends." Nigel hasn't given them dick to do this finale. Remind me to send him a Thank You letter. Glocksen gets the line "End me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and I'll try not to sing out of key." And then she chokes on her last note.

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At the end of the medley, the contestants past and present line the stage and teach Nigel a lesson about Market Over-Saturation.

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And now it's time to find out who won! Shockingly, it's Spanx! Way to go, kid. You've made me crazy and pretty much destroyed the screen of my TV, but you worked your butt off...well, you worked hard, and you deserve it. I guess. Kinda. How old are you?

As she starts to sing the first lines of the crap fest of a song we will be ear mauled with for the next year, she's wobbly from almost crying real tears. She takes a few deep breaths and does a nice (kinda sucky) job. Ok, I squeezed a couple out, but I'm built like that. I am shocked that as much bile as I've spat out about this season I can be manipulated into feeling something. Damn you, American Idol! Still, I can't help hoping that the fireworks going off right behind Spanx catch her skirt and set her on fire.

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Dear Readers, Thank you for keepin' me around! I have appreciated all the love and all the venom we've shared and you've made this a really rewarding season for me. Thanks and LOVE.

Flipit

African Children's Choir Mashup

Recap: American Idol Finale: The Final Squeeeeze! Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

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Comments (19)

Rock Star Author Profile Page:

This was the first time I've ever heard Taylor Hicks sing, and seriously...I didn't think he was that bad at all...

When Sanjaya eye-fucked the camera during his song, it actually was kinda sexy...and then I felt kind of grimy for thinking that...

brendahamLincoln Author Profile Page:

I have a poster on my wall that says "Shut up, you fucking baby!"

RockStar, I feel grimy just reading what you thought. Ew.

RachWho? Author Profile Page:

Flipit...I love you and your recaps as much as I hate Jordin Sparks.

And that's a lot.

Thanks for helping me get through the worst season of AI ever.

princesspeapod Author Profile Page:

Um, why weren't Timby and Wiggy nominated for the award in the BFF category??

Donna Martin Graduates! Author Profile Page:

Funny as hell recap, as per. So much better than the show.

Yeah, our tivo missed the last 10 mins. No biggie. It was a fix, anyway.

Jordin looked lovely in those gowns, especially that sensationally elegant, age-appropriate and flattering pink one. Simply gorgeous, hon'.

Yeah, when the powerhouse talent that is Kiki and Melinda broke out into their duet at one stage, it was so painfully obvious they should have been the final two. *sigh*

That poor little crying girl (the one who loves Sanjaya) was doing her best to cower behind her fists, still crying uncontrollably. I'm so glad I wasn't like that at her age, though many youngsters are/were (Beatlemania, anyone? Boy George etc etc)

Flipit -- I think you missed something!! Remember when Randy slow-danced with Paula? Didn't you wonder why Seacrest and Simon didn't bury the hatchet and jump into each other's arms? That would have been fucking priceless.

I gotta say, Seacrest is growing on me. We used to skip all his bits, but the guy really is a consummate professional, not to mention the next Regis. Take the impromptu crack he made when Randy suggested that weird guy sing 'Silent Night' -- Seacrest made this hilarious ironical comment, something like, 'Ah, yes a seasonal song...' That's funny and QUICK off-the-cuff riffing, too.

I'm still convinced Seacrest is not gay, even if SkeleHatcher is a bit of a faghag... (Am I right - isn't she the *only* woman Seacrest's been linked with?)

And flipit - you were spot on about the Divine Miss M (Bette) -- what has happened to her voice?! Ya know she's replacing Celine in Vegas with an act called "The Showgirl Must Go On". Too bad her voice is toast. That Beaches song has to be one of the sappiest, crappiest things she's ever sung, but it was utterly appropriate for the AI audience.
Bring back Sophie Tucker, babe! Bette, you sure look good for an old broad (62 this year).

Oh, and that mash up was a bit messy, flipit, but it made me laugh out loud! thanks for the larfs, mate.

Wish you were doing ramsay instead of topchef. can't youse guys swap?

UglyAllie Author Profile Page:

I don't know if anyone else noticed this, but during the girls' medley with Gladys Knight, Jordin and Haley were standing next to each other and it was like they were competing in some contest to see who could make the lamest and cheesiest faces on camera. It kind of made me want to throw up a little bit.

Flipit, thanks for making this dismal season bearable...you better be back in January for season 7!

Rock Star Author Profile Page:

Donna- yeah I forgot about the snarky Seacrest remark, I believe he said "yeah, cuz it's the holidays"...he was actually pretty awesome during the finale.

Brendaham- I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!

Merick Author Profile Page:

Where's all of the comments?

PixieGal Author Profile Page:

Must share tiny AI story with you lovey tvgasmers:

So I was at the grove with my sister and my mom last friday and going up the escalators after seeing that horrible piece-of-shit POTC3, when who do we see going down the escalator next to us? CHRIS SLIGH. And guess who is with him? Powder, Hayley Ho, some other people and SANJAYA. Yes, I witnessed Sanjaya's glory in real life. He's actually quite tall compared to the others and Chris Sligh is HUUUUGE.

Anywho, Flipit, you are fabulous and I would be your faghag any day. Love your recaps and I look forward to reading your future recaps :)

Flipit Author Profile Page:

thanks you guys! i am gonna miss you. :(
and pixiegal, we came very close to meeting on friday! i was at the grove too! i am glad i didn't see any of the ai kids. every time i see one i feel guilty.
LOVE

GIFFORDSAZ Author Profile Page:

Flipit, thank you for what you keep doing at TVGasm for us. You give and give and give..... and hopefully a few kind words are enough payment for you and those who give you crap.... priceless don't ya think.

This was an anticlimatic final for me but I did enjoy watching it.... Gladys Knight kicked Bette's ass and mopped the stage with her .... and Gladys turned 63 this week and Bette is 62... in Vegas? she should be home sucking off the social security funnel my hubby is paying half his salary too......... just lock her up someone.

You get a small break baby but I will be looking forward to the first recap of Top Chef... Stephan, Dave, Tiffany, and Harold vs. Ilan (shut up), Marcel, Elia, and Sam..... there really is a God (I told you so!) and he is kicking off summer with a bang!

killbondnow Author Profile Page:

I love the way Fantasia has now become the Jan Brady/Eve Plumb of AI. Maybe they can have Doolittle or KiKi 'fill in for her on stage' in the future.

Mary

Die_MediaWhores Author Profile Page:

Mary, Fantasia isn't a Jan Brady just yet. She's rockin' the Broadway stage now as Celie in Oprah's production of "The Color Purple." Once you've been annointed by La Winfrey, AI is small potatoes, doncha know. There's a reason Clarkson has kept her ass away from all things AI until now.

Flipit, I have enjoyed your summaries, mostly because there are very few people who can write a summary without sounding like an insufferable fanboy, and you did it! You brought the snark and the spark, and livened up a truly dreadful AI season.

Stay sweet, have a great summer!

CrazyTrain Author Profile Page:

Your recaps made this season bearable Flipit! thanks for all your hard work. Can't wait until next season (or your next show...? (please???) )

nerrawllehctim Author Profile Page:

Dear Flipit,

I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.

Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.

Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.

I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 5 weeks behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.

Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.

P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.

nerrawllehctim Author Profile Page:

Dear Flipit,

I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.

Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.

Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.

I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 7 episodes behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.

Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.

P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.

nerrawllehctim Author Profile Page:

Dear Flipit,

I did not think this was the worst season ever. It was actually the best season ever. Yet, you mostly helped become that.

Thank you for taking B-Side's spot for Idol recaps and making them fun. The nicknames confused me a bit, but afterwhile, they were funny. Great work with how you balanced out your nickname for Ruben when he and J-Hud were both on the same episode. You called them by their real names, and then you made up a good story to go to calling him J-Hud.

Your screencaps were hilarious. My mom laughed her butt off when she saw your first Blaker girl screencap. I enjoyed your jokes during the Idol Challenge screencaps. And the screencaps last week were funny.

I'm glad you came to TVGasm. I'm looking forward to your next recap. Whether it's the next season or another show (Can you do recaps for The Inferno III? I think LCon quit after the third episode, and we are 7 episodes behind on it. And it's real good. Help us out.), you have been a great writer.

Sincerely,
Nerraw Llehctim.

P.S. Can you go on YouTube and create some kind of Sanjaya and Constantine duet video mash-up. They apparently are in the top 2 most annoying Idol finalists ever for being an eye f**k.

nerrawllehctim Author Profile Page:

Sorry I had it appear 3 times. The signal was slow. But hey, triple the kudos.

KatiesHole Author Profile Page:

So glad Fantasia was not on, her ugly face would of cracked my TV screen for sure.

KH

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