It's another week, and that means more America's Got Talent open auditions. Ratings have revealed that good old AGT is currently the #1 show in America, so I can construct these fun facts: 1.) I have only recapped America's Got Talent for TVgasm, 2.) America's Got Talent is watched by the most people in the country, THEREFORE 3.)Every show that I recap becomes the #1. NBC, you can mail my check to the TVgasm offices, and better luck and higher bidding to ABC, CBS, and FOX next time. Well, enough logical fallacies, on to the show!
There's a little video package that highlights everything that we're about to see (I'm sitting here watching the damn show, NBC, you don't need to lure me anymore), and then the main credits. When we come back, we find out the auditions are in Los Angeles, and apart from the exciting prospect of getting the hell away from New York and Chicago, I'm also really excited that we're in my home turf. SoCal represent!
There's the footage we get every week of excited people ready to audition, and then Hasselhoff plays fast and loose with his definition of talent by saying he's sure they'll find some in LA since that's where they live. Some guy in a pirate hat brags about him going on to win the million, and I'm pretty sure if a camera guy asks you to get cocky in the auditioners' Waiting Room it's like the Kiss of Death on this show.
Judges are ready, Nick is ready, time for some auditions. We can already tell we're in LA because it appears that Randy Jackson has dressed in drag and snuck over from the Idol set to be our first act. Jackson, calling himself 'Nasty Nate,' says that he plans to sing as Nick Cannon ridicules his hairstyle. Nate says that he bought his hair and so it's his (seriously? It's Randy Jackson in a wig. Very funny, FOX! You audition shows and your wacky pranks.) and proceeds to read from the producers' stock script "Arrogant Asshole (Before Humiliation)." He says he's got talent, charisma, etc., and he finishes off the whole thing with a finger snap. When was the last time ANYONE that finger snapped had ANY talent? So after a stage entrance that can only be described as sassy and a judge reaction that can only be described as skeptical (Sharon) and enthused (David), Nasty Nate attributes his nickname to his mean behavior but also tells the judges to "use their imagination." Oh, so his talent is making me want TO KILL MYSELF.
So back on America's Got A Q&A With This Guy, Nasty Nate tells us how he still lives with his mom and dreams of singing, instantly becoming the poster child for 'too little, too late.' He finally starts to sing and the crowds on his side for about two seconds, when it becomes clear that this really IS Randy Jackson singing. Nick accidently reads from the "Audition is Going Well" teleprompter and excitedly notes that Nate is feeling it, and it's an X from Piers and David. Is it just me, or is Sharon ALWAYS the hold-out? After the song Nate picks up "Arrogant Asshole (After Humiliation)" and assures the audience that they loved his performance, then tells Hoof he's the worst. Oh snap! Further, Nate demands that they vote him to Vegas, but Piers Britishly informs him he's going to "the local cab ring" to go home. Doesn't the idea of a "local cab ring" contrast really quaintly with what we actually have in LA? So Nate is going back to his mother's, and this means we're ready for the night's first Montage of Failure!
Zahid the "one-man instrument" is Xed out, as is some mime who worked with paper. The paper guy looked intriguing, but we were busy with our 'The Life and Times of Nasty Nate' earlier and so no substantial time is spent on these particular losers. "The World's Fastest Poet" wants to read a poem he wrote to the judges, and it turns out that not even reading quickly can help bad poetry. The guy looks like he's having a fit and is quickly dismissed. The judges are ready for a break (because this line of work is so daunting) and Sharon says something catty in a back alley that trashes the talent of Hollywood. Are the judges right? Is Los Angeles out of talent? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
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Comments (1)
Loved Lawrence! I'd say he is in my top five acts as of right now.
Did anyone notice that the dance crew that was barely shown was named Iconic. I couldn't tell for sure, but I think they are the same crew from season 1 of America's Best Dance Crew. Can anyone confirm?
1 of 1 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on July 9, 2009 9:03 AM