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The Sum of All Fears - TVgasm

by J-Unit

constantine_pickler

Recently US Weekly linked together two of the most annoying American Idol stars in recent memory by reporting that Kellie Pickler and Constantine Maroulis are an item. We have commented on a lot of unholy unions before, but this would be among the most unholy of them all. However, as much as we may enjoy a good dose of schadenfreude, we here at TVgasm are always one to celebrate true love. And when two great talents like Kellie and Constantine get together, how can it not be magical? I don't want to ruin anybody's breakfast or lunch by discussing the possibilities that these two have already done the dirty, but I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they had children. I asked the resident TVgasm composite sketch artist to try and come up with what baby Kellistine Marickler would look like, and I think we have something pretty close. Our results after the jump.

kellistine

Quite breathtaking, don't you think?
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Posted by J-Unit on April 7, 2006 9:33 AM

Comments

Now, why in the hell would you do that to a photo of Baby Dub?

And from what I understand about math, two times sh** still equals sh**.

Must. go. vomit.

Posted by: HicksPub [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 9:45 AM(#1 of 16)

J-Unit,

I dont get it...All you did was take a picture of the Feder-spears baby...wheres the joke?

MYL

Posted by: Madeyoulaugh [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 9:49 AM(#2 of 16)

pray for the soul of baby.

Posted by: copygodd [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 9:52 AM(#3 of 16)

So, that baby came from Alien Babies R'Us, just like the Tomkitten, right? Just.....no

Posted by: cruella_deville [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 9:53 AM(#4 of 16)

Oh the humanity!
Oh my eyes, my burning eyes!

Posted by: Pamsey [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 9:54 AM(#5 of 16)

I thought Connie was an item with Ryan Cabrera???

Posted by: happy_gal [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 10:47 AM(#6 of 16)

And what have we learned this week kellie?

"That santorum isn't just a republican senator from PA......"

Posted by: plexitoes [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 10:55 AM(#7 of 16)

Happy_gal -- Connie needs to lose the beard.

Posted by: BigMax [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 11:33 AM(#8 of 16)

Did you have to make that picture so big? Must rinse eyes with boric acid.

You said "Kellistine Marickler." Now that's some funny stuff right there.

Posted by: RealityTV4Me [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 12:04 PM(#9 of 16)

Every time I see Constantine....I throw up in my mouth a little bit. He's just so icky.

Posted by: hazasaem [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 12:42 PM(#10 of 16)

BigMax #8 -- Good one!!! :-)

Posted by: happy_gal [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 1:18 PM(#11 of 16)

Thank you TVGasm!

Posted by: missmermaid [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 2:19 PM(#12 of 16)

The apocalyptic battle has already been set. The world shall be divided into 2 groups. Those that follow the reincarnation of Lord Xenu birthed by Tom and Katie and those that follow the anti-Christ, the spawn of Brad and Angelina.


I'm afraid there is no room for the abomination that shall emanate from Constantine, no matter who the carrier is.

Posted by: Firecat [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 2:30 PM(#13 of 16)

I officially offer my services to kick Kellie in the stomach when she becomes pregnant. "omigosh, yall, what's a gagortion?"

Posted by: brendahamLincoln [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 7, 2006 6:49 PM(#14 of 16)

holy mother of god!!! ....now can we see a render of mandisa and elliot's love child?

Posted by: aidde [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 8, 2006 12:07 AM(#15 of 16)

Sooo, their spawn would look a little like "little person" Charla from Amazing Race 5?

Posted by: GregnNYC [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 8, 2006 7:58 AM(#16 of 16)