Doesn't he look like a grown-up Chucky?
So it's the 8th week of this retarded show and after the guilty pleasure of watching hordes of massively untalented people go home, the sweet taste of condescending satisfaction wears off and we're left with the filmy aftertaste of the top ten. While the contestants cuddle with their inflated egos at night, I lay awake and wonder why Boy Britney and Kashif got through so far. I'm all for diversity, but... Terry Fator is different. These guys are just plain shitty. And so, through yet another painful week we sit through Piers being crotchety, Sharon being kittenish, and the Hoff sucking everyone's proverbial cock with bad puns. If you skipped the show because of the eye-rolling injuries it causes but wonder whether America's still "Got Talent," don't worry. I suffer so you don't have to.
After the usual shmancy graphics and backlit intros, we get a little taste of the Jerr-ster, who is all gussied up in a suit and tie.
I finally found a tie to match my microphone!
Then we finally get to know our top ten! Yessss! After a week of agonizing, wondering who we would end up with, our curiosity is satisfied. I'll tell you right now, Boy Britney looks so sweet and hopeful and innocent that I know he/she cannot possibly move forward.
Don't get too excited, sweetie.
Poor thing. As crazy as she is, I still think Boy Britney is a sweetheart and I'm sad for her (as a person, not as a judge of talent) when her name is not called. Those who made it were the puppet dude, the Jamaican dudes (has Hoff made a "Jamaican me crazy" joke yet???), Mr. New Chuck Taylors, The Clown Car Vagina Family, and Douche Nozzle of the Universe. Yeah. America chose "Life Is A Highway" over a perfectly good act like Southern Girl. Or a drag queen. Or total utter silence for three minutes.
After every name called they play the same fucking jingle and it's starting to drive me crazy! You know, the one they use when they come back from commercials too? You know, it goes, "Duh duh, duh Duh duh, DUH DUHHHHHH!" You know the one. They overuse it by about thirty times, but just when I start to gripe to myself I remember how many times they used "All Or Nothing At All" during the auditions and I start to remind myself to be grateful for the little things.
Anyway, at least Sharon is honest when she tells Jerry that there are a few acts that she would never, ever have let through to the top 10. Oh really? Then why did you let them through the audition phase?
Well, we're lucky, kids, because tonight is Family Night at Mormon Central. The toothy tensome known as The Duttons mosey onto the stage to play "The Devil Went Down To Georgia." Aren't they running out of fiddle songs to play? I think they must have each had one friend vote for them, because I don't see how else this snoozefest got through. They're just so... wholesome. And so... nice. What does America see in them?
Hey man, why the long face?
Wasn't she in "Van Helsing"?
Next is Robert Hatcher, who actually does have the best sob story I've ever heard: he works in the sewers.
Sob story... now with added dying grandfather!
After all of that I do wish that he would win, just so that sob story would become a rags-to-riches story that we can all believe in. Unfortunately, when he opens his mouth to sing, I would rather listen to a chorus of dozens of fingernails on one big chalkboard with backup vocals from ten teenage girls repeating, "LIKE OMG!!!! LOL!!!" Hasselhoff seemed to like it though. The judges and their delusional hearing all applaud him. Piers, at least, has his wits about him and informs the chap that he was not up to par.
The Calypso Tumblers tell us about their motherland in the West Indies and how, when their hometown found out they would be on TV, they used up all of the electricity and the place had a blackout! Wow, crazy story! I wonder, then, if everyone tuned into the same Yankees game one day and that was how New York had its blackout.
Who's got the crazy eyes?
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Comments (2)
When mean ol' Piers hurt the feelings of those cute kids on Sideswipe and then made Hottie Sideswipe nearly cry, I had to stop voting for Butterscotch and give the rest of my votes to them.... then I went to my cell phone and gave them ten more votes. Then my daughter saw what I was doing and whipped out HER cell phone and gave them 10 more votes. Take that Piers! Poopy head.
1 of 2 | Posted by Clair![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 3, 2007 3:05 PM
As soon as I saw your recap listed, I said to myself "Wow! THAT lame show is STILL on??"
Thanks for taking another long, painful bullet so the rest of us don't have to!
2 of 2 | Posted by NightWalker![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 4, 2007 9:55 AM