The judges, once drunk on power with the ability to accept or reject anyone in the nation, now awake with the hangover of responsibility as they survey the acts that they selected and desperately hope that they start displaying some talent. That's all metaphorical, but I bet they got shitfaced last night, too.
The America's Got Talent producers, in their endless quest to find a location where Nick won't be in the way, have him open the show from the control room, where he reminds us that over 100,000 people auditioned (!) and now we're down to 40. The editor gets his big break and Actor's Guild screen card by yelling "roll titles," and we're off on that magical series of montages we've come to know and love.
At this point I should also note that there are twelve acts performing tonight.
Color me intrigued, 'gasm reader. Speaking as someone who received a perfect 5 on the AP Statistics exam in high school, I feel very qualified to inform you that 12 does NOT
divide evenly into 40. So, if they stay with the projected four-week quarter-finals,
that's 48 contestants. COWELL CURVEBALL?
So some montages about last week, and then we get the replay of the infamous Cowell
Call, but this time extended. It seems that Simon has sent the judges a list of acts
he felt should have been included (my heart soars for a potential Ciana redemption)
and they will bring the number to 48. Please note that your recapper did, in fact,
call it. Also, I like the idea that Simon just takes it upon himself to fix anything
wrong in the reality TV industry. I would love to see him pop into the Big Brother house and tell them that he has "serious problems" with their gameplay, and then jet on over to Hell's Kitchen and whip up some desserts.
Tonight's Wild Cards are the Diva League and all those little girls with the afros
that danced. Huh. That's who you thought we were missing out on, Simon? I guess I
appreciate the thought. Summary of the acts performing tonight, and there are
definitely a lot of memorable people. I would be pissed to get stuck with this group
while Elysia and Fake Obama duke it out with the losers.
Nick Cannon takes the stage and reminds us that there's a million dollars at stake.
There's a lot of over-the-top fanfare as the judges are introduced, which Nick
nicely contrasts by reminding us that they "done their part" and now it's up to us.
We begin Generic Judge Talk time as Nick asks Piers what the acts have to have to get
America's attention (talent, shockingly) and then because we need the same answer in
three different ways, Sharon and David also get to talk. Sharon makes a pass at Nick, and seriously, what's wrong with Ozzy? Over the past month she's become like the horniest broad ever. The judges try out their buzzers, which I will replay over and over edited to look as though they're buzzing Nick, and then we're ready for the first act.
First up in Breaksk8, and time for their history montage! They won that dance-off
challenge in Vegas so they feel the pressure is on. They want to win, same stuff
we've heard a million times, and then it's time for the live performance. They come
out with some random skanky girls and start, uh, roller skating, to "Smooth Criminal."
It's good I guess, but nowhere near as impressive as their original audition. They
finish with a moonwalk. On roller skates? I feel like that's only slightly more
impressive than simply standing on a backwards-moving escalator.
So Nick congratulates them, and oh boy, Piers does NOT look pleased. He tells them
that the skates slow down the number, which is absolutely true, and that he didn't
care for it. But, while Sharon agrees that it wasn't top-notch, she still loved it,
and David tells him that they need to lose the randomly-hired hos and work harder, but he's sure that they'll be back. So there you have it, Breaksk8 is firmly supported by the Osbourne/Hasselhoff Alliance. Oh, but will the viewers be so shortsighted? We're all watching this million-week long show, so probably. Nick takes an inordinate amount of time to give a giant explanation of voting, etc. and my heart sinks as I realize that we're going to do this after EVERY act. One down, and it's time for the first break.
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Comments (2)
Was I the only one that was disappointed with Manuela? I really wanted her to do well...
The version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun was by none other than Miley Cyrus (another reason to send the royalties to Cyndi).
1 of 2 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 7, 2009 8:55 AM
Oh, and the whole thing with the interns in their underwear...The magician's assistants at the start were the same people as the men in their underwear in the box. The girls in the box ended up in the interns' costumes.
Sorry if this is stating the obvious, but I was under the impression while reading the recap that you did not catch this.
2 of 2 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 7, 2009 8:59 AM