Finally, after what seemed like eons of auditions episodes, we are down to the top 70 most talented people in America. Going into this episode I thought, "Now what? Everybody's good? What's there to make fun of?" Ohohoho, don't you worry, dear readers, this episode was fraught with the shittiness we've come to expect from The Hoff 'N' Gang. By the end I was agog (as I'm sure you will be too) with the prospect: THESE are our talented masses?
After a typical epic-style slow-motionfest of a recap of the season so far, here we are in lovely Las Vegas. Sin City: I wonder what the glitz and glamour will do to a nice little Midwestern family like the Duttons? All 70 acts stroll in, yep, slow motion down a hallway in the Planet Hollywood theater, and it's like I'm watching the last five weeks of my life flash before my eyes. Oh, the horror! The judges greet the acts on stage and give them a little pep talk. "The talent here is SOOOOO much better than last year!" squeals the Hoff. Really? In that case, I can't imagine the nightmare that last year must have brought. I mean, if an 11-year-old girl whom anybody has yet to hear of was the winner, you KNOW it musta been bad. Before the callbacks begin, they all get to run wild in Vegas, to, as Jerry puts it, "see what makes Las Vegas the entertainment capital of the world!!" Yeah, of the world. That's probably why both Celine Dion and Siegfield have settled down there. I imagine it must be a trip for all of those small-towners who've never really been to a big city before. Just think of all the topless showgirls they'll see!
Especially on that fun tour bus!
They must be getting CRUNK. Unfortunately, they have to do it all in their performance costumes (trannie or not) and "practice" their acts while integrating shameless promotions for NBC, the show, and Springer himself.
No, that's okay, Jerry. You can just stay in there.
He SPRANG outta the box! Ha ha!! Get it? Spring outta the box? 'Cause his name is SPRINGER! Ha ha! Ha...
Congratulations, you won a QUARTER!
It's funny that the look-alikes are all hanging out together. For example, these two were a match made in sweetie-pie heaven. I imagine this is how friendships are made during the Miss America Pageant.
"So, what kind of conditioner do YOU use?"
So here's the deal. They each get 3 minutes to wow the judges, and by the end of tonight there will be only 35 of them left. Golly gee, a whole three minutes?!?! Thanks producers! Well, I suppose that's better for all of us. I mean, if I have to hear that awful teenage girl sing for more than three minutes I'm pretty sure I'll slit my wrists. Let's get down to it. Thank God they're doing the musical acts first. Let's get those fuckers out of the way right here and now. The judges will have to view each act in its entirety, which means no buzzers. Dammit! How will Piers scare everyone out of their minds while they're already nervous as hell?? Speaking of nervous, that's what everyone is. In fact, the first act to perform, The Glamazons, are already crying.
"I'm BEAUTIFUL dammit! And I may or may not have Type-2 diabetes!"
They sing "Big Spender" and I wonder whether they're just gonna go through the entire soundtrack of "Moulin Rouge" during the course of their time here. I vote for tomorrow's song to be a wacky cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Nothing says respect for the dead like a Broadway-style remix.
Giving Piers a hard-on as we speak.
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Comments (9)
Type 2 diabetes....nice
1 of 9 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 11, 2007 10:36 AM
Really, what's up with all the freaks moving on? Why?
Funny, how one of the rockabilly kids asked "Why, of all the shows, this one had to be our worse?" Perhaps, because you guys were goofing off instead of practicing?
Two of the magicians were excellent! The third, the one that looks like the butler from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, stunk!
2 of 9 | Posted by jmchez![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 11, 2007 11:18 AM
okay, i don't know if i can watch this anymore. i mean, they say that the baton twirler had been the first one to show great improvement, but they dont' let him through. but, Boy Shakira gets through? does this make sense to anyone? please explain.
3 of 9 | Posted by BlueEyedAngel![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 11, 2007 12:22 PM
I didn't watch it all, just up until right before Boy Shakira performed.
He really got through??
WHY????
He's obviously out of his GD mind. That would be like the judges on AI letting through all of the psychos that think they can sing.
Or SYTYCD letting in that guy that calls himself "Sex".
Seriously... WTF???
Anyways... the magicians were really cool. Loved the older guy. Don't know how the heck he did that trick but it was cool as hell.
I also like the chubby guy singer with his guitar and the acapella rock group... wish they had shown them more b/c that singer is amazing.
4 of 9 | Posted by Shollia![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 11, 2007 9:45 PM
^ yea i believe his name is Cass. i absolutely love him.. He has a Brad Nowell (from Sublime) element to hos voice, mixed with a little Mraz and John Popper. I hope he makes it way far.
5 of 9 | Posted by cansnuts![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 12, 2007 7:20 AM
"Angelhoff"
Loved the recap!
6 of 9 | Posted by Clair![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:02 AM
Some of my previous comment didn't show up. "Angelhoff" cracked me up. :)
7 of 9 | Posted by Clair![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:06 AM
I think this article sums it pretty well, but I would argue the varied talent just adds to the entertainment value. I love America's Got Talent, and can't wait to see the 2 hour premiere tomorrow night.
8 of 9 | Posted by punkypower | Posted on June 16, 2008 12:53 PM
Simon Cowell says the new season has the best talent he's ever seen on any reality tv show ever, and we all know what a harsh judge he is. Hasselhoff has posted a video blog on NBC to give us a preview as to what to expect on tonight's premiere, check it out:
www.nbc.com/Americas_Got_Talent/video/index.shtml#mea=263862
9 of 9 | Posted by sundancekid82 | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:31 AM