Tonight on AGT, twelve more acts. We put the A-Team up last week, so let's let the beta acts duke it out for five undeserved spots!
After falling asleep during Big Brother's POV competition (hilariously recapped here on your favorite website, as always), I was forced to log in to nbc.com and watch this week's two-hour monstrosity online. And what's the first thing I see? After I close the pop-up ads for screensavers and Viagra?
Needless to say, I was more annoyed than Hillary Clinton at an African press conference.
We start out with a little recap from Nick Cannon himself. Last week's acts are summarized into oblivion, and then we're reminded which five of these weirdos we actually decided we wanted to see again. Then we get a quick glimpse at the twelve acts that we're going to see tonight, and everyone looks like they've aged five years from how we last remember them. Considering that their auditions probably pretaped in January, we should consider ourselves lucky if they remember to show up tonight at all.
Our wild cards tonight are those shirtless guys that flipped around (really, Simon?) and SQ Entertainment, one of the dance crews that didn't even make the Vegas Dance-Off. I'm starting to get a little nervous that a Wild Card spot won't go to Ciana or Kelly.
So, main titles. Hang on to your hats, readers, and try not to think about how after two hours tonight and another hour tomorrow, we'll be halfway done! With this particular round. Then Simon Cowell will Wild Card like half of them back in and we'll need to start all over. I guess it's job security for me.
Nick comes out on the stage, and I do have to appreciate that they didn't do the stupid fake-out opening in the middle of the crowd tonight. Nick is wearing a brown suit that may or may not be made of velvet and he gives us the standard, incredibly over-the-top judge intros. Reminder of the rules, and then we're asking Piers if he's getting tougher on the acts. Piers takes a solid shot at the O/H Alliance by saying that they're not tough enough, and this week there will be more buzzer action. Loud boos. Sorry, Morgan, you're still one of three.
Sharon asks Nick to say her name again, then denies answering his question in favor of creepily staring at him. When you're resorting to Nick Cannon to get off, you've really hit the bottom, Sharon. David says all the words he knows that begin with W and then makes it known that he wants to have a "Hofftastic" time tonight. It's all Sharon can do not to jump him right there.
So first up is the Fab Five, our sisters from Utah. Consulting my recappers' joke guide I can quickly see that the correct stereotype here is 'Mormon,' so let's hope they start marrying the same guy and finding gold plates in hills. Frustratingly, them seem like a very nice family, and Piers says that it's time for them to prove they belong here.
They're dressed as firefighters and they do an impressive tap dance number, but I must warn you that as a tap-dance novice I judge these things solely (ha!) on the number of clicks that I hear. The dance moves are really well-choreographed, and they're able to move stay in unison on a really impressive level. Nick tells them that it was hot (HILARIOUS) and Piers says that they lived up to their name: they are fabulous and, uh, there's five of them. Sharon hits on Nick some more and compliments the girls' technique, and Hoff makes it a clean sweep by praising their energy. They might be a tough act to follow.
Coming back from break, we're immediately blinded by the Kmart logo and those freakish blue lightbulbs. This must mean it's time for the random Q&A segment that the producers like to spring on us, and tonight it's singer Charles Dewayne. Some viewer got to ask him a question about his music influences, but I'm more preoccupied with the fact that I missed the chance to ask a question. I could have asked the Fab Five for some better Mormon jokes! I could have asked Kevin Skinner 5 + 4! I could have asked Elysia if it's hard work being the spawn of Satan!
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Comments (3)
Whenever I miss one of these episodes I find it very difficult to tell when you're sarcastically ripping on the judges, or just recapping exactly what they said. Example:
"Piers says that they lived up to their name: they are fabulous and, uh, there's five of them"
See, if I hadn't seen the episode I would think you were joking, but he really said that. WTF?
Also, when did AGT become the second chance for people who lost other televised talent competitions? SQ whatever they're calling themselves now are Status Quo, the group that came in second in season 2 of ABDC. They were WAY better on the other show. Wonder what happened.
I'm with you on the wildcard spots. Ciana and Kelly, please. Mostly want Kelly back so that I can see her have another Diva Fit when she inevitably gets voted off eventually. I would love to see that little guitar kid too. He was great.
1 of 3 | Posted by themiki | Posted on August 14, 2009 6:18 AM
Loved the recap. I agree with themiki bring back the guitar boy!
2 of 3 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on August 15, 2009 11:01 AM
Yeah, I too have noticed the trend of past reality show contestants. SQ Entertainment and Break Sk8 were both on season 1 of ABDC, and of course Kelly...
"SQ whatever they're calling themselves now are Status Quo, the group that came in second in season 2 of ABDC. They were WAY better on the other show. Wonder what happened."
They have new members now partially. They said on a All-Stars ish ABDC Special that Jamal quit I think, and he started a new crew and passed them off as SQ. IDK if I have the facts exact
3 of 3 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 17, 2009 11:37 AM