Welcome back to another night of America's Got Talent, and Hopefully Another Susan Boyle. Tonight we resume our search for more talent, more terrible acts
that will be far more entertaining than the talented ones, and another moment to compete with the little kids singing "God Bless America" for Most
Nauseatingly Sweet Act. Fortunately, our crack team of judges and your favorite recapper are back to guide you through this harrowing process.
Unfortunately, we're stuck with another night of Nick Cannon, who once again is out to show us why the show is not called America's Hosts Got Talent.
Enough wandering intro, let's start the show!
Cannon welcomes us to "The Greatest Talent Show on Earth," and while I will agree it's probably better than the one we used to have at my elementary school, how many talent shows are out there, really? After the main titles, Nick welcomes us AGAIN (talk about your short-term memory) to the show that takes ordinary people with talent and transforms them forever. It basically tears them down and eliminates what remains of their self-esteem, except for the one that it catapults into unwanted fame and nervous breakdowns, but we can forgive Nick for not knowing what happens to famous people.
.
So we're still in Seattle (and after flipping us New York, Seattle, New York, Seattle the producers really need to make up their goddamn minds) and we're ready for the contestants to face "the toughest crowd in America." A panel of TVgasm recappers? No, it's just the friendly citizens of the Pacific Northwest, who settled in for a long day of destroying dreams. A quick introduction for our three judges (what, no push-ups, Hoff?) and we're ready to go!
Suddenly, very mellow music plays and Nick switches to his Very Special Episode voice to remind us that this competition can give a second chance to those who have given up on their dreams while the editors play Russian Roulette with the contestants and force us to guess which gentle-looking hopeful Nick is talking about. Turns out it's a stay-at-home mom who likes to sing while doing basic chores, so she's basically Maria Von Trapp: The Later Years. Confirming my suspicions and making me feel kind of cheap for making the same comparison as the producers, we get "Edelweiss" played in the background as she tells us how her children have inspired her to follow her dream and sing.
But then! Our darling housewife comes to perform dressed in black leather, a spiked collar, and what I hope to God is supposed to be a cat tail. Oh, you crafty producers! I was ready for Julie Andrews, and instead I get Britanny Andrews. But it's the twenty-first century and I'm open-minded, let's see what OH GOD SHE HAS A RIDING CROP. She does a little yodel and talks about pain, then begins to yodel more. Surprisingly, she isn't bad and the crowd seems to like her. Nick, angry that she has already shown more personality AND talent then him, calls her oddly entertaining and proclaims that she could spank him anytime. Entertainment-wise, I think she just did, Nick. Piers calls her a "giant, yodeling, dominatrix," which I'm sure will make her children very proud, and Sharon can't stop laughing. Our dominatrix gets three "yahs" and is on to the next round. And honestly, she's the best suited to Vegas so far.
Seemingly only to show that I spoke too soon, the next act is entirely composed of weird, robotic things. Oh, sorry, that's the judges' panel. Hey-oh! But in all seriousness, the act is robots which Nick proclaims is "hot." Thanks Nick, why don't you head over to another channel and try to be Paris Hilton's BFF, k? The robots dance and play musical instruments, but besides being guys in cool suits don't really have any talent. David Hasselhoff can sympathize and the judges vote them through anyway, and we keep moving at a rapid pace.
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Comments (1)
You caught all the parts of the show that drove me nuts (the Switching between New York and Seattle, David Hasselhoff's overuse of what this show is about) However, I disagreed on 1 notable item:
but we can forgive Nick for not knowing what happens to famous people
Believe it or not, he is actually somewhat famous in his own right. I know him mostly from Wild N Out (a new school spin-off of Whose Line Is It Anyway). Believe it or not, he is actually funny on there.
I actually find Nick funny, but maybe it's just me...
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:30 AM