You know it's going to be a good night on America's Got Talent when Brandy's hair is straight and The Hoff's face is looking extra plasticy.

1. Chicago Matadors

Fat guys dancing to "Can't Touch This". No, really that's it. That's there talent. It makes me happy because I didn't realize that I had such a marketable talent, since I'm a fat guy who dances to early 90's rap in my underwear all the time. My song choice is "Ice, Ice Baby", however. Piers says no, Brandy deflects to The Hoff, and he says no. So now, Brandy doesn't have to be the bad guy. I love her, she's a genius. But I think they should rethink things and vote these guys through, because causing people to make this face, should be considered a talent in of itself:

2. The Passing Zone

The Passing Zone looks like two of the best accountants at any mid-level firm on Long Island. Dressed business casual, they first psych out the judges by throwing a bowling ball into Yuppy #1's face. Don't worry kids; it's just a rubber ball. ZING! They are actually kind of funny, in a more clever way than say, Penn & Teller, and their big trick is Yuppy #2 gets on Yuppy #1's shoulders and they juggle flaming torches while balancing on a rolling pin. It's impressive, and they are quippy, and I like them in spite of myself. I don't know if they are America's next superstar, but I abandoned that dream about 5 minutes into the first episode. Piers doesn't like their outfits ("What's with the clothes?" "Uhh, we thought the act would be better with clothes."), but votes them through. The Hoff still hates jugglers and says NO, but Brandy gives them the okay to go to the next round. I wonder what the Juggling CPAs will do next!?!?

3. The Millers

Oh my God, the Millers are my new favorite act. At first I was just in awe that the older brother looks so much like my friend John (who is also a kick ass Rock Star) and the younger brother looks like me circa 1994. Erie. But I'm discouraged by the fact that they are a rock act that is going to sing "Sweet Home Alabama", my least favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song ever. I was totally hoping someone from the audience would start a "Free Bird" chant, but no such luck. The older Miller played the guitar and sang well enough, but it was when the little Miller started wailing on the harmonica like a mini-John Popper, that things started getting interesting. The kid was nasty on the thing, it was awesome. Piers says that Little Miller is a terrible singer, but the best Harmonica player (Harmonicaist?) he's ever heard. They get voted through, and I have a myspace search to do to find original Miller tunes.

4. Lilla Stepanova

So I don't want to be the stereotypical guy drooling over the hot teenage contortionist, but I don't care. Mmm, hot teenage contortionist... yummy. This girl is very hot, but that's not all. She's got talent, real talent. I'm sure that I would've been quite happy watching her bend herself into dozens of shapes while my mind wandered and I found myself in need of some alone time. But then she starts shooting bow and arrows and hitting bull's eye while she's in crazy positions and using her feet. They all vote her through, and The Hoff and Piers again find a way to sexually harass her, at least this time a little more subtly than they did with last week's Snow White Stripper. Sexual Harassment via the internet is one thing, but Sexual Harassment on national television is quite another. Shame on you two.

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Posted in America's Got Talent by Umnata at 2:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: Ubiquitous on Jul 9, 2006 07:23 PM.