Apparently it was all on purpose because Hasselhoff says that they chose this song because "beatboxing is new to me, and new to America, and we wanted to see if you could just sing." Um, okay. #1: Beatboxing isn't really new. Remember back in the 20s when it was called scat? and #2: She didn't come on the show to "just sing," she came on to be a multi-talented SENSATION! Let the woman be, for God's sakes! Piers, who has grown an 80s toupee since the last time I saw him, agrees with me and says he misses the beat.
Not to mention his original follicles.
To this Butterscotch mumbles a smoked-out reply that in her 2nd performance of the night we'll see what we want. Jerry goes on and on complimenting her, wrapping it up with, "You've got it all!" sounding like a 1930s Broadway talent scout.
The next intermediately famous reality-tv star is... Terry Fator! Dammit! I didn't call that one. Perhaps Terry is our wild card, and Jason Giant Forehead is next. They make him perform a fucking GARTH BROOKS song. Ugh. Isn't this challenge a little more befitting of Country Chucky over there?
Ease up on that gel, Rodeo. Jesus Christ.
As usual, he does an eerily great job. Terry doesn't sing much himself, he just looks reeeeallly concentrated on standing around looking casual with his hand in his pocket (which, in any other situation, would seem pretty suspect). He actually seems to hide behind his puppets sometimes, and I wonder if he ever tried to make it as a singer himself. For some reason, the only image I can conjure of him as a regular performer is in a sequined one-piece leisure suit doing a disco routine.
"I love the nightlife... I got to boogie..."
I know, that Photoshop job was AWESOME, wasn't it? AND IN THE LAST PLACE IS.........
The biggest fake-out of the season, because Jerry says, "..... IS COMING UP AFTER THE BREAK!" Thanks, bro. That was nice. I'm totally on the edge of my seat now. (If my finger on the tip of the fast-forward button counts as the edge of my seat.) When we come back from that detested break, Celery Julienne looks so young now, her real age of 14, so hopeful and sweet. As her name is called as the last finalist, she looks quite relieved and even covers her mouth rigidly as though she might be throwing up a little bit. As she collects herself, Jerry talks to all the losers about their heartbreak, and Jason Pritchett (YES! HE DIDN'T MAKE IT! CAN I GET A HELL FUCKING YEAH?!?!?!) says that from here, the only place to go is up. Well, actually, you could also go back to singing in Princess Cruise lounges. That wouldn't be up. One more set of corny slow-mo montages leads us right into the break. After that, Julienne performs a Rascal Flatts song. Ughhhhh. Barfaroni. Hell, at least it's not "Life Is A Highway," am I right? She's a little off-key, but you know they'll love her anyway. Who doesn't love a 14-year-old girl?
Okay, I know that was kind of funny, but what's even funnier is the other image that came up when I Google Image Searched R. Kelly:
Dude, somebody took the time to craft that thing. Now THAT'S dedication. So what's gonna happen next is each performer gets a chance to do one song that they chose for themselves, in a last-ditch effort to win the hearts of America and a million bucks in the process. Cas Haley is up first, and performs Stevie Wonder's "Sir Duke," and kicks its ass. He is so great and fun. He gives a shout-out to "Arm Strong"-wearing friend Seth, who is also wearing a shirt that says "Duttons," which I find pretty hilarious. Does Seth wish the Vagina Clown Car act had made it too?
After Cas stutters a plea for votes, we move on to Butterscotch. She tells us she had a rough time of it as a kid and teenager in her town, but says that now that she's found music to express herself and a way to believe in herself, she wants to "live as long as" she can and bring music to the people. Did she used to be suicidal? Hmm. In any case, this backstory section of hers actually sounds sincere and heartfelt, not written like most of the "I WANNA WIN!" declarations usually do.
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Comments (1)
All four are truly winners already. And you're a winner for writing great recaps. And I'm a winner for not watching.
I'd be happy for whoever wins - they are all likeable. (But, gee, do they deserve a million bucks, especially compared to the people on Last Comic Standing or So You Think You Can Dance?)
If I had to decide, I'd give first nod to the beat box girl, and 4th place to over the rainbow (mostly because she isn't ready yet).
1 of 1 | Posted by NightWalker
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Posted on August 16, 2007 8:37 AM