More rejects, like the surreal stripper empeROAR and defeatist Leaping Louie the comedian, who tries to impress us by lassoing lugage and then pessimistically and stupidly saying, "I'm probably out," after three Xs. Oh, Louie, where was that cynicism BEFORE you decided to audition when it would have helped? Kerry the Yodeler plays the accordian and makes clucking noises, confirming my suspicions that Debbie Victor simply dressed in dragged and continued to audition in each city. Piers calls some circus troupe that does a fire act strange and they get a no, and we finish up by denying bagpipe-player Johnny Bagpipes, which is the exact name I planned to call him to make fun of him. Sharon says Seattle is barking mad, and it's time for another break.
Still in Seattle, and oh, boy, here we go again. This time it's Nole the Freak and the Hammer Brothers, who I gurantee you have battles Sky and Vladmir in the past. Again, seems innocent enough, until he hangs hooks FROM HIS EYES and supports GIANT BRICKS that the Brothers smash. Why hooks? Why doesn't someone stop these people? Their act is not as well met as Brad the Serial Killers, and the three are soundly dismissed by Piers, Sharon, and David.
Up next are the EriAm sisters, three teenage girls that love to sing, dance, and groom each other in montage form. They immediately jump to the top of my list after seeming just as fed up with Nick as I am (as a side note, I saw you tell the African-American girls you were excited to finally meet some "normal" people, and your racism sickens me). The girls mantain proper distance from a way-too-excited Nick as I pray that they will be good so that I can keep rooting for them, and finally they take the stage.
Sharon asks if they're any good (you do your job and we'll do ours, SHARON) and then they start singing and DAMN the young one has pipes. All three rock the house and this recapper can tell you right now these girls are going to represent him in the finals for all the music-loving, Nick-haters of the world. Nick loves them too, which almost makes me change my mind, and Piers tells them they need to stay tighter together on stage when they perform. David says they are the most talented kids ever on America's Got Talent, Sharon says it's great they are a family act, and of course my girls are through to the next round!
Another break, we briefly see the Jesse White Tumbling Team do some cool gymnastics and they are vited through. The Urban Nation Hip Hop Choir sings "Celebrate" and despite seeming mediocre they also make it to Vegas. Next is Draconik the Fire Act, who in my opinion is good but up until now they have hated on every fire act so far. Plus, Sky and Vladmir could totally kick their ass. The Hoff says he loves fire and women and so of course votes yes, and he tops it off with a semi-disturbing growl.
Now we get the thirty year old loan officer David, who claims that he has played the guitar since high school. He tells us how he has always had a crush on a certain Baywatch character, and even though there's a picture of both Hasselhoff and Pam I can sense this coming a mile away. Sure enough, he performs an original song about his love for David Hasselhoff, with lyrics that are actually very clever. Because his singing is so bad Piers and even Hoff himself X him before they know what the song is about, but with Sharon keeping him alive the boos of the audience turn to cheers at the love ballad from David to David. Backstage, Nick, in a desperate attempt to always react like the rest of America, assures us that he was confused at first but he loves it now.
At the end of the song, Hasselhoff votes yes (as damn well he should) but Sharon, perhaps out of jealousy, votes no. AGAIN it's up to Piers, who votes yes and then teases the Hoff about the special night the two Davids might share. As much as I liked the song, I have to question the decision to vote David through. I guess his talent would be songwriting since it sure as hell ain't singing, but didn't he say he's been writing this since high school? And now he's going to turn out another great song for every show? Color me skeptical, TVgasm readers.
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Comments (1)
Could anyone tell if the guy in the Micheal Cera picture was that one guy from a few seasons back on idol. (Kenneth?) The one that auditioned with the bush baby lookalike.
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 28, 2009 3:53 PM