Ah, summertime. The glorious months traditionally thought to be a television wasteland, after all of the good shows have had their finales, are no longer so. Well, actually, it is still a wasteland, but at least it's an entertaining one. At least during summer we have no question about the quality of the programming; we just accept that it's going to be beyond ridiculous. And thus: "America's Got Talent."
Truthfully I had never seen the show before. It was one of the few TV shows outside of my pop culture realm of knowledge, so I had no idea what to expect. I know it was recapped last summer, so I'll try to do it justice. I found out the hard way that the premiere episode was a two-hour extravaganza of ridiculosity, so this is gonna be a long recap, but just go with me on this one... we'll get through it together. Going into it I had some predictions of what we might see. I placed my bets on a few singers, a few dancers, maybe a yodeler, possibly some armpit musicians, and definitely some crazy outfits all around. I'm just not sure how they expect to take it outside of the audition process, since obviously the point of all of this is to showcase the talentLESS of America.
In the beginning, the mystery host tells us that last summer, an 11-year-old won the competition. Really? Eleven-year-old? This could be interesting. After a tasty montage of what we have to look forward to this season, including New Yorker cowboys and tap dancers that all seem to look like Abigail Breslin, we finally get to meet our judges. (Well, I get to meet them, you get to see them once again.) I know you must have missed them. I mean, look at this lineup. You know that they of all people would know talent.
The HOFF??? Mystery Host describes him as one of America's greatest entertainment legends. Yeah. This is legendary alright.
He is so Botoxed and his eyes and skin are so lifted that I imagine he wakes up in the morning and waxes his face on. He looks like Madame Tussaud's very own celebrity Frankenstein monster.
"Honestly, who has time for frowning?"
Then there's some dude whom I've never heard of, but is apparently is a news editor. Well, that's not bad. He's not such a crazy person to have as a host. I'm betting that he'll be the meanest one, since he's the least-known and therefore must overcompensate by making a name for himself by being an asshole. (Hello Simon Cowell!)
Last but not least, we've got the most talented of all: Sharon Osborne? How did she rise to power as a celebrity, really? What has she ever done except marry a psychotic rock star and scold her kids in a kittenish voice?
We finally get to see who our host is. OHHHHHH! It's Springer! Whaddya know. Yet another person totally qualified to show us the wide range of talent present in this great nation. The first auditions are held in Dallas, Texas. Where better to kick off our salute to America's amazingly gifted peoples than in Texas, the home state of our brave (and talented) president. Literally thousands of people have shown up for these auditions. I can't help but wonder what the hell kind of amazing abilities people think they're so blessed with. I mean, I can palm the floor without bending my knees, but that doesn't mean I should be on TV (perhaps it just means I should bitch about TV instead).
The first person to kick us off is a man who looks not unlike the guy who played Ramathorn in "Super Troopers," but in about twenty years and three thousand beers. He's pretty creepy in his white robe outfit and deep voice, sort of like if Barry White and Inspector Gadget had a sick love child.
I'm pretty sure this guy tried to flash me on the subway once.
He sings "Don'tcha." Seriously, the first act is a Pussycat Dolls tribute?!?! I was soooo destined to recap this show. Actually, he doesn't even really sing the lyrics, he kind of just drifts in and out of the song, but we all know that with that robe, the singing isn't really the main event, now is it? Before long, he turns around and, to the shrieking cries of the audience and the horror of the judges, whips off the robe and prances around in little more than a tie and poorly fitting pants. Sexy to the MAX!
Tsk Tsk. What would Nicole Scherzingsticky say?
« Recap: Inferno: Giraffic Park Feet Markgate | Main | Recap: Charm School: Watch and Learn »
Comments (8)
O. Snapp goes on to the next round for an awesome recap.
Yeah, this show is awful. That Breeze girl was wearing far too much makeup for a 9 year old girl. I smell a mom trying to live vicariously through her daughter. Next.
I also got the SWV (Sisters With Voices for the uneducated, or is that Sistahs?) vibe from the girl group. I liked them. I also liked Jabberwockeez despite their unnecessary wacky spelling. I've just always been fascinated by breakdancing. Goes back to my days of watching Breakin' over and over with my older brother.
And oh man, the nerdy saxophone guy was awesome. Too much funk for one pasty geek to contain.
1 of 8 | Posted by brendahamLincoln
|
Posted on June 8, 2007 10:29 AM
O. Snapp, I like your style. Excellent recap.
2 of 8 | Posted by Clair
|
Posted on June 8, 2007 11:16 AM
Holy crap! It's the MUMMY!http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/images/americasgottalent/season2/talent6807_0aHoff.jpg
3 of 8 | Posted by Ubiquitous
|
Posted on June 8, 2007 11:57 AM
Holy crap! It's the MUMMY!http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/images/americasgottalent/season2/talent6807_0aHoff.jpg
4 of 8 | Posted by Ubiquitous
|
Posted on June 8, 2007 11:58 AM
Great recap Snapp (is it ok if I call you Snapp?). I am glad I am not the only one who shuddered at the jabberwocky guys - those masks are just too creepy. I like that Sharon tried to stand up for the little girl - but the way she went about it - leaving the poor girl up on that stage all scared looking, wasn't really the way to go about it.
Last season Regis Philbin was the emcee, he was pretty stiff, awkard and lame and I thought he did a horrible job. That is until I saw Springer. I can't believe I actually want Philbin back.
Oh and one last comment - that slinky dude performs at Sea World in Orlando several shows a day, every day. He's part of a show called Odyssea.
5 of 8 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
|
Posted on June 10, 2007 9:28 AM
Funny recap!
who re-capped this last year (I wanna say it was B-Side)
anyway, whoever it was aply renamed this show "America's Got Balls". Ever since then, I can't get that out of my head!
6 of 8 | Posted by anniedawg25
|
Posted on June 10, 2007 1:55 PM
I saw the repeat last night. Sharon's walk-off was totally staged (pardon the pun). I know a friend whose does what the areialist did. I'm sure he'll be contacted by Circ de Solieux in the near future. The sax player was awesome!
7 of 8 | Posted by Ubiquitous
|
Posted on June 12, 2007 6:14 AM
Damn. I actually liked the Hoff's singing (hated the video). Quick, what's that mean?
O. Snapp. No props for the cute screen name, but you are a very good writer and you do get through to the next round.
Piers is a dick and he shouldn't have cowed that poor little girl on stage. However, I understand his feelings, as I feel that showbiz parents that "encourage" their kids to be put up, vulnerable to public ridicule are in reality child abusers.
Glad that midway through the recap you developed a grudging like for the Hoff. While he's become a parody of the young hunk he once was and he has suffered the indignity of his own daughter posting the drunken video of the poor man (tough love my ass!), he's still a fairly likeable and vulnerable person that fails to see he could easily segue into another successful, if older persona, who retains some of the love America has had for him.
Sharon Osbourne's bit as a huffy nanny disn't impress me at all and, as is rightly pointed out, abandoned that little girl to her fate.
In all, a kinda funny/sad show that I will watch with a sense of embarrassment for those poor, deluded fools.
The only good one on was the sax guy. I expect more and better things from him. The large family blew it when they brought on all the urchins who did not contribute anything to the act, save for letting us know that's one prolific bunch of f___ers.
Write on, Snapp!
8 of 8 | Posted by Tony A.
|
Posted on June 13, 2007 10:06 AM