The judges like them, but think their harmonies may be a bit off. One of the Glamazons sobs that if it were last year she wouldn't have been able to be here, because her mother was dying. Oh damn, girl. That's some sad shit for sure. That makes O. Snapp's heart break a little. (just a little.) Well, I suppose for her the tears are warranted, then. While the other acts are diligently preparing for their turn, the teen rockabilly group Johnny Come Lately spends their idle hours goofing off. Here in Vegas they are having the time of their lives - just as Green Day would have wanted it. They're not taking themselves too seriously and just figure whatever happens happens. Unfortunately, they don't live up to their previously displayed potential. Actually, they kind of suck. It's hard for me to say that, since I have such a big girlie crush on the drummer and I really want them to do well, but it's true - they scream mediocre. Perhaps it was the lack of upright-bass acrobatics, but they just didn't do it for me this time.
LOVE!
Next is Stupid Headband Girl. Remember her? As sweet and white as the bread at a Texas barbecue? She's still wearing that fucking headband.
"It's all about ME"
I seriously want to rip that ratty old thing straight out of her hair and force her to eat it. That mid- to late-90s style just ISN'T CUTE ANYMORE, SWEETIE. Give it up! She may have a wrecked guitar, which satisfies me a little. Ha. Your lucky headgear isn't coming in so handy now, IS IT?!
Nor does it distract from your five-head.
To my surprise, she actually sounds good. Like Jewel, circa 1995, but with more makeup and a STUPID HEADBAND. Okay, I'm over it. She sounds much better than I remember her being, despite the fucked guitar, so I actually think she should go through to the next round. America would gobble her right up. They love that shit.
You know?
After a short break we return to a sappy intro to Cinda Ramseur, the weepy, overly melodramatic, over-enunciating singer from the second episode. She constantly looks like she's fighting for her life, and maybe, just maybe, if she can gather the strength, serenity and faith in herself, she can pull it off.
If you don't quit it, I'll give you something to cry about, missy!
I just wanna punch her in the face every time I hear her voice tremble. For her performance, I still think she sucks, but she does put it all out there.
Including her cleavage.
After a disgusting montage filled with the likes of Douchebag Country Boy, Mini-Hanson and Talentless 14-Year-Old Who Needs A Makeover, I'm about ready to barf up my burrito bites. Literally, all I wrote in my notes for that solid 2.5 minutes was "uggghhhh." Space space space.
Get out of my life!! Seriously!
Cass Haley, as you may recall, is the stay-at-home dad who wants desperately to provide for his family, so he has chosen to pursue the lucrative career of singing-songwriting, which we all know involves little to no competition and affords plenty of job opportunities as well as a stable life for the performer and his family. Last time, as he was exiting the stage Sharon advised him to clean up his wardrobe and come back with something really snappy and professional to wear, not just his button-down shirt and tennis shoes. So he went out and bought a new button-down shirt, JEANS, and some new CHUCK TAYLORS. Good move, Cass.
"Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man..."
However, I've gotta admit, his performance is pretty good. He's kind of a little Dave Matthews, a little blues, and I like it. Sharon still hates his clothes though. Next we've got Elfin Jurnee Smollett, who reiterates that she is NOT weak, just quiet. She comes up onstage and starts playing the piano and singing. Quoi? This ain't what she sold us in Chi-Town. She's supposed to break down some beats! I have to say, though, that she IS still really good, even if it's just doing something as typical as playing pian- WAIT. Now she's beatboxing! WHILE playing piano! Break it down, girl! That's what I'm talking about! What a versatile li'l fucker.
I, for one, welcome our new elfin overlords.
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Comments (9)
Type 2 diabetes....nice
1 of 9 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on July 11, 2007 10:36 AM
Really, what's up with all the freaks moving on? Why?
Funny, how one of the rockabilly kids asked "Why, of all the shows, this one had to be our worse?" Perhaps, because you guys were goofing off instead of practicing?
Two of the magicians were excellent! The third, the one that looks like the butler from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, stunk!
2 of 9 | Posted by jmchez
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Posted on July 11, 2007 11:18 AM
okay, i don't know if i can watch this anymore. i mean, they say that the baton twirler had been the first one to show great improvement, but they dont' let him through. but, Boy Shakira gets through? does this make sense to anyone? please explain.
3 of 9 | Posted by BlueEyedAngel
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Posted on July 11, 2007 12:22 PM
I didn't watch it all, just up until right before Boy Shakira performed.
He really got through??
WHY????
He's obviously out of his GD mind. That would be like the judges on AI letting through all of the psychos that think they can sing.
Or SYTYCD letting in that guy that calls himself "Sex".
Seriously... WTF???
Anyways... the magicians were really cool. Loved the older guy. Don't know how the heck he did that trick but it was cool as hell.
I also like the chubby guy singer with his guitar and the acapella rock group... wish they had shown them more b/c that singer is amazing.
4 of 9 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on July 11, 2007 9:45 PM
^ yea i believe his name is Cass. i absolutely love him.. He has a Brad Nowell (from Sublime) element to hos voice, mixed with a little Mraz and John Popper. I hope he makes it way far.
5 of 9 | Posted by cansnuts
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Posted on July 12, 2007 7:20 AM
"Angelhoff"
Loved the recap!
6 of 9 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:02 AM
Some of my previous comment didn't show up. "Angelhoff" cracked me up. :)
7 of 9 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:06 AM
I think this article sums it pretty well, but I would argue the varied talent just adds to the entertainment value. I love America's Got Talent, and can't wait to see the 2 hour premiere tomorrow night.
8 of 9 | Posted by punkypower | Posted on June 16, 2008 12:53 PM
Simon Cowell says the new season has the best talent he's ever seen on any reality tv show ever, and we all know what a harsh judge he is. Hasselhoff has posted a video blog on NBC to give us a preview as to what to expect on tonight's premiere, check it out:
www.nbc.com/Americas_Got_Talent/video/index.shtml#mea=263862
9 of 9 | Posted by sundancekid82 | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:31 AM