The good news for American Idol is that the Memphis auditions seemed to elicit more talent than Seattle and Minnesota combined; however, that's not really saying much. Anyone who can hold a tune for seven seconds could outclass those two miserable audition cities. However, even though Memphis was the source of my new favorite contender (Melinda Doolittle -- take it all the way, baby!), it also had its fair share of duds, oddballs, and awful facial hair. You know, the usual Idol mix.
First off, let me just put up this disclaimer. I didn't actually take notes on this episode of Idol because I wasn't going to write it. However, some logistical entanglements have occurred, and now I find myself racing against the clock to get this bad boy up before the next installment airs. Apologies in advance if this seems hasty. Also, apologies if I sound particularly bitter. I watched Babel last night, and it has cast a pall on my day. Way overhyped.
Anyway, first up was a male cheerleader/captain/choreographer/possibly gay man named Frank Byers from Waldo, Arkansas. He was so excited for his audition that he brought along the entire cheerleading squad AND the marching band. I'm not convinced that the booster club and football team wasn't that far behind either. Well, I don't know if it was because I was so used to the God-awful auditions last week, but I thought Frank sounded good. In fact, I turned to J-Unit and said, "Of course they put a good singer first." As he continued to sing, I then noted, "He's really good." Imagine my surprise when all three judges gave him firm, assured No's. Huh? Maybe it was a little shaky because of nerves, but it certainly deserved a golden ticket, especially considering that equally or less talented people (cough, all the guys so far, cough) have made it through. The judges lambasted Frank for being too over the top -- as opposed to that crack baby last week who belted "And I'm Telling You" so loudly that the microphones nearly broke.
Well, there was nothing left for Frank to do but shuffle out of the room and do one last cheer to his audition failure. Poor guy. Next year, audition in the North.
Of course, the audition may have been over, but the chaos was just beginning. Frank's marching band started tooting away as if they had just entered the Rose Bowl. Pushed to the limit, Simon stepped out of the room and asked the kids to "SHUT UP," which I totally backed. I used to live in a dorm in college where on every game day, the freakin' marching band would run through at 9 AM and blare some dumb song like "The Saints Go Marching In". Let me tell you something: hearing a marching band at 9 AM on a Saturday when you've just been out drinking 'til 3 the night before is not fun.
Next up was a girl named Timika Sims. The producers informed us that she had no talent, personality, or stage presence, which was true. She also sounded like the love child of Nelly Furtado and a deflating balloon. She was fairly awful and not particularly memorable. Moving on...
We then met Christopher Rivera, who was terrible in a generic way. The only thing noteworthy about him were his ridiculous jeans which had some sort of spiral stripe of patchwork snaking around him. He sang "Superstitious," or perhaps, I should say he bleated "Superstitious." His performance was peculiar mostly because the longer it went on, the less distinct the words and lyrics became. At a certain point, I was convinced he was merely riffing on the sound "EEEeeeeooooOOOWWwwAAAAEEEE." Needless to say, his anti-skat was not rewarded with a golden ticket.
Similarly awful was the next girl, Alexis Partee, a girl whose gums looked like the Great Wall of China. I felt bad for her, on account of her horse mouth, but at least Simon didn't mock her on national TV like poor, deserving Kenneth Briggs. Alexis may have been a sweet girl, but her attempts to channel Tina Marie only sounded like a terrible Prince impersonation. Sorry Alexis. Not happening.
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Comments (16)
I knew I could count on you to post my new favorite...Sean Michel. Loved loved loved this guy...and it was icing on the cake he sang that great Johnny Cash song - especially with the rendition twist he gave it. Everyone check out Sean's audition here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSoqDsWZkXU
1 of 16 | Posted by eellsinoc
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Posted on January 24, 2007 4:19 PM
I really would have liked for Frank & Beans' friends to have dropped Ryan on his face.
What was with the guy who pulled a towel out of his fly?
hb
2 of 16 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on January 24, 2007 4:20 PM
B-side, I think I found the contestant I'll hate for the rest of the season. Baldie at the end. No way they would bother showing the baby footage if he didn't make it to the finals.
I hope Miss Doolittle makes it as well. Not sure if her shy personality will work for or against her. She's awesome.
3 of 16 | Posted by LaSexorcisto
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Posted on January 24, 2007 4:55 PM
Please B-Side, you have to keep on recapping American Idol!!!
PLEASE!
I love your recaps, especially ones with talentless, hopeless, and hotness contestants.
Love you always!
4 of 16 | Posted by augustburns2
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Posted on January 24, 2007 5:52 PM
I missed yesterday's episode, but thanks to your recap, I can catch up! Thanks very much. Now, as for Melinda, after watching her on Youtube, she will definately be top 10. I think her being shy is all an act. Kelly Clarkson was like that in the beginning too. Hopefully if she does win, she won't turn into a bratty diva....Thanks again!
5 of 16 | Posted by roleepolee
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Posted on January 24, 2007 8:58 PM
What was with the guy who pulled a towel out of his fly? hb
My husband thought it was a pair of boxer briefs he had stuck in his crotch... but what was the point?
I love the Doolittle girl, she rocked!
6 of 16 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on January 24, 2007 9:42 PM
Did that guy seriously go directly from auditioning to the hospital? Because his wife looked pretty damn good for having a baby only hours earlier. When my sister had her baby, she was exhausted, laying in the bed and she was so sore she could hardly walk. Just wondering...
I liked him actually, but I don't know how far he'll get. He wasn't that good. I also totally loved Fidel Castro 2.0 and Melinda Doolittle. They are my faves so far.
~Georgia~
7 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on January 24, 2007 11:06 PM
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad someone else noticed that guy pulling his shirt or whatever through his fly. I had a boyfriend in high school that thought that was the funniest thing. It was not. Then OR now.
Love B-Side's recaps!
8 of 16 | Posted by tulip618
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Posted on January 25, 2007 7:50 AM
Except for a possible ego problem, Sundance Head might be the only eye candy for me this. You get to see your fair share of cleavage, don't take mine away! :-P j/k
I loved Melinda Doolittle, too. I'm so glad her nerves didn't get to her and I think it shows that she's that good. I'm a kindred painfully shy spirit, so I'm rooting for her.
I agree about Philip Stacy, too. That clip with him and his girls looked all too "I'm just using my baby to try to get sympathy votes because I can't sing that well" or maybe "the producers hand selected this guy to go far despite the fact that he can't sing well but he's an easy sellout and we have him in our back pockets."
9 of 16 | Posted by raggedy_andy
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Posted on January 25, 2007 9:42 AM
I too didn't think Frank Byers was all that bad. I don't understand why he got dinged for being too cabaret and over the top when Sundance was put through to Hollywood with the exact same qualities. I think the producers want to see Sundance's one-hit-wonder father in the audience during the final rounds. And I totally want Melinda to go all the way. You know she can really sing because she knocked the Stevie Wonder song out of the park. I remember how much everyone sucked during Stevie Wonder night last season and Randy said it was because Stevie's songs are a lot more difficult to sing than it seems. It's still early but I'm rooting for her to go all the way.
10 of 16 | Posted by greeneyes
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Posted on January 25, 2007 11:05 AM
Raggedy_Andy – Sundance Head as eye-candy? Seriously? Boy is need of some good manscaping, and I detect a bit of Constantine level swarminess. Great voice though, and I have no doubt he’ll make it to the Top 24.
I certainly hope that Sean joins him in the Top 24! I liked his Jason Mraz-ish voice, and it will be interesting to see just what the Idol makeover crew does for him!
Great job B-Side!
11 of 16 | Posted by Redhead
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Posted on January 25, 2007 2:44 PM
Best line of the night came from te girl in the montage:
"I'm really nervous... I forgot to take my meds."
Finally, somebody just comes out and admits that they're being treated for a mental illness. Why can't the other 9,872 be this honest?
12 of 16 | Posted by NateTheOkay
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Posted on January 25, 2007 10:27 PM
lol Yes, Redhead, some of us like that type. :-P I understand what you're saying about the other thing though, but I have doubts that anything can compare to Constantine in terms of unctuosity.
13 of 16 | Posted by raggedy_andy
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Posted on January 26, 2007 12:13 AM
It looked like a trowel of "pubic hair"
B-side, you owe me a new keyboard, I did a spit take on that one lol
14 of 16 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on January 30, 2007 2:53 PM
Good news for you Melinda Doolittle fans! She’s set to release her debut album titled, Coming Back to You on Hi-Fi Recordings in January 09. Produced by Grammy-nominated producer Mike Mangini (Joss Stone, Run DMC, The Jonas Brothers), Coming Back to You was recorded with a team of live musicians in Nashville and New York City.
The first single, “It’s Your Love” will be released to radio in October.
“Keep yourself updated with Melinda’s career at melindasbackups.
melindasbackups.com is a web site owned by Melinda Doolittle. Melinda’s Backups™ is a non-profit supportive association inspired by Melinda and authorized by her to operate this web site on behalf of her fans.
15 of 16 | Posted by Louise7 | Posted on October 25, 2008 9:23 AM
Thank you for letting us post about our favorite singer. Without this site, it would be really difficult to share the latest news about them.
FREE SONG FROM AMERICAN IDOL'S MELINDA DOOLITTLE! GO TO www.melindadoolittle.com and get it NOW - FREE! New album released on February 3, 2009! Don't miss it!
16 of 16 | Posted by Louise7 | Posted on January 14, 2009 3:20 PM