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It turns out Marty has kicked off our second failure montage of the night. Next is Brandon who wants to read some poems about ex-girlfriends and more shocking than that they suck is that they don't seem terribly mean. I would happily accept three Xs and national ridicule for the chance to read some poems about MY ex-girlfriends, and believe me when I say that they would not be as preoccupied with rhyme as Brandon's. Three Xs send Brandon home, and next is Diego the singer. He teaches singing, which is apparently only a signal to us hardened AGT viewers that he will suck. Sure enough he gets Xed out, and he's followed by three professional wrestlers who almost get in a fight with Piers after he insults their age. Piers throws Nick Cannon at them AND OH MY GOD NICK CANNON IS FINALLY GOING TO GET BEAT DOWN BY THESE nope Nick totally backs off. So close, Talent viewers. So close. So the wrestlers are off to join Marty in the parking lot and it's break time again.

Piers says this may be the worst session that they've had in three years, which is rough on Miami until you remember that they will assuredly be back here next week for some reason. We've gone ten minutes without an illusionist, so it's time for Joseph and his assisstant, who also happens to be his wife. Joseph's sobstory is about how he and his wife and children have lost their house and car in a bankruptcy and have gone through other assorted tough financial times, and even lost faith in themselves. It's very Disney of them, and I expect the whole thing to be optioned into a movie starring the Jonas Brothers as soon as the show wraps. Joseph says it would mean everything to be able to give back to his family, and frankly I'm not sure that Marty didn't just change outfits and grab some kids from backstage to give himself another chance.

Joseph gives the Reader's Digest version of his story to the judges, and he's ready to go. Joseph's wife climbs into a box and Joseph begins the standard magical fun of shoving swords into the box, to which the audience responds with delight. He then opens the box to reveal not a twisted corpse, but an empty box! Nick tries to get the kids to explain the trick, but as always they're far too mature for him. He resets the box and his wife is fine, though that would be a sneaky way to collect some life insurance. David says that they've seen the act before, which is true, but Sharon and Piers save this heartwarming story by finding examples of Joseph's uniqueness and some loophole about giving people a break.

But wait! For the first time that I can remember, there's actual drama over the vote. Usual fun-time Hasselhoff is angry they are considering putting him through after rejecting bland people with the same act, which is entirely legitimate, but Piers and Sharon are letting their empathy come through and want to vote based on Joseph's likability. Joseph makes puppy-dog eyes as the judges bicker. Hasselhoff votes no, and you do have to respect his desire to remain unbiased by these well-edited sad background stories. Piers votes yes and Sharon milks the moment, eventually voting yes and eliminating not Joseph but the show's legitimacy as an unbiased competition. I am happy to see Joseph and family move on, but there is the taint of producer hijinks.

Fuschia the bellydancer is going to Vegas, and so is some crazy circus act with these girls that contort themselves and ride unicycles. These five guys come out and take their shirts off, and damn it, Nick, quit mixing your personal life with your hosting job! They do some kind of martial art and their off to Vegas, more for their bods than anything else. But really, how many girls have we voted through for that? So I can't really complan.

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Posted in America's Got Talent by Moorels at 4:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: tv freak on Jul 7, 2009 08:54 AM.