Coming back we get some hot sisters dressed all in white. They're identical triplets born in Poland, and because Piers and David have the majority on Sharon we know right now that they are Vegas-bound. They have the kind of accents that teeter dramatically between attractive and annoying, and they become infinitely more interesting when two of them have a fight during their interview video. Right away Hoff is well representing my gender by hooting loudly at the three Polish girls and the girls well represent their gender by continuing to speak all at the same time to answer the judges' questions. The name of their group is Alizma (which I fully admit to waiting to mention until I saw the spelling) and they plan to sing and play the violin for the judges. The three do a really impressive "Devil Went Down To Georgia," at least on the violins. The singing isn't great, but my Y chromosome forces me to overlook that. After the performance but before the judging, the girls show us that this is not their first rodeo by jumping up and down and kissing each other, and then changing into their underwear for a pillowfight. Piers remains my homeboy by pointing out that they should stop singing and stick with the violins, but then loses those valuable recapper points by AGAIN randomly throughly "literally" into the middle of a sentence where it does not belong. The girls all talk through this criticism again, and after Hoff's resounding yes and Piers' hesitant one they're going on! And they have to visit Piers in his dressing room after the show, but I'm sure that's just about logistics. Sharon tells them not to blow it (which juxtaposes really well with the last joke I made) and they're off to fight in Polish and ignore Nick, which is my idea of a perfect date.
Another break, and now it's Janifer from Georgia who talkes WAY too soft. She's a dancer who this video package would lead us to believe is really gentle and emotional, but I've been hurt by America's Got Talent editors too many times before. See: Dominatrix housewife. She giggles about not actually breaking a leg (yeah, I guess that was funny in the second grade) and heads on out to the stage DRESSED LIKE A WHORE! I totally called it! Oh, man, you guys would be so lost without me. There is no Janifer, only "Nubian Beauty" and she's ready to do some African Bohemian dance. She says she can't absolutely win, Nick makes an off-color joke that isn't even funny, it's like every contestant ever and let's get started. She starts by getting on the ground and jutting out her breasts (if I had nickel for every time I've written THAT sentence before) and then moves to all fours. The audience is booing loudly and hey, I think I've seen her in a different "audition" show, except it cost me $10 on one of those higher-numbered channels. There's a lot of gyrating and stereotypical "African" dancing, and she's really doing a great disservice to all of her people that are making such strides in today's society. By which I mean those "God Bless America" kids we saw yesterday. I think she's the first of the evening to get three Xs, and Piers gently tells her she is not what they are looking for. She argues and pleads for yes votes, but is dismissed from the stage.
This family puts on a "performance show" dressed in these weird costumes and are quickly buzzed out. They signal the beginning of our "failure montage" which also includes a guy wearing both drag AND two manequins, clowns that are buzzed in the first seconds of their act, and Nick Cannon. YOU BELONG IN THIS MONTAGE, NICK. Some guy who balances buckets is rightfully riduculed by David for covering the buckets in a blanket and then dismissed with three Xs, and we're ready for the final break.
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Comments (1)
You caught all the parts of the show that drove me nuts (the Switching between New York and Seattle, David Hasselhoff's overuse of what this show is about) However, I disagreed on 1 notable item:
but we can forgive Nick for not knowing what happens to famous people
Believe it or not, he is actually somewhat famous in his own right. I know him mostly from Wild N Out (a new school spin-off of Whose Line Is It Anyway). Believe it or not, he is actually funny on there.
I actually find Nick funny, but maybe it's just me...
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:30 AM