OMG you guys, tonight was the AGT Results show, and may I say I've never been more excited for a season finale in all of my life? Not because of the immense amount of excitement that has built over the course of the season or for the love for characters within my heart that has grown; oh hell no! I'm excited because after tonight I won't have to look at Jerry Springer's hyperbole-spitting face ever again unless I'm watching his real show. Tonight we get to find out which loser ain't such a loser after all, and we get to bid 3 losers goodbye. (Goodbye, Piers, Sharon and Hoff!) Welcome to America's Got Talent!

Continue reading "America's Got Talent: America's Got A Hand Up Its Ass" »

Posted by O. Snapp at 8:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

"Yep... Still drunk"

Last time on "AGT"... well, who the hell knows what happened? Last time "AGT" was on, I was on a beach in a foreign country. And I guarantee you David Hasselhoff was the last thing on my mind. The show doesn't even have a proper recapping section because, hey, let's face it, every episode is the same, except with one or two fewer people, right? Anyway, I come to find that the people left on the show are Terry Fator, Julienne Irwin, Robert Hatcher, the Glamazons (REALLY??), Cas, Butterscotch, Sideswipe, and Douchey McDouchertons. I guess there's no accounting for taste. Hey, shocker! Each act is singing-based! I'm telling you, there's a 3-judge show just like this that's already on nine months of the year. As Jerry leads us into the show, we're told that this is the finale. Wait, what?? The finale??? The finale!!! YES! I've never had a better back-from-vacation gift in my life. Welcome to almost-the-last-episode of America's Got Talent!

Continue reading "America's Got Talent: Recap: America's Got Talent: The Battle of Okay vs. Better Than Okay" »

Posted by O. Snapp at 7:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Doesn't he look like a grown-up Chucky?

So it's the 8th week of this retarded show and after the guilty pleasure of watching hordes of massively untalented people go home, the sweet taste of condescending satisfaction wears off and we're left with the filmy aftertaste of the top ten. While the contestants cuddle with their inflated egos at night, I lay awake and wonder why Boy Britney and Kashif got through so far. I'm all for diversity, but... Terry Fator is different. These guys are just plain shitty. And so, through yet another painful week we sit through Piers being crotchety, Sharon being kittenish, and the Hoff sucking everyone's proverbial cock with bad puns. If you skipped the show because of the eye-rolling injuries it causes but wonder whether America's still "Got Talent," don't worry. I suffer so you don't have to.

Continue reading "America's Got Talent: Recap: America's Got Talent: Is this show over yet?" »

Posted by O. Snapp at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

A'ight kiddies, tonight was part deux of the "Tuesday Night Event" to show us the last ten performers up for your consideration and tell us which losers are really losers, and which losers are only losers for one more week. The Jerr-ster assures us tonight will be "a night to remember" but I feel that most likely, sitting alone with a notebook and drinking micheladas while watching David Hasselhoff and making fun of him to no one in particular does not a festive night make.

Continue reading "America's Got Talent: Recap: America's Got Talent: Are You Ready To Rumble?" »

Posted by O. Snapp at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This week began the first section of the semifinals for the thinly-veiled Hasselhoff ego stroke masquerading as a talent circus. This is supposed to be the part where we start to see a higher concentration of gifted people than not. Don't get your hopes up, home viewers! There was still a satisfactory amount of crap to be seen. The judges are still crazy, but at least during this episode I got some nice additions to the ol' spank bank. Welcome to "America's Got Talent!"

Continue reading "America's Got Talent: Recap: America's Got Talent: Operation: Pectoral Strength" »

Posted by O. Snapp at 7:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)