I never thought that the act to live up to the Hoff's expectations would be a baton-twirler, but perhaps that's only because my childhood dreams of becoming one never came to fruition (mainly because I was too lazy to practice for more than a minute before my attention was diverted to something shiny). However, a baton twirler it is, and as his music starts I think it's the song from the end of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." (You know, "Chicka.... chicka-chickaaaahhh DEW Bope bope. Chicka.... chicka-chickahhh." You know. The Twix song.) But it's not, it's just a funky beat and I like it anyway. I boogie in my seat while watching this kid twirl and I wonder what kind of twisted mother he must have had to make him take twirling lessons as a kid. Then, as I really get into the groove, I begin to think that perhaps he stumbled into a twirling class as a little 7-year-old boy and got hooked, but had to hide it from his overly masculine single father and brothers. Damn, that would make a great movie! Someone get me a contract!
Too bad it was already made.
Next are the dueling magicians. It's kind of interesting because the young guy gushes over the fact that he's here in direct competition with Kevin James (no, not THAT Kevin James) because he is one of the greatest magicians of all time, and even took this kid under his wing years ago as a mentor. It is now sensei versus student. Anthony Reed, the kid, goes first and at first I think he's going to do the classic Houdini: escape some serious metal chains while underwater.
I think we all held our breath during this moment.
But then, BAM! A busty girl draws the curtains over the aquarium and suddenly drops down, and in a split second Anthony is out and she is locked in. Bwaahh???
I've GOT to find out what kind of waterproof mascara she uses.
If you think that's impressive, you should see Kevin James.
His comedic stylings are truly astounding.
And the other magician is pretty amazing too. I'm not sure how, but with the help of Li'l Charlie Chaplin and a drag queen naughty nurse, he seems to slice this dude in half.
"Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy!"
It really freaks my shit out when he does this though.
And this.
EEK!
Now THAT is what I call bringing it. Give him a show on the strip right now. He's got my vote. I hope you never forgot about Boy Shakira! I know I sure didn't. He's back and better than ever! No, I'm pretty sure he's just going to do the same crap as before. But maybe, hopefully, he has studied hours upon hours of Shakira videos and performances so as to really nail down her technique.
Her hips be truthful.
Naw, he/she's pretty much the same. Uh-oh, next is Freaky Dolls.
Ugghh!
Still makes me shudder whenever I see them. Anyway, she thinks she can step up her game this time around by adding even more to her talent bonanza: she's going to sing, "Broadway-style." Great. Well, at least she's changing it up a little. Oh JESUS is she terrible. I actually winced during her performance to karaoke accompaniment. But apparently the judges love it, which makes me scream "WHAT?!?!?" at my TV and nearly knock it over with a thrown beer bottle Dammit, the only thing worse than a bad performer are THREE bad judges. Sigh. Then the Scary-Ass Dancers come back, as well as Gimpy. To complete the trio, we've got Kashif, the ever-charming Bollywood dancer who charmed his way into American hearts everywhere and made me say, "Who the hell are these judges, anyway? Are they fuckin' blind??"
The Middle-Eastern Moonwalk!
Sure enough, he still looks like he's dancing alone in his bedroom. And still the judges adore him. Sharon says he's a sexy little thing.
SHARON YOU ARE SMOKING CRACK!!!
Whatev's. Next is Ivan the Urban Action Figure (he made up the nickname, not me). As he's preparing, Hasselhoff mutters to the others, "I don't know what's more nerve-wracking, being a judge or being up there." Um, I'm pretty sure it's worse for those performing for millions of people for only the second time in their lives. So Ivan's set to amaze us all, but doesn't quite clear the chairs he's supposed to jump over. I know it would have been cool to see him accomplish that, but as it happens he actually just crashes all over them, and I'm pretty sure he spins on his head on the way down.
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Comments (9)
Type 2 diabetes....nice
1 of 9 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on July 11, 2007 10:36 AM
Really, what's up with all the freaks moving on? Why?
Funny, how one of the rockabilly kids asked "Why, of all the shows, this one had to be our worse?" Perhaps, because you guys were goofing off instead of practicing?
Two of the magicians were excellent! The third, the one that looks like the butler from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, stunk!
2 of 9 | Posted by jmchez
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Posted on July 11, 2007 11:18 AM
okay, i don't know if i can watch this anymore. i mean, they say that the baton twirler had been the first one to show great improvement, but they dont' let him through. but, Boy Shakira gets through? does this make sense to anyone? please explain.
3 of 9 | Posted by BlueEyedAngel
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Posted on July 11, 2007 12:22 PM
I didn't watch it all, just up until right before Boy Shakira performed.
He really got through??
WHY????
He's obviously out of his GD mind. That would be like the judges on AI letting through all of the psychos that think they can sing.
Or SYTYCD letting in that guy that calls himself "Sex".
Seriously... WTF???
Anyways... the magicians were really cool. Loved the older guy. Don't know how the heck he did that trick but it was cool as hell.
I also like the chubby guy singer with his guitar and the acapella rock group... wish they had shown them more b/c that singer is amazing.
4 of 9 | Posted by Shollia
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Posted on July 11, 2007 9:45 PM
^ yea i believe his name is Cass. i absolutely love him.. He has a Brad Nowell (from Sublime) element to hos voice, mixed with a little Mraz and John Popper. I hope he makes it way far.
5 of 9 | Posted by cansnuts
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Posted on July 12, 2007 7:20 AM
"Angelhoff"
Loved the recap!
6 of 9 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:02 AM
Some of my previous comment didn't show up. "Angelhoff" cracked me up. :)
7 of 9 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on July 12, 2007 10:06 AM
I think this article sums it pretty well, but I would argue the varied talent just adds to the entertainment value. I love America's Got Talent, and can't wait to see the 2 hour premiere tomorrow night.
8 of 9 | Posted by punkypower | Posted on June 16, 2008 12:53 PM
Simon Cowell says the new season has the best talent he's ever seen on any reality tv show ever, and we all know what a harsh judge he is. Hasselhoff has posted a video blog on NBC to give us a preview as to what to expect on tonight's premiere, check it out:
www.nbc.com/Americas_Got_Talent/video/index.shtml#mea=263862
9 of 9 | Posted by sundancekid82 | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:31 AM