So a word of apology as to the lateness of this post before I begin. I spent the weekend in San Francisco, engaging in classic tourist activities such as the crooked street, the Maritime Museum, and driving opposite traffic on one-way steets in Berkeley. So really, you're lucky you're getting this recap at all.

Alright, so Week 4 of mindless auditions, and Week 4 of promises from Nick Cannon and an intro composed entirely of prepackaged video segments. Tonight we're going to try something new and visit New York city, famous for its classic sites, Ponzi Schemes, and ability to host America's Got Talent every single night. Some New Yorkers talk about how great their city is to such a degree that I feel NBC might simply be rerunning Episode 1, the judges sit down, and we're ready for another night of this.

Up first is some government contractor named Jeffrey, and woah, buddy, we didn't ask to hear your life story. We might have cared back in the days of Ray the teaching assistant and those black kids that sang "God Bless America" (THREE WEEKS AGO) but now we really just want you to perform and then go away. So he's got a family and despite his serious job he loves to hum and stuff, and really it feels like he just picked up Generic Script #2 (Singer) on his way in the door. He wanders out on the stage and tells the judges all about how if he can get past the judges he can win the whole thing, which is otherwise known as the way the goddamn show works, and then he's off to sing. And terribly. It's some weird reggae rap thing that the audiences hates, and he earns himself three Xs.

After getting worked over by the judges, he does that classic audition thing where he desperately tries to sing another song but the judges don't even listen. And seriously, how annoying is that? There must have been like one auditioner on the first season of American Idol who tried that and it worked and now for ten years we have been living with people who think that another song will magically make them better. So thanks a lot, early and unfocused reality shows. I can assure my musings are are far more interesting than Jeffrey, who finally sulks away off the stage.

This means it's time for the evening's Failure Montage. Some guy named Alex does something with a bra and balances a wine glass on a recorder (an act suspiciously similar to my own displays of talent after a few of the aforementioned glasses of wine), Belinda Carlyle dressed as Morticia Gomez does some terrible opera singing, and "Moonwalker" does really gross things with his joints. Piers tells Moonwalker he has a revolting act, and where was that during the guy that shoved the hook in his nose? I still live in constant fear of his appearance in Round 2. A fat guy does a terrible version of "A Little Less Conversation" (which you AGT buffs will remember was the same act that aforementioned first contestant Ray destroyed) and he's Xed out despite pleas that he hasn't been given a chance. Sorry David, but if anyone can make snap judgements about talent it's such industry superstars as David Hasselhoff. Sharon and David melodramatically call for security, but even more hilarious is that Nick ends up escorting the fat guy away, leading me to wonder whether or not this show HAS any security. If Nick Cannon is the best they have, that stage is ripe for the taking.

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Posted in America's Got Talent by Moorels at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: TheMiki on Jul 22, 2009 09:00 PM.