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This is how we repackage "The Gong Show" so that no one notices.

After a break, Nick reminds us that we still have roughly one gazillion auditioners and LA still probably has talent. America breathes a sigh of relief. That sure was a harrowing three minutes, eh? We almost had to resign to the horrors of foreign films. So David Hasselhoff dons his Baywatch gear and reminds us that LA is his town, and how great would it be if he tried to audition on this show? He makes a surprisingly accurate LA metaphor about "saving people's lives, saving people's careers" and we're off again to find more Hollywood talent.

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I'M RELEVANT!
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The real show is the auditioners voting each other out one at a time as they struggle to be the last act of the evening.

It's time for a couple who ominously didn't get a video package, Andrea and Sheldon from San Francisco. They're going to do some "footwork fitness" for us, which is really only a talent if they get me to stop recapping TV shows and try it once in awhile. The act is...underwhelming. Some jumping up and down on a step gets them three Xs, and take it from me that LA-San Francisco drive is a bitch to make so I feel for these people. Sheldon says there's more but the judges cut him short, so that's it, and I would love for this to turn into the judges begging to see the rest and Sheldon just leaving to teach them a lesson. The judges vote no and Sheldon and Andrea are off to spend some quality time on the 5.

Next up is this weird-ass guy who says he plans to fly his kite for the judges, and I suddenly feel like he's probably a character in a John Steinbeck novel who has traveled all this way and shot his best friend (yes, I did just combine the only two Steinbeck novels I've read) and all he has is his kite and it's a stunning metaphor for civil unrest and he's going to fly the kite for his own pleasure and even though everyone will boo it won't matter because it will be beautiful, damnit. The flight is as disastrous as it sounds, and the guy tells us he didn't properly prepare his kite. I swear to God this a metaphor for something. Did anyone else feel like the kite guy was significant, or am I tripping out alone here?

A vaguely homoerotic dance crew is Xed out (which Hasselhoff agedly says resembled "a bad game of Twister. You just don't get our generation's method of expression, old man!) and a burlesque duo has time-traveled in from the 1930s to also get the boot. Sharon and David say no, and Piers says they're two of the most singularly irritating people ever and he doesn't care for the people on the stage either. ZING! K-Dizzle is up next and he rips his shirt off to the audience's delight and then begins to rap to the audience's disgust. David Hasselhoff gets a little rap diss in on him (which I'm sure is terrific for anyone's steet cred), and he's another loser.

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Frumpy-talented, or just frumpy?

America's Got Talent: Calm Down, Nick Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (1)

tv freak:

Loved Lawrence! I'd say he is in my top five acts as of right now.

Did anyone notice that the dance crew that was barely shown was named Iconic. I couldn't tell for sure, but I think they are the same crew from season 1 of America's Best Dance Crew. Can anyone confirm?

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