Jerry starts off the show by saying tonight's the night we've all been waiting for. I'll drink to that. Sharon's wearing all of her finest jewels in honor of the occasion and Piers has even made it out of the hospital (for his broken ribs and inflation of ego) to be here. Which leads me to wonder, why do the judges even need to be here for this episode? They barely say three words all night. After a recap of the final 4 from last week (including the following dreaded words uttered: "The journey has been incredible"), we get to see a joint performance from the Top 10 acts, kicked off by one big flashback of the last 10 mediocre weeks. This really is a crazy sight to see, all 10 acts at once: singers here, ventriloquists there, shirtless karate dancers kicking the audience's ass, Caribbean gymnasts over there... It really is a circus, all to the retro tunes of "Celebrate Good Times" (come on!).

Ew, creepy

Ew Ew Ew, creepy

What is with that guy and his tongue? Other than that, yeah, it's so corny and white-bread, I feel like I should be wearing a big Hawaiian shirt and asking if you'd like a refill on your spritzer. And watching one of those PBS "My Generation" music specials.

After that very special performance, Jerry licks our collective taint by warning us not to go anywhere, because the surprise guest star that Butterscotch will be singing with is SO FUCKING HUGE. Well, I certainly can't wait. Turns out it's some guy named Sean Kingston? Apparently he has a hit song, but I didn't recognize his name until they started to play his song, and then I went, "OOOOHHHHHH, yeah, they played that song on 'The Hills' this week." B-scotch says they give it a new twist together, but it sounds pretty much the same. Seems to me like she's just a backup dancer who lip synchs to prerecorded synthesized voices?

Jerry starts his interview with her off by beatboxing a little bit and making all of America cringe at once. Never knew that could be done. Then he shows her a special video message from her grandmother, who quivers and tells her that she'll always be a star in her heart.

Sure, make the tough girl cry.

Next up to perform is Terry Fator, who says when he heard he'd be performing with a special guest, he just waited by the phone.

Lost in the land of ugly, bland colors.

Oh editors. So clever! My goodness. And when Terry found out who it is, he nearly shit his pants! So who could it be? Tony Bennett? Stevie Wonder? David Hasselhoff?

It's not easy being a 300-year-old puppet.

Now that's fucking precious. Together they indulge us in a light rock favorite by James Taylor, and I have a feeling ol' Terry is capturing the hearts of every middle-aged woman who longs for her 1970s self and summer romance.

You know, somehow it's more impressive to me when Terry sings as well, maybe because then he doesn't look so stiff next to his puppet. (I've never written puppet before and made it seem so dirty, by the way.) It would be even MORE impressive if his little "James Taylor" played the guitar, but hey, procrastinating snarky writers can't be choosers, now can we? Post-performance, Terry gets a loving message from Miss Piggy, who appears to be his ultimate fantasy, and fills his spank bank for the rest of his life. I bet he'd like to put his hand up her... well, you know.

Now we get to see another fake reenactment of Julienne Irwin when she found out who she would get to perform with, and from the looks of it she's an Amazon woman.

Nope! It's just a cute li'l bunny wearing a blonde wig and blue eyeshadow!

Somebody get her some lettuce to nibble on. Keep those teeth busy, hmm?

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Posted in America's Got Talent by O. Snapp at 8:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: O. Snapp on Aug 25, 2007 11:23 PM.

Comments (7)

rhm :

Great recaps, O Snapp! They kept me hooked on this show & were more than an adequate substitute on the weeks when I missed it. I, too, was incredibly bummed that Butterscotch lost. I'm also a big fan of the Plus Sized Pussies, but let's face it, they really weren't great singers or dancers. I just admired their chutzpah.

1 of 7 | Posted by rhm | Posted on August 22, 2007 11:21 AM

dmbislove :

You are actually one of my favorite recappers and I just wanted to say you did a great job!

Did you really want Butterscotch to win? My bf did as well, but I don't get it. She couldn't sing, and the last time I actually watched this show she didn't even beatbox which was supposed to be her talent. And yeah the puppet guy was good, but Cas should have won, he was the best.

Although I'm embarrassed to admit it, I love the song Red Red Wine!

Anyway can't wait to read your recaps in the future.

2 of 7 | Posted by dmbislove | Posted on August 22, 2007 12:01 PM

Tony A. :

So sue me. As talent goes, Terry Fator showed more than anyone else. His act is impressive, actually singing in someone else's voice through a freaking puppet and NOT moving his lips. Hell, Rich Little made a living impersonating straight out.

I liked Butterscotch's 'tude when she first started her trek. Cocky and in your face, cool and tough. Then they started gentrifying her. They took away her edge and turned her into a black Julienne. Too bad.

Cas was definitely my second choice and I think he'll make a great go of this chance. And I, too, like UB-40's rendition of "Red, red wine". Sorry 'bout that.

As a showcase of American talent the show is as cheesy as its "judges" and the host. Truly mediocre talent that wouldn't pass first audition over at "Idol". I mean, "boy Shakira"? and the Bollywood dancer? And, heven help us, THE DUTTONS?

Mercifully, it's over. What the hell, it keeps the Hoff employed. But we need another dour Englishman. Piers is just an asshole.

3 of 7 | Posted by Tony A. | Posted on August 23, 2007 6:35 AM

james_woods_rules :

I too, very much like Red Red Wine, written by Neil Diamond and sung very well by the UB40. That puppet guy WAS super talented. He won me over with Roy Orbison turtle.

4 of 7 | Posted by james_woods_rules | Posted on August 23, 2007 12:27 PM

bdos88 :

O. Snapp, thanks for taking the bullets for us, I can't believe you actually sat through every episode of htis drek. Any idea which show you will be recapping next?

5 of 7 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on August 24, 2007 4:23 PM

NightWalker :

Thanks, again, for taking the bullet(s) so I didn't have to watch.

Great recapping.

This poor imitation of The Gong Show is a real waste of time (TG4 the DVR).

6 of 7 | Posted by NightWalker | Posted on August 24, 2007 4:38 PM

O. Snapp :

Hey y'all, thanks for your comments! I'm glad to give you a giggle now and then. The next show I'll be making sure you don't have to watch is "The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search For The Next Doll" which I also did last season. It's gonna be awesome! See you in a few weeks!

7 of 7 | Posted by O. Snapp | Posted on August 25, 2007 11:23 PM

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