Testimonials

5.Shawn Crump

The second this guy gets on stage you know he's going to suck huge, hairy horse testicles. And boy does he and his Magnum PI mustache not disappoint. His version of Suspicious Minds, is horrible in a way that doesn't even warrant me mentioning, because that is exactly what this guy wants. And you will NOT win this round Shawn Crump. Oh no... you won't!

6. Mark "The Knife" Faje

HE LOOKS NORMAL RIGHT?

Mark is known as the World's Most Dangerous Comic. Known to whom, I wonder? Your mother, your neighbor, your second grade teacher? Regardless, this psychopath shows us how easy it is for him to catch a tennis ball on the side of his head. Great. But he knows that's not what we want to see. You know me very well Mr. Faje, because I am bored unless my comics are in mortal danger. That's why I'm not that into Last Comic Standing ever since Stella got the boot; No danger that the other comics might get eaten by her. The nutcase, puts two sharp steak knives in a bowling ball, lights it on fire and puts a scorpion down his pants (I'm totally serious), and kicks the ball from his foot onto his head, and he balances it perfectly. No lacerations, no impalements no poison filled ball sack. Snore. Piers thinks he's a ccccrazy, and Mark says that if he gets invited back he'll show us the trick that got him banned in 3 countries. Clever move, but we've all seen the shocker used on a sheep, buddy. It's enough to get him moved through however.

BUT YOU'RE WRONG...

OH SO WRONG...

7. Sharon Kissane

Crazy Bird lady. That's really it. The best part though, is that she goes on stage and does all these bird calls, except there are no birds in the whole place. She's just showing us what she would be doing if there were birds in the area. I love it.

8. Taylor Ware

11 year old Taylor Ware is a self-taught yodeler. Even though she learned how to yodel out of a book, and she's probably a home schooled weirdo, she is just A-dorable, especially when they show her before she goes on stage and she asks the guy working back there: "Will you tell me when to go on?" She comes out and starts singing, and her normal voice is quite good. But then she starts yodeling and The Hoff and Brandy just lose it. They are hysterically laughing, and I have to admit that it does sound weird to hear the yodels come out of this little girl, and not someone from Saint Olaf. I mean, I don't know anything about yodeling and neither do the judges, so their praise means little to me. She could've been the worst yodeler in the word and 97% of the world would've had no idea. But when she finishes her song she does a little two step and a jump for joy when they pass her through to the next round so I'm totally sold.

9. Buster Balloon

This fat guy brings out a huge balloon and his act is getting stuck in it. I thought he was going to reenact the Animatronic Rhino birth scene from Ace Venture: When Nature Calls , so you can imagine my disappointment when he doesn't. He fails once, and the balloon pops, causing Piers to buzz him off. He gets another balloon from backstage, and succeeds at getting himself stuck in the balloon, with his head sticking out. Check it out, because it's much more amusing than I am describing, because to be honest, how do you put words to this?

10. Flippy the Magnificent
A picture might be worth a thousand words in this case:

I also really enjoyed the backstage banter between Flippy and his blow up doll after he gets the triple-X. Is 15 seconds of fame, really worth all this? I mean honestly, imagine how early you have to wake up to even get to those auditions. And how long you have to wait in line. And what if you have to pee? I just don't get it. And besides there is only room for one Magnificent on this show and his name is Leonid.

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Posted in America's Got Talent by Umnata at 2:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: Ubiquitous on Jul 9, 2006 07:23 PM.