Up next are some attractive-looking young white people, and we quickly and to our horror learn that they are brother/sister singers from Wisconsin called "Shine," and I wish to God I was making that up. They sickeningly discuss how they are happy all the time and their music is so uplifting and upbeat and they used to have this brother but he had an impure thought one time and so they had to bludgeon him to death and then consume the remains. See, the problem with being white is that I'm really forced to accept people like this as my culture, and it's just not fair when contrasted to other groups like FootworKINGz. They say they've been singing ten years, but once they start it's clear that A.) they're lying, B.) they're poor judges of time, or C.) they're parents are deaf. They butcher "I'm Walking on Sunshine"and are soundly booed by the audience. Piers, who has no soul and whom I love, buzzes them very quickly, and David soon follows. Nick from his perch awkwardly hovering on the side of the stage deduced that they don't know that they suck. Really Nick? You don't think that they drove all the way from Wisconsin to knowingly embarrass themselves on national TV? I never would have guessed. "Shine" (and that is going to remain in quotation marks as long as I'm in charge) is ushered off the stage, but Sharon says she feels like they're really nice kids which Piers counters with a well-delivered, "you don't know how nice they are."
Some motivational speakers jump around in red jumpsuits. I frankly see no difference between them and the first dance troupe, but they left their inspirational story at home and so it's back to obscurity for them.
This old lady with an accordion insists that she's original, which is the best thing to be, apparently. She plays her accordion while another, much hotter girl in a bikini jumps around and does the splits, and I have never changed my mind about voting yes or no on someting any faster. After a quick three Xs, the Hoff wants to know where the actual act was (uh, dude? Did you see the other girl?), to which the old lady again insists that it's most important to be original. She's like the annoying parent who won't punish her child for fear of stifling "creativity."
Christie Marie, a local cable reporter, is robbed after she gives a good rendition of a tricky Cher song. She introduces herself as Sweet Pea, but Nick calls her Georgia Peach on the way out. Have I mentioned I hate him? Some teen named Jay Jay does a terrible song on keyboard and is quickly removed.
After another break, we're STILL in Chicago.
Were you fooled into believing President Obama was competing tonight by the teaser before the break? Well then you're an idiot, it's just some impersonator. Don't worry, I was tricked too until I remembered he was competing on Wipeout tonight. Apparently this was just Pete the impersonator, who does a really lame Obama stand-up and then a decent song and dance number. Everyone here in Illinois is so blinded by a love of Obama that of course they freak out over what is actually a pretty bland act, and my internal dialogue while watching it goes, "I wonder how the judges are going to tell him no. It's going to be tough with the audience cheering. I guess he might OH MY GOD THEY'RE GOING TO VOTE YES." Pete is sent through to Vegas and ONCE AGAIN Nick Cannon assaults hilarity by donning the wig that Pete wore for the act.
Quick montage of people with talent but no backstory: A drumline called Black Fire Percussion is voted through (and really, would you pay to see a drumline in Vegas?), this guy named Annointed S. does some "vocal percussion" and is the most head-scratching vote-through of the night, and the Unexpected Step Team gives a good performance and gets the nod. And good grief, I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but how many of the acts that have gone through have been entirely African-American? Good for them, I guess, for having talent, I was just surprised at the lack of diversity for what prides itself on being a diverse show.
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Comments (1)
Could anyone tell if the guy in the Micheal Cera picture was that one guy from a few seasons back on idol. (Kenneth?) The one that auditioned with the bush baby lookalike.
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 28, 2009 3:53 PM