John and Henrietta Sparks have an adorable dog named Ludlow. They've created the Dogball, a retractable leash attached to a weighted base so the pet doesn't wander away. They make it through. It would be doubly useful if the base could be flipped over and used as a water bowl as well.
Howard Batterman, 43, feels his entire life has been leading up to this moment. That's pretty sad. He's a produce manager and father of three who's spent over $2000 and one year on his invention. It's Finger Tunes, designed to give musical enjoyment to children of all ages. He's wearing a bright yellow glove and tapping tunes. He says that with two gloves, one can be set to drums, the other to piano. "Bomp bomp boomp dootilydootily doo," he sings. Or you could just get your kid a cheap Casio keyboard, in which case they could actually learn what the notes and keys are.
Howard insists that gloves are more portable, that you could make tunes out of everything you touch. That would get annoying real fast, especially with siblings who love to poke each other in the car and scream, "Mom, he's touching me!" Howard starts to creep out the judges with his demonstration of what would happen if he set the gloves to voices: "Hello, hello, how are you, how are you, hello, hello, hello, how are you, how are you - "
"Stop!" says Pat.
Hand piano is ridiculous, says British Man. "Take your hand and get out of there, that's cold," comments George.
Time for our weekly Montage of Rejects. Joe Sparks, 50, has developed a belt that attaches with pulleys to your shoes, to teach you to run. While you're running. Um, no. (But I think there is a point to be made about changing your running stride to increase efficiency)
Dean Rose, 45, dental hygienist, has created the Ins-Tan Abs. You simply place the stencil over your stomach and allow the lines to bake into your stomach -- in the same time it would take you actual crunches and sit-ups to produce real abs. This show is truly American.
Steven Frey, 41, is an engineer who wants to transform his favorite six pack of beers into a microkeg. All it appears to do is open your cans simultaneously. "No, it popped and it scared me," says George. Oh, George.
Whose ugly shirt will reign supreme?
Steve Imes, 37, has invented the Wee Pa. The bouncy chair is entering the 21st century, the private jet pilot insists, and it's womb-like to make the baby comfortable. In fact, it's "eggolutionary." Oh, the puns that would make English majors cringe. "It looks like your baby in Darth Vader's helmet," says British Man. It's a no, and the judges all burst into giggles. Metaphors be with you. Get it?
David Le (it's pronounced "lay" not "lee," Nick Smith) invested $2000 and two months into a device that can save lives. He's Vietnamese. So he must be a nail salon owner. See? My gross generalizations are always correct when applied to ABC shows.
Made out of foam and cardboard tubes (probably saved from the end of the paper towels in David's kitchen), it's a helmet attached to shoulder pads. You can still see the pencil lines all over the foam. David insists it's "unik" and drops conjunctions all over the place. You are the suck, David.
"It's connect to the shaft, this shaft can be turn around, the rider can turn head without interfere. This shaft connects to the shoulder pads, it has cylinder, can turn by itself."
David's model, who I'm assuming is a father, big brother, or uncle, realizes that the judges are laughing at him. Then again, he is wearing the silliest foam/cardboard contraption ever.
This is why Vietnamese people can't be Samurai.
Let's vote! Pat says no, George says no, SPANX says no. British Man says the scarecrow safety helmet is a no for him. Time to go back to the nail salon, David!
Will this show never end? Here's another example of the racial stereotypes perpetuated by ABC. We pan to clips of competitors telling Nick Smith how much they've spent on their inventions. "Under a thousand. 500 dollars. 6000. 10,000. 15,000. 27. Every penny, down to my kid's piggy bank!"
Who do you think was Asian? The guy who spent only 27 dollars.
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Comments (5)
Ugh, this show should be called "American Sob Story". I mean really, mr. $300,000 wouldn't have gotten through if he hadn't mentioned the fact that he's an idiot. I can not conceive how such a simple device could cost as much as three houses (here, at least) to develop.
1 of 5 | Posted by Merick
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Posted on June 25, 2007 7:15 AM
What the hell is a new comic book character doing on this show?
2 of 5 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 25, 2007 11:45 AM
Ok, your friend is wearing a Disneyland (or WDW?) birthday button. Awesome.
I missed this ep... looks like I missed some crappy inventions. Ugh. Thanks for your take on it.
3 of 5 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on June 26, 2007 2:31 PM
Hey, thanks for posting my pic! Maybe I'll sell my ugly shirt on eBay!
Just to clear the air a bit, the producers edited out my introduction where I explain that the Six Tap is a NOVELTY product, you know, like the Beer Helmet. You can read more at http://www.SixTap.com
4 of 5 | Posted by Six Tap
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Posted on June 29, 2007 2:17 PM
Hey, thanks for posting my pic! Maybe I'll sell my ugly shirt on eBay!
Just to clear the air a bit, the producers edited out my introduction where I explain that the Six Tap is a NOVELTY product, you know, like the Beer Helmet. You can read more at http://www.SixTap.com
5 of 5 | Posted by Six Tap
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Posted on June 29, 2007 2:18 PM