This time we're in Miami (so we thankfully don't need to hear Nick Cannon say "Pacific Northwest" anymore) and our host is trying his hand at some Miami Vice humor. I don't know, before my time. He boats off into the distance (and hopefully Cuba) and we're ready for some Miami talent. First up is Jennifer, and judging from the Pick Panther background music her talent is killing Steve Martin's career. She's got a really ominous suitcase and way too much eyeshadow, so right now she's seeming just quirky enough for this show. She says her act is self-taugh, and consists of what comes out of her mind and body. So basically if this is what I think it is we're all going to owe her $60 in an hour and someone should probably run out for cigarettes. She hauls her suitcase out onto the stage and tells Piers she's here to show him something different, and they hand the stage over to her. She starts out with a little sexy-type dance (not exactly groudbreaking) but she keeps looking at the suitcase and doing a damn good job of building suspense. I usually stay pretty distances from these people and these acts, but right now I HAVE to know what's in this goddamn bag. An eerily life-like dummy? Her plan to rebuild the economy? Jerry Springer to rescue us all from this Nick-nightmare?
She's having problems taking her shoes off and people are calling for Xs and SHE HAD BETTER OPEN THIS THING BEFORE THEY WHEEL HER AWAY. So she finally opens it and it's just this girl that sort of looks like her and is dressed the same, and they do a really lame dance. Did the girl stay in the suitcase all day? Like in those pretapes, was she in there? What would their Vegas act be, her squeezing into differently-sized containers? I have so many questions about this act. Mercifully, Sharon and David buzz them to a chorus of loud boos. David tells them it was the worst act they've seen on the show (yeah! A dark turn for the formerly "we'll take anyone" episode). She justifies herself by saying it's not easy to fit in a suitcase, and while this is true it's not exactly a talent. It's not easy to listen to Nick butcher comedy every night, but we ain't sending every viewer to Vegas. They give her three nos and she packs up the other girl in pink and presumably wheels her away.
It's time for illusionist Drew and his wife Rebecca. Drew met Rebecca in a coffe shop and wins the award for "Most Resemblence to a Character on The Sims." They've brought their baby with them and Rebecca says this is her return debut to the stage. He bitches about having to serve coffee and bag groceries to support his illusionist lifestyle, and once again puts himself in the running for a coveted Hasselhoff "You're What This Show Is All About" award by reemphasizing his dreams of performing. Once he takes the stage, he starts his act by opening some boxes to some generic magician music and then makes some people (animals? Jennifer and the chick from the suitcase?) appear under canvases to the crowd's delight. It turns out it's too really skanky-looking girls in boots and miniskirts (who I'm sure Rebecca has beat the hell out of at least once) and they reveal themselves as Drew makes himself disappear in the original box. BUT THEN! He's with Rebecca under another canvas! This seems cool at all, but if he wants to play with the big boys in Vegas he's gonna need to up his game. Hasselhoff is excited that they finally have a worthy magician (and you can see Drew cringe at his hopes of an "illusionist" label are dashed) but Sharon makes it up to him by calling him the best illusionist she has ever seen. Really Sharon? Do you ever take a break from appearing on TV to actually watch TV? Piers tells him he has a good chance at winning, and he will officially be in Vegas for Round 2. Drew celebrates with a tearful Rebecca and the skanks who will probably be replaced by Round 2, and we're off to another break.
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Comments (1)
You caught all the parts of the show that drove me nuts (the Switching between New York and Seattle, David Hasselhoff's overuse of what this show is about) However, I disagreed on 1 notable item:
but we can forgive Nick for not knowing what happens to famous people
Believe it or not, he is actually somewhat famous in his own right. I know him mostly from Wild N Out (a new school spin-off of Whose Line Is It Anyway). Believe it or not, he is actually funny on there.
I actually find Nick funny, but maybe it's just me...
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:30 AM