Nope... okay, I guess I should say our SECOND favorite crack ho.
Yes, folks, it's now Boy Britney, performing "Hit Me Baby." I wonder if Boy Britney got his blonde wig from the same purveyor as the real Britney got hers.
Sausage, anyone?
She is absolutely hilarious, does an admirable job dancing, and showed guts for changing it up. I guess she had to, since that Shakira act can only go so far. I can't help but think of the Broadway show Boy Britney could potentially have... just imagine all the costume changes! She could be Boy J. Lo, Boy Xtina, Boy Beyoncè, Boy Lohan (or Boyhan, if you prefer). All those chicks look like they're in drag anyway. Piers' undying affection for Boy Britney just shows how kinky he can actually get under that suit and tie. B.B. says proudly to Jerry and America, "This is me. This is me!" I imagine it's been a long, hard road for her to get to a place where she's able to say that confidently, unabashedly. In the end, Boy Britney is so sweet and good-hearted, a real class act, that I just have to root for him. Sorry, her. Him? Her? Moving on...
Next we're treated to the vocal stylings of Jason Pritchett, who is so boring and mediocre and filled with bad hairplugs that I fast forward through his rendition of "Life Is A Highway." I don't even find it recap-worthy, so if you really want to know what it's like, just watch this and imagine it even shittier.
Oh man, that scorpion is classic! Next is the Calypso Tumblers, a group whom we've never actually seen perform outside of 3-second mentions in montages. But they've been doing this for 20 years, says one. If you fall, "Gravity pull you down, and the concrete wait for you." That's deep, man. Deep stuff. They do a semi-impressive act, although one dude keeps making this creepy cunnilingus face that just makes me shudder.
Then Grampie Hasselhoff tells us a li'l story. He was bicycling through Venice Beach and he saw them performing and they were just great. Wait, can we just pause for a moment and think about David Hasselhoff cycling in Venice Beach? Oh jeesy. Okay, now that that's out of the way...
I think we should have seen more from that dude all the way to the right.
Why don't we join the Jerr-ster for a nice hearty dose of "why we should all use birth control." Yes, it's the Duttons, and yes, there are still about 80 of them onstage. They wax poetic about how amazing all this fame business has been for them, and all I can hope for is that fame won't destroy them as it has for others.
(Okay, let's face it, if she hadn't been famous, she would have ended up a Meth-head anyway.) The Duttons, however, are going totally against their Midwestern roots and performing "La Bamba." Seriously? Allllll rigghhhhhhht... whatever you say.... But no matter what they do or how technically well they play, they are still a whole bunch of these:
Sure, they get all the words right, but when you're whiter than a cotton field in January, you just look ridiculous.
"Cool beans!"
And that's the end of Part 2 of the semifinals. So the question now is, who is the greater majority of voters? The Midwestern vote? The animal lover vote? The country vote? The teen girl vote? The gay vote? The 13-foot-guy vote? I'm going with Boy Britney on this one.
But wait, there's more! We get to find out who are the new finalists after last week! There are 10 of them but only 5 spots! Oh my gosh, who will it be?? I'm on the edge of my fucking seat. Jerry announces the winners in his typical dramatic fashion. First up: 14-year-old hack Julie Irwin (no surprise). Then Butterscotch (no surprise), followed by the Glamazons, Crest Whitestrips, and then....... oh my God........ if the damn hot guys don't get through, O. Snapp will NOT be happy... the last group is............
IS....................
IS!!!!..........................
My lovers!
Yes, Sideswipe! Thank God. If they hadn't gotten through, I would have started to think there was something seriously wrong with America's standard of beauty.
But all is right with the world, for now (except for the fact that it's been three days and I can't get "Life Is A Highway" out of my head). Next week we get to see which one of tonight's performers survives. I watched the show too late to vote - who did you vote for? See you on the boards!
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Comments (1)
IF I voted, I would've voted for Cas and Faultline... I only like the lead singer though. That guy can sing his heart out. The rest of them.. meh....
1 of 1 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on July 28, 2007 1:53 AM