5. Corina Brouder
So my best friend Carla told me that maybe I'd meet my next girlfriend through writing for TVgasm, and now I'm hoping she's right, because Corina Brouder is hot in a really great hippie kind of way, and lives right in the Boogie Down Bronx. She's also really good at playing the harp and sings Angel by Sarah McLachlan without making me want to hurl myself from my fire escape.
6. Dave Smith
Dave Smith is a controtionist (finally!) who plays the guitar and sings. It's kinda creepy, but he's actually better at being funny than he is at singing or cantorting. When Piers asks him why, God why, can he do that, he says, I guess I need the attenton. He's going through.
7. PBM
PBM is a high energy rock band from Detroit that are like a Yellowcard or Fall Out Boy. They are good, but Piers correctly says that they need a new lead singer. He is kind of bland and off-key the whole time, but I can't help liking the band in spite of myself. I hope he was just nervous, because this band could be the next band that you complain about hearing too much of on the radio. The Hoff throws a lot of Bros and Mans their way and loved them. For a second it seems like Brandy is going to agree with Piers, but totally craves to the roar of the crowd.
8. Frank Simon
Frank Simon's talent is reminding me of my dad. Except my dad speaks way better english and can't balance bikes and ovens on his face. But Frank is also foreign and seems like a nice guy. And he's super excited about being on the show. He doesn't really understand what the judges are saying, but he keeps on screaming: "CLAP FOR ME!" The audience loves him, but the judges just smile and send him on his way.
9. Matther Furhman
Matther Furhman has just gotten out of a tour of duty in Iraq, and is going to do some beatboxing. For some reason he can't beatox with his shirt on, so he quickly loses it. Well, I guess if I looked like Mr. Furhman, I'd be typing this recap with my shirt off and a webcam on for the world to see. Unfortunately, he's not very good, and while PIers admires his guns, he doesn't make it through. Funnily enough, The Reege says that The Hoff used to look like Matther when he was on Baywatch. Umm...
10. Michelle L'amour
Michelle L'amour majored in Finance, but her real passion is stripping. The Hoff and Piers get all hot and bothered by her Naughty Snow White act. Brandy is digusted however, and keeps trying to reach for their buzzers. Unfortunately their buzzers are fully erect, but she gets to them before Michelle shows us her two Dwarves and poisoned apple. The Hoff and Piers are going nuts, and I wonder if you can sue celebrities for sexual harrassment if you are a contestant on a reality show. Yeah, who doesn't love a woman stripping on national television, but I don't buy Piers and The Hoff's excitement over Michelle's pasty, seond rate strip club body. I also don't buy Brandy's disgust with Michelle. Do I need to remind you, Moesha, that last week you voted through the world's oldest male stripper?
11. Sideswipe
Sideswipe is a group of three guys who have all sorts of crazy Martial Arts titles between them all. My little cousins Michael and Daniel, grew up doing all this Karate mumbo jumbo competing in Karate Kid crane kick style tournaments and getting bunches of different fancy belts, so I can tell that these Sideswipe guys are pretty good. They are sharp and really, really intense, while still being fun. And I like watching people do flips. Piers thinks they are front runners in the competition.
12. Marlon Reynolds
Marlon Reynolds didn't get out even a few bars of his song before getting the Triple-X from the judges. Best of all, I received an e-mail this week, from one of our readers, Christopher, who told me that poor Marlon was in a musical theatre production with him a few months ago, where he was the same weird off-key singer that he was on the show. This just goes to show you how REAL this REALITY TV show is!
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Comments (14)
All That: Cute cloggers.
William J. McGowan: As soon as he said "I never had voice lessons and EVERYONE says I'm great!", I knew he was a deluded fool.
Leonid the Magnificent: What a drama queen! That call back was staged? I'm shocked (SHOCKED!) to read that!
Elliot Zimet: Last week's bird-act lady should get some hints from this guy on how to do it.
PBM: Isn't Ska sppsd to be sung the way the lead singer sang?
Matther Furhman: Nice bod, but doing "beat-box" is SO 1990's. He should have done a stripper act instead.
Michelle L'amour: This stripper is " close to getting a "cease and desist" order from Disney for that costume.
Sideswipe: Impressive, but I was over it after five seconds.
Bianca Ryan: Wow. Impressive. Pre-crack Witney Houston good.
1 of 14 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 3, 2006 7:32 AM
Michelle L'Amour is not a stripper. I saw her on MSNBC a few months ago and she's supposedly an award-winning burlesque dancer and teaches burlesque aerobics. So yeah, she wasn't going any further than she did. And yes, the reactions of the guys on MSNBC were the same of Piers and the Hoff.
2 of 14 | Posted by rwhip923
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Posted on July 3, 2006 9:00 AM
Concerning my comments about Michelle L'Amour's costume looking like a certain character in a certain Disney cartoon, I am guessing NBC forced her to change it from this one http://www.lavendercabaret.com/Michelle/gallery_studio/untitled-9_3a.jpg so Disneyt wouldn't sue them.
3 of 14 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 3, 2006 11:45 AM
This show is just The Gong Show without the gong. And yes, I realize that reference means I'm old. This is not talent, people, this is a freak show.
That being said, Umnata, I enjoyed the recap except that you need to use spell check, grammar check and re-read it before you post it check. A few times I thought I'd developed dyslexia!
4 of 14 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on July 3, 2006 2:22 PM
That snow white thing, was actually pretty hot.. until the zoom in on the pasty white thighs. :)
She's cute though, I want more!
Love this show, how guilty a pleasure, as much as I hate Hoff & Bran-duh.
5 of 14 | Posted by pupkick
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Posted on July 3, 2006 8:41 PM
I guess I'm sexist because I didn't mind it when the guys showed off their six packs but I was grossed out when Snow White showed off her pasty pear-shaped body. This show makes me miss American Idol all the more because Simon would have run all of them off the stage the moment clothing started coming off. Why he lets them get away with it on this show, I don't know. I guess this falls under his classification of "talent." But AGT will do for now, since not much else is on.
6 of 14 | Posted by Aries
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Posted on July 3, 2006 9:35 PM
Yes, the "talent" they allow on this shown is too broad.
7 of 14 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 5, 2006 7:20 AM
Umnata - I really really enjoy your recaps! You take a show that's just "o-k" and turn it into an recap that's thoroughly hilarious.
8 of 14 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:05 PM
this show has more editing than The Real World... seriously, i went to the taping, and Reege wasn't even there. VERY edited... some of the talent wasn't exactly what it was shown to be.
9 of 14 | Posted by littlemonster
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Posted on July 6, 2006 3:23 AM
Come on, Umnata. Michelle L'amour doesn't really look all that bad. So what if she's not overcooked like Pamela Anderson? Try Googling some of her other work. She's hot, pasty thighs and all. ;-)
10 of 14 | Posted by ZE-Jay
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Posted on July 12, 2006 8:17 PM
How may I contact Leonid ?
email or address ?
He is great.
11 of 14 | Posted by ALEXANDER THE GREAT
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Posted on July 20, 2006 7:44 AM
How may I contact VASILIEV ?
He was great.
12 of 14 | Posted by ALEXANDER THE GREAT
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Posted on July 20, 2006 7:48 AM
I totaly disagree with your opinion on Leionid the Magnificent. I'm Russian too, and I'll tell you that its not as cold in Russia as you think. First LEARN about the weather in Russia before talking about it.America is a country of immigrants and the fact that Leonid is Russian doesn't mean anything and you don't have a reason of making fun of him! This show is not about whos a transvestite but about whos got talent and I'll tell you-he has one!!!!!! Oh, well I don't give a care if you won't post this but at least I've told you everyting that I thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13 of 14 | Posted by russian girl
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Posted on July 20, 2006 5:30 PM
Leonid the magnificent find more on Leo-Leopatra dot com
14 of 14 | Posted by takard | Posted on July 31, 2008 4:26 AM