***Please welcome your newest recapper into the fold, Moorels!
The fourth season premiere of America's Got Talent had everything the show promised us. Amazing acts, hilariously terrible acts, and warming of the heart, both genuine and constructed. Judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and none other than David Hasselhoff himself led us through the crowd of crazies to pick out the ones that can be best edited for television, and I, your trusty recapper will lead you through their lead-through. As it were. Remember: we're living in a Post-Boyle world, and the bar for both inspiration and YouTube circulation has been raised.
We open with a camera shot flying through space, and showing the many versions of ________'s Got Talent that exist. It's like a fun guessing game for the viewer:which show will we end up on? Holland's Got Talent? Tienes Talento? Poorly CGIed Moon's Got Talent? Nope, of course we're going to the good old USA. Also, I didn't realize how many countries had this show. And I'll be the first to express shock if anyone in Holland does, in fact, got talent.
So the judges greet us, and give us a little roadmap. Piers wants to find a unique, exciting act for the show. Sharon says it's all about opportunity and hope and making dreams come true. Haselhoff reminds us that the show is simply fun, moreso than any other show on television, which is quite a claim to make.
We've got the buzzers, we've got the audience, and now we've got this new host (I know, I miss Jerry, too). Nick Cannon tells us he's a "new face in town," and what I didn't realize was that he would become the bane of my existence over the next 115 minutes. But we'll get there when we get there. One final video package promises that the wait is over, and it's time to get to the show!
Nick greets us from the lawn of the White House, which is odd because we know no one there has talent. Oh, I'm joking, I swear! So after a nationwide tour of the major cities, Nick reminds us that the winner will recieve $1,000,000 (!) and a chance to perform in Las Vegas. We're starting in New York, where a bunch of auditioners discuss their dreams of eventual glory that alas, will likely never be. Nick tells us we need just three more people to start the show (insert your own joke about three people with actual talent here) and Piers, Sharon, and, after a few last-minute push-ups in the lobby, David take their places.
First out of the gate is Ray, the twenty-six year old teaching assistant. He tells us that anyone can have talent if they just reach into themselves and pull out the emotion that they need, which is code for Ray likely has no natural talent. Also, teaching assistant? Time to reach into yourself and pull out some tenure, buddy. After telling the judges that he has been singing for ten years, he does an awful song-and-dance rendition of Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation." For those of you keeping score at home, this is also when Nick Cannon first earns my ire for his snotty cut-away comments during the performance. The audience boos loudly, and the judges agree he needs improvement. Ray looks sad as they turn him down, but because this is a Post-Boyle America the judges need to be nice and so they thank him and send him away kindly.
Next we're treated to a montage of how New York does NOT got talent, including Jay the tour guide, who rides a unicycle while playing guitar, which I must agree sounds cooler in writing than it did on screen. We also get Andy the taxi driver (stage name Cheap Shot) who compares himself to Eminem and proceeds to rhythm "Chuck Norris" with "Amazon Rain Forest" (why did it have to be the Amazon one? So much I don't know about rap music). He is given three Xs and dismissed.
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Comments (1)
Could anyone tell if the guy in the Micheal Cera picture was that one guy from a few seasons back on idol. (Kenneth?) The one that auditioned with the bush baby lookalike.
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 28, 2009 3:53 PM