What will be the next million dollar idea? Will it be safe sex in a bottle? A Roomba that you can ride? People are weird.

The Generic Brand is always cheaper.

Nick Smith will be your generic host, whose job it is to pose for pictures with the common people and encourage them to pursue their dreams. Evidently, some of these people wear three piece suits and carry PVC pipes. Classy.

Mom, Grandpa's scaring me!

We open this "thinking person's American Idol" competition with the Left Coast auditions - Los Angeles (where Priuses are status symbols yet no one recycles) and San Francisco, sourdough bread bowl central.

Ooooh, I get it. They're supposed to be smart!

The 4 judges stand in front of a global map, perhaps trying to figure out where in the world is Carmen San Diego? But no, this is American Inventor, idiots. We have the legendary George Foreman. Not only is he a lean, mean grilling machine, he's a kabillionaire a hundred times over. He also likes wearing suit vests. "George Foreman reinvented George Foreman," he proclaims. Well, you slapped your name on a grill that you didn't invent (Michael Boehm invented it), but that's cool, too.

"We put a man on the moon! We can at least make our own moons look better!"

Next, we have the SPANX lady. With 5000 dollars and a dream, Sarah Blakely basically cut the feet off a pair of pantyhose and grew it into a worldwide force - enabling women everywhere to deceive people into thinking they're less flabby. I know they're mega-popular, but it's underwear!

Yeah, I'm sure this woman looks like a cow without SPANX.

There are better inventions. Like Gardasil, which could help save the lives of the estimated 3,700 women who die of cervical cancer each year. Am I wrong? Shut up, we all know Oprah wants to have her spandex babies (she's not having them with Steadman anyway).

Pat Croce - entrepreneur, motivational speaker, skydiver, wearer of ugly shirts, the king of Philly. He went from being the trainer of the 76'ers to the owner. "I am living rags to riches!" he squeals. Actually, you're living rags to expensive rags, considering your taste in clothing, Pat.

Rags to ragses and proud of it!

Finally, we have our token "Hello, I am a Humorless British Person!" ™ Judge who specializes in telecommunications, business, yada yada yada, douchebag. He claims his name is "Peter Jones." There's always one per reality talent show. They're as predictably bitchy and unforgiving as Asian kids are good at math. Apparently Britain lacks thinking people, so he's come to American to find the next great one. At the behest of Simon Cowell...and a lot of money.

Simon said.

Pan to the mock-serious "entrepreneurial" faces. Omg, thinking is so hard! So what's important in this competition? PASSION! INNOVATION! MASS APPEAL! NO PANTY LINES! MONTAGES!

We're introduced to Jamshid Hatami, 45, who also goes by the moniker "Bond. James Bond" which implies he must do Customer Support at Dell, because they usually introduce themselves with an Indian name followed by a clearly assigned name: "Hi, my name is Harsha, but you can call me Harry. Dirty Harry." To make Americans feel more comfortable, I suppose. Bond left a high-paying job as an insurance salesman, considers Einstein his mentor, and presents himself to the judges wearing a faded hooded sweatshirt with a baseball cap underneath. With nothing in hand. Jack Bauer would totally be suspicious.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

« Recap: Charm School: Watch and Learn | | Recap: Um... Who Are You? »

Posted in American Inventor by TVgasm Staff at 4:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: Tony A. on Jun 13, 2007 09:16 AM.

Comments (7)

TinkerbellAPixie :

Nice recap T.Vo. Shame you missed the first season. You could have seen the winning invention that disappeared never to be seen again. Big ole round carseat that will never fit in anyone's car. It makes you realize what a waste of time season two is.

However, I still watched because I love seeing what crazy stuff people come up with. I did like the diaper invention. We have a new baby in the family and having the wipes be attached to the diaper would be majorly handy. Shame they tossed that kid aside. I have a feeling his idea may be the only one that actually makes it to the market.

1 of 7 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on June 10, 2007 8:33 AM

Merick :

The fireman thing was cringingly mawkish.
The therapy buddy thing seemed incredibly staged.

2 of 7 | Posted by Merick | Posted on June 10, 2007 9:04 AM

Ubiquitous :

Holy crap! That TherapyBuddy thing was sad in so many ways. Have we become such wimps that we need that?

3 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on June 10, 2007 7:19 PM

Ubiquitous :

Did I mention he has a website on which he sells those creepy things?

4 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on June 10, 2007 7:57 PM

georgiababe :

Wow, great recap! I don't actually watch this show (I watched one episode last season) but I was surprised to see that there was a second season - so I had to read the recap. It was hysterical! I had to keep biting my tongue to keep myself from laughing out loud at work. I don't think I'll watch the show, but I'll definitely keep reading the recaps!

5 of 7 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on June 11, 2007 10:02 AM

jooce129 :

"Ugly shirt wearer" = lolll

This is by far one of the funniest things I've ever read on TVGasm. I'll get in trouble if I laugh any louder. Kudos on the credit for the Foreman grill!

6 of 7 | Posted by jooce129 | Posted on June 11, 2007 3:41 PM

Tony A. :

I agree with the comments. Firemen all over the country are cashing in on the fame and bravery of their 9/11 colleagues. Yes, firemen can and are brave in many occasions but not all, not all the time. Using the fire gear as a prop to make it through was incredibly...mawkish, is it? I seriously doubt the thing will work poroperly if a large Christmas tree catches fire, given the video shown. The water "gift" tank would have to be humongous and under pressure, making it danferous as well. A well-placed sprinkle head above tree would do a better job.

The rest of the people were naive, stupid or both and I was really surprised Freckles couldn't get his item through. His idea of having the wipe ALREADY ATTACHED to the diaper is the invention, doofuses.

Amazing how endearing brutish George Foreman has become after mellowing his way out of boxing. Why, he's just a big ole Teddy Bear now, ain't he?

I, too, am tired of the invention of the dour Brit douchebag ragging on people. Let's send Simon, Piers and Peter back to Jolly Olde with the millions they've made off us already.

Good start, T.Vo. I'll read you again.

7 of 7 | Posted by Tony A. | Posted on June 13, 2007 9:16 AM

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