I hate how patronizing the judges get when kids present their inventions. They might as well offer them a cookie and pat them condescendingly on the head. Molly's invention is a musical sneaker with a speaker on the tongue and a volume control on the toe. Right now, it's in posterboard form. You can run and dance while a tune plays. In 1995, light up shoes were the cool thing to have. I was in fifth grade, and couldn't afford the L.A. Gear kind. My parents bought me a slightly too-large pair from Payless, and the mean girls made fun of me. But I digress.
I told you, Pat has an endless supply.
"Do you run and dance?" asks Pat.
"Yeah, I dance in my room. When I'm alone."
"Who helped you with the drawing?" asks George.
"My friend Jeremy, he's a tattoo artist."
A nine-year-old is friends with a tattoo artist?
George thinks it's a good idea, and tells her yes. Pat likes the idea, but would like it to be more developed (i.e. not a posterboard), and votes no. British Man says that music in a sneaker doesn't work since the iPod is around. No. SPANX doesn't see the harm in giving her a yes, since she needs three to be a finalist. "Two yes'es is pretty good," consoles SPANX. Molly starts crying anyway. "That's a pretty sneaker," says George, giving her a hug. Outside, Nick Smith patronizes Molly further. Are we surprised?
We're now in Chicago, land of Lollapalooza and the name of a fantastic Sufjan Stevens song.
I'm pretty sure stormy weather is bad for old people, since pneumonia is one of the leading killers of our senior citizens, right? It concerns me that so many of them are waiting in the rain.
Retired athletic director Elmer George gets the straight talk from Nick Smith about being one of those senior citizens Elmer drove over 8 hours (without falling asleep, I hope) from his house in Washington, Pennsylvania. He's invented Whiz Ball, to improve the cardiovascular system, hand-eye coordination and flexibility.
It's a low-cost, low-tech game, he says, for anyone from age 12 and up. However, older people should have their physician's recommendation. He demonstrates by clipping the elastic to his shirt, and slips into the two hand paddles.
I asked for a paddle ball for Christmas when I was in kindergarten. When I received it, the elastic immediately snapped off the wooden paddle and snapped me in the face. I quickly switched to reading books. It's impressive how athletic and spunky Elmer is. "Sarah would spank me!" he jokes, when asked about his relationship status. You can even use Whiz Ball in a wheelchair.
A life justified on flying balls.
Then it gets serious. "What would it mean to you if you succeeded in becoming an inventor at the age of 78?" asks Peter.
"A lot of things, Peter. It would justify a life. At my age, that's important."
How can they say no after that answer? I just really hope that when I get that old, I don't expect validation from a reality television show. George believes anyone can do it if Elmer can, and looks forward to using it himself. Yes. Pat loves Elmer but doesn't see the novelty of it. No. SPANX thinks it's novel and says you're engaging both hands. She says you can finally play paddle ball with yourself. Umm, wasn't it always a solitary pursuit? British Man likes Elmer, and says yes. God Bless us, everyone, said Tiny Tim.
Elmer's a finalist. "They are the smartest people in the country!" he proclaims.
Sandra Erickson, 34, is a communications manager who must hate cleaning the shower. Her invention is a peel-away shower curtain that you can pull off, revealing a clean one underneath. Wouldn't you want one? George does. I love useless waste and crowding landfills with non-biodegradable plastic sheets, don't you? Come on. You know what'd be cooler? A shower curtain that was a giant Magna Doodle.
Fitness instructor Christina Raitano, 37, has invented Cart Cure. My concern is that she stole a shopping cart from the supermarket lot. Cart Cure is a handle cover for your shopping cart, which she insists scientists say are dirtier than public restrooms. Mucus, saliva, fecal matter, yadda yadda yadda.
The source of all fecal matter on shopping carts.
Are they dirtier than public restrooms where the toilet has overflowed onto the floor? I don't think so. A lot of supermarkets are supplying customers with antibacterial wipes for their cart, but I guess a germophobe would buy this. Doesn't the handle cover just pick up the germs anyway?
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Comments (5)
Ugh, this show should be called "American Sob Story". I mean really, mr. $300,000 wouldn't have gotten through if he hadn't mentioned the fact that he's an idiot. I can not conceive how such a simple device could cost as much as three houses (here, at least) to develop.
1 of 5 | Posted by Merick
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Posted on June 25, 2007 7:15 AM
What the hell is a new comic book character doing on this show?
2 of 5 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 25, 2007 11:45 AM
Ok, your friend is wearing a Disneyland (or WDW?) birthday button. Awesome.
I missed this ep... looks like I missed some crappy inventions. Ugh. Thanks for your take on it.
3 of 5 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on June 26, 2007 2:31 PM
Hey, thanks for posting my pic! Maybe I'll sell my ugly shirt on eBay!
Just to clear the air a bit, the producers edited out my introduction where I explain that the Six Tap is a NOVELTY product, you know, like the Beer Helmet. You can read more at http://www.SixTap.com
4 of 5 | Posted by Six Tap
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Posted on June 29, 2007 2:17 PM
Hey, thanks for posting my pic! Maybe I'll sell my ugly shirt on eBay!
Just to clear the air a bit, the producers edited out my introduction where I explain that the Six Tap is a NOVELTY product, you know, like the Beer Helmet. You can read more at http://www.SixTap.com
5 of 5 | Posted by Six Tap
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Posted on June 29, 2007 2:18 PM