We are one week closer to someone winning a million dollars and then quickly spiraling downwards into reality-television obscurity. I've decided to put this week's "inventions" to the wedding gift test: If this show claims to choose an invention that will change America, each of these products could potentially be a great wedding gift, right? I'm going to my first wedding of the post-college years today and I would sure as hell not get them anything I've seen on this show. Prior tests of the invention's merit: "Would I be surprised if my dad (a man addicted to ordering random things like fake bronze busts of jazz musicians from catalogues) bought this?" and "Is this something I would regift immediately, complete with its original wrapping?"
Available at Urban Outfitters?
The answer is yes, 'cause this is American Inventor! So guess I'll just buy them something off their Crate+Barrel registry. Congratulations Sarah and Andrew, I just got you a French press. May you have many joyful mornings of bickering over whose turn it is to make the coffee.
Houston and Tampa's finalists will be selected this week, as we quickly pan over images of our four judges, sans descriptions and net worth. Even Nick Smith is tired of introducing them.
Today in Tampa:
A post-menopausal Pippi Longstocking who goes by the name of "Rose Feller" hails from Ogden, Utah. This 45-year-old inventor has invested $3K in something she claims will eliminate stress. Post-menopausal Pippi really likes to wear sparkly sequins, and her pigtails are no longer perky, along with other formerly perky things. Pippi presses a boombox and out blares "The Love Test," a song that she's presumably written herself. She sings along, throwing in weak choreography and hand motions. It's like someone's compiled all the rejected ABC TV-show theme songs into her tune, like the songs that never made it for Full House and Family Matters.
The ditty goes something like this:
"I dare you to take the love test! Take the love test! / See how much he loves you / when he helps you clean up. / Is he kind to your pet / from the first day you met? / Hold on tight, he's Mr. Right./ This is your love test if you pass this, uh huh, you can be with me!"
Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
I have to say that even those lame "Maybe he's just not that into you, you ho" magazine tests in Cosmo are better than this song. The judges unanimously reject her for the lack of jazz hands, and inform her that she's auditioning for the wrong show. How many eHarmony rejects have we seen on American Inventor? Too many to count.
Next up, 55-year-old Shirley Blount has sunk 14 years and $2K into something she proclaims is a solution for families - Smarty Potty is no mere training potty, it's a "child development concept." When a child makes a "deposit" the lights on the potty flash. When the kid flushes, he's treated to the never-ending strains of "London Bridge is Falling Down." How appropriate.
Don't play with your food, especially after it's been digested.
And the lights flash again. I suspect she's shoved a music box into the bottom of her training potty, as the thing won't stop playing, preventing Shirley from explaining her concept.
What do you think British Man said about another poo-related invention? Seriously. Rejected!
Meanwhile, in Houston, a man believe there's nothing like his invention out on the market. What do you mean by that, Mr. Crazynuts?
Kevin Gilg, a certified prostheticist, graces us with his electric fingernail cutting/shapping tool. A $4K investment that's been developed over 20 years ago, the prototype is about nine years old. He plans on changing the way the world grooms itself.
His invention looks like something from the welder-stripper from Flashdance used, a belt sander that lets you kiss your hands goodbye. I guess he does specialize in prosthetics, which is why he's not afraid to stick his hands in the thing.
"You can do all ten fingernails in less than one minute," boasts Kevin.
"Go ahead, stick your fingers in there," replies Pat.
"I have always hated clipping and filing," Kevin continues.
"Just stick it in!"
He claims it's safe, but I expect blood to spurt all over the place very, very soon. Maybe he's got a fake hand?
C'mon guys, like, everyone is doing it! My nails are so sparkly!
"So you and your buddies hang around and do your nails in the garage?" asks Pat.
"Um..." stammers Kevin. Gotcha.
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Comments (1)
I think Carlos Reid's idea was excellent. In fact, I have been working on getting a product like this patented for some time. I have worked with mold designers and plastics engineers for several years to finally get a patent pending status last year. Check out www.plastiblok.com to find out more information on this idea.
1 of 1 | Posted by Gregory Siener![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 1, 2007 7:22 PM