For her set, she decides to straighten her hair. YES. COVER THOSE EARS.
Good decision, my liege.
She does the coolest version of "Summertime" I've ever heard, beatboxing even the trumpet section in the beginning. She is awesome: kittenish without being annoyingly over-sexual. I hate it when bitches get that way.
The hottie dance/martial arts troupe Sideswipe is next. Now, let's get real, people: how can they not get to the top with a combination of kick-ass moves and sweaty, bare torsos?
They've got my vote.
If they can sing... they might just be the next New Kids On The Block! They do their routine, which is astounding and actually DOES require talent and practice, among the screams of every girl in the audience. I think even The Hoff gets turned on.
"Ohhh yeahhhh"
And so does Sharon...
... And so does everyone else...
... Especially when they rip their shirts off and scream.
Aiiiiiiight....... if they don't get through to the next level, I am calling emergency medical dispatch on every American vagina (and homosexual cock).
"Never for a moment in my life have I ever looked like that," says the Jerr-ster. Ahaha ha ha ha! Jerry, you slay me.
Never?? You don't say!
Now, Manuel Romero is someone I can't, for the life of me, remember from any of the auditions... however I do remember that at last week's "Top 20" reveal, the snippet of his singing made me want to cry. It was delicate, simple, beautiful and I wanted to see more. This week the 18-year-old says in a lead-in to his performance, "When I sing 'When You Love A Woman'... I really have loved a woman, so I know what I'm singing about." Gee, I hope it wasn't one of those freaky teacher-student affairs we're always hearing about. Unfortunately for us, during this presentation he is not nearly as charming as he was when he performed with his acoustic guitar and no ego.
And that Jheri Curl/mullet combo has GOT to go.
In fact, he sounds pretty bad and he makes me want to vomit from my ears and eyes.
Moving on... the last but certainly not least group to perform are the Glamazons. I wonder what "Moulin Rouge" song they'll rip off this time?
Perhaps "Elephant Love Medley?"
Okay, that was pretty mean. For the record, I have nothing against full-figured ladies, but come on! I've been so good up until now! Almost no fat jokes at all!
Well, now that I've gotten it out of my system, I am ready to see their performance. They sing "Hot Stuff." Oooh, something new! They really ARE just like the Pussycat Dolls. They can't do all of the moves, really (like bending all the way over all sexy) but they do have loads of confidence and they strut their stuff proudly, and for that I applaud them.
You GO, girlfriends!
I think we've all been there... you're at a sleepover with your girlfriends, you have a couple of cocktails, and you find yourself making up dance routines at one in the morning and videotaping it. The only difference is that these ladies had the guts to take it (and their Mallomars) all the way to Vegas.
Okay, I promise that's the last one for the evening. The voting is up to you now, dear readers! Actually, by the time you read this, the virtual voting booths will be closed, so I hope you got your votes in on time. It won't surprise you that I voted for Elfin Princess and, of course, Sideswipe. But if I know America and small town voting audiences (and I think I do), that weasely 14-Year-Old With The Decent Makeover will take it. Little wench.
So who'd you vote for?
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Comments (2)
I can't believe no one has commented...absolutely hilarious recap!
I completely agree with you about the 14 year old. For some reason I can't stand hearing little kids sing. Especially teenage girls because they get all into it and usually have crazy facial expressions. Anyway keep up the good work, you are great!
1 of 2 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on July 19, 2007 1:31 PM
O. Snapp - fantastic recap! (hey, that rhymes) I can't stand to watch this trainwreck of a show myself, seriously, how can those 3 people be anointed to judge talent?! But I love your recaps, especially all the screencaps. Keep up the great snark.
2 of 2 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on July 21, 2007 9:23 AM