On Tuesday night, the sprit of giving was in the air. I breathed it deep into my lungs, voted for LaKisha about fifty times (What? She needed me) and felt really good about myself. I woke up the next day and the positivity had leaked into my personal life so dramatically that by Wednesday night, it was way less fun. I was exhausted from giving. I had tipped the Starbucks guy sixty four cents, the car wash guy a buck. I even resisted throwing my Diet Coke can at a homeless guy's head when he grabbed my ankle and begged for a sandwich as I left the Subway. I offered him a chip, and he started crying and cursing at me. Whatevs, freak. And you wonder why you're a crazy homeless dude. Some people just don't know how to say thank you.
There. I did it. I GAVE. Happy? NO. Tink starts off the show by reminding me that I can call in with donations tonight, I can donate on the internet, by mail, by messenger, by text, by aim. They'll be sending big white Idol vans into neighborhoods all across America just in case you found some loose change in your couch and didn't want to waste the postage. The door rings and I'm afraid it's Nigel coming to make sure I'm not holding out on him. Ah, thank God. It's just my pizza. I suppose the delivery guy wants a handout too. Ugh. Giving felt good when it was on TV and didn't cost me anything, but it hurts like Holy Water in the real world. This isn't church, dammit! This! Is Idol Gives Back!
The votes were over 70 million last night, which is pretty amazing. News Corp. donated their five million bucks, which seems kind of anemic after seventy million votes. After all, News Corp. owns American Idol, which means they get all the money to distribute. So aren't they just getting the money the callers are donating tonight, taking a cut for their efforts, and passing the rest on as their own contribution? Confused? I (News Corp.) called my Dad (the American people) today to ask for fifty bucks to buy my Mom (Africa) a Mother's day gift. I pocketed thirty of it and bought her a twenty dollar book with the rest. She will be too blinded by her new Sudoku bonanza to even notice my fresh, cute new hoodie from the Gap. I (News Corp.) look like a hero and will clean up at Christmas time, my Dad (the American people) feels like he donated to a worthy cause (sucka), and my Mom (Africa) will be scratching her head trying to figure out where to place a 3 for the next year. Everybody's happy. Charity's charity. And Charity's good any way you slice it. Unless I lose money.
Tink will be running the voting off part of the show on the Idol stage while Ellen Degeneres hosts the Idol Gives Back concert half at the Disney Concert Hall. Tink promises that tonight's voting results will be the most shocking in Idol History. Ellen's afraid she's gonna be sent home. LOL, Ellen. Her patter seems pretty thrown together, and when she announces Earth, Wind and Fire, she turns to the stage like she is gonna watch but the camera stays on her too long and we catch her turning away. As if she's gonna sit through Earth,Wind and Fire. Not for all the crack babies in South Central. I almost hit FF. You promised me Pink and Gwen, and you give me an Earth, Wind and Fire montage? If Kathy Lee comes out I'm done with this show. This guy made it all worth it.>>>
They did a happy cruise show medley starting with "Boogie Wonderland". Old guys in glitter and leather lip synching to what sounds like a choir of recorded voices and jumping all over the stage in waaay too tight pants seem a little out of place on relief day. Maybe if they showed Africa footage during the song, it would make more sense. Who says images of people dying of AIDS has to be depressing? Shake your booty, Africa!
The guys proved that they still got it. Whatever it was that they had. As he jumped up and down and ran around the stage like a madman, the crazy glitter shirt guitar playin' old dude had me laughing the whole time. When this happened, I fell out of my bed and came inches from a lung collapse.
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Comments (9)
I think I love you Flipit.
1 of 9 | Posted by Laska![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 6:27 AM
Flipit, the results show/Idol Gives Back concert was at times gut-wrenching and at other times just excruciating. Somehow you made it all funny. Your screencaps were hilarious. I'll admit that the mom caring for 13 kids who was dying of AIDS did me in, and just like that I was on the web giving a pretty big donation.
Il Divo was awful! Who listens to that crap? I lost a lot of respect for Simon knowing he's the one responsible for that group.
In all seriousness, I have to say I respect the AI machine for doing this (even if a lot of the promised big name talent never came through). They could have happily gone on their merry way making lots of money and never done anything like this. Hopefully a lot of people who don't read newspapers now realize what's going on in the world, and how little money it takes to relieve a lot of suffering. Every time I think about all the billions we've pissed away to make Iraq more dangerous and fucked up than it was before, and how much good could have been done with that money in responsible hands, I seethe.
Anyway, great recap, and now we can go back to making fun of Idol without feeling a little guilty.
-JR
2 of 9 | Posted by JasonR![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 6:58 AM
ROTFLMAO. Great recap. While it was a really great cause and times the show was killing me. Kelly Clarkson blew it out of the water.
3 of 9 | Posted by UptownGirl![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 7:05 AM
For shame, for shame on your nast comments about Josh Groban. He is adorable and sings like a dream. His song and Kelly's were the best part of the show. Damn, but that Kelly can blow! She is a one-of-a-kind Idol, that is for sure. I felt like she was channeling Janis Joplin.
4 of 9 | Posted by happy_gal![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 9:06 AM
"Baltar is a Cylon!" Jesus Flipit, I nearly pissed my pants, I can't take it!
5 of 9 | Posted by Justine![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 9:54 AM
Wow, Randy can actually speak coherent sentences. Who knew?
6 of 9 | Posted by joyfulchicken![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 12:33 PM
You have a way with recaps, my dear. I will read anything you write, and know I will enjoy it all.
7 of 9 | Posted by may1![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 1:39 PM
Oh man, I LOVE Earth Wind & Fire. The gentleman that entertained you so is Verdine White, who is not only the bass player, but the co-founder of EWF. I think its awesome that his name is Verdine. It's like the cherry on the sundae. He's jolly, he's wacky, he's a spazz and his name is VERDINE. Love it.
This was the most manipulative 2 hours of television ever created, but I bought into it. If I went the rest of my life without ever seeing Il Divo again, though, it would be too soon.
8 of 9 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 30, 2007 5:04 PM
I'm from Kentucky but I have never met anyone that sounds like those kids. They have to be from eastern kentucky. It almost makes me embarassed to be from here.
No matter, Great Recap.
9 of 9 | Posted by wrathofjade![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on May 2, 2007 1:10 PM