13. Eric "Harry Carrey" Mal
This was the worst for me. Not because it was particularly bad, but because it was so painstakingly, offensively mediocre. Nerdy looking guy does bad Arnold Schwarzeneggar impression. Nerdy guy does bad Yoda impression. Nerdy guy does bad Shaggy impression. Aren't those like the three easiest impressions to do? And they are all bad. So the only talent this guy has, is the talent of not getting laid in High School. Great. And PS Mr. Mal. There is only one Harry Carry:
>
14. Vladimir Malachiklin
So at first this guy comes out looking like a someone from the dirty pre-teen version of a Cirque du Soleil act, and like Piers admitted later I assumed I was going to hate this kid.
I COULD TOTALLY KICK THIS KIDS ASS
Then things changed and he started doing things like this:
UHH, HEY MAN, JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT KICK YOUR ASS COMMENT
15. Team AcroDunk
These guys are a group of flying athletes who hit basket after basket while flying through the air. Piers is not wowed, because he's white and from England. They go through because Brandy likes them and the Hoff has already picked out one of them to star in Courtwatch, a new show about beach basketball players who moonlight as paranormal lifeguards.
16. Jay Myl
HEY LOOK MY TALENT IS SNEEZING! GIVE ME A MILLION BUCKS!
Jay Myl is a Nose Floutist. Yes he plays the flute with his nose. Big deal. I play the trumpet with my ass after a good Mexican dinner. You don't see me heading to Taco Bell and to meet Brandy, do you? The only entertaining part is that when they triple-X Jay he goes nuts and starts yelling at all the judges, basically calling them talentless. Piers is British so he doesn't care; Brandy starts pulling out her Platinum albums and Grammy's, promising new material soon; The Hoff gets the most upset so he puts on a red swimsuit and runs across the stage in slowmotion while singing in German and cheating on his wife. TAKE THAT NOSE FLUTE!
17. Betty Victor
Let's just say that Betty Victor is as good a singer as you would think she is from this picture:
NEXT!
18. The Boofant Sisters
I Can't tell if they are women or men in drag - but who hasn't made that mistake, right? Oh, just me? Awkward... The judges agree that they put on a good show. But they aren't right for THIS show. Unlike the 293728 year old male stripper.
19. Ivan Pecel
Ivan thinks he's a really good juggler. Which he is I suppose. But he's really cocky about the whole thing. So he's quite shocked when this happens:
The Hoff hates him and hates jugglers. That's not talent, he says. The Hoff tells his co-judges that if they let this guy through it'll be ruining the integrity of the show. Umm, what? Piers is on the fence. Brandy likes Ivan, even though he's a douchebag, and she astutely reminds Piers that this show is about showcasing talent, and Ivan's talent happens to be juggling, which he happens to be good at. Piers is convinced and Ivan is put through. The Hoff is so ticked off that he jumps into KITT and takes a lap around the parking lot to cool down.
20. Nathan Burton
I still can't figure out what this guy's talent is. Is it winning big on Win, Lose or Draw?
Or Microwaving himself?
Oh no! Now I got it! It's doing what Kevin Federline hasn't been able to accomplish in 25 years! Making himself Black!
21. Holy Cow
The only reason I'm even commenting on this is to call it Bovine Bullshit.
22. Michael Speaks
Michael Speaks is a Gospel singing God in training. Unlike Mandisa he doesn't offend anyone, and the judges love him. But as much as these people:
23. Vladik Miagkostoupov
Despite his Tarzan outfit and the fact that he is once again a juggler, Vladik is pretty good. You see he's not a regular juggler, he's a sprite-like juggler who throws thing while dancing lyrically. Even the Hoff who is juggling averse can't help but be intrigued.
VERRRRRRY intrigued:
24. Wild Life Wendy & Wazoo
I didn't know being a crazy bird lady was a talent. Unfortunately, the judges seem to agree.
25. JR Johns & His Best Friends
I didn't know bestiality was a talent. Unfortunately, the judges seem to disagree.
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Comments (12)
The Svan watched the show due to a family request. You did not mention the most irritating portion of the entire broadcast. The judges repeatedly hit each other’s buttons so the whole thing was beyond ridiculous. God, if only I had those two hours back.
1 of 12 | Posted by The Svan
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Posted on June 27, 2006 7:45 PM
i liked this better when it was called the gong show.
brandy, i spanked it to jaye p. morgan. and you are no jaye p. morgan.
2 of 12 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on June 27, 2006 9:19 PM
Worst show EVER! They should just rename it "The Price Of Making A Deal Searching For A Gong Star Show" because there is NOTHING original about this show at all.
STOP STEALING FROM OTHER TV SHOWS!!! Whats up with the way they call them down? I'll bet $201 on the showcase, Reg!
And apparently the audience is asked to dress up in wierd costumes ala Let's Make A Deal.
The Hoff is the only good thing about this show. I compeletly lost respect for Brandy after she was defending her lack of a current hit record to that one guy. And Simon, if the British guy on your show isnt you. No one cares.
3 of 12 | Posted by JennCho
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Posted on June 27, 2006 9:35 PM
The singers are mediocre and the jugglers drop stuff. Even the novelty acts suck. RappingGranny=yawnsville.
I THOUGHT Hoff, recovering from his Idol sobfest, would be my saving grace, but for me his whole awkward, stupid-funny thing wore off and after 20 minutes he was giving me a stomach ache... seriously I can't deal. He's like the person in the room you try your hardest not to talk to.
Props to my girl Brandy though. She'll always be my Cinderella.
Oh, and I actually think Syd the kid was the one pretty OK act. Sort of like a young raven with an edge? Maybe not...
4 of 12 | Posted by MikeyLikesIt
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Posted on June 28, 2006 12:58 AM
I must admit I really liked the finger snap guy. He was by far the best one.
5 of 12 | Posted by jenny10girl
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Posted on June 28, 2006 5:40 AM
I hate novelty acts. A lot. Especially the ones who take themselves way too seriously (I'm talking to YOU, bird-lady!).
6 of 12 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 28, 2006 7:54 AM
Not so bad really. I like variety acts, it beats the constant singing shows.
The RappinGranny was awful though, worst of the night.
It was fairly entertaining and gave me a few laughs.
7 of 12 | Posted by Whovite
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Posted on June 28, 2006 7:54 AM
Strangely enough, I didn't mind "Rappin' Granny", although by the end of the show I was sick and tired of them teasing her as we went out and returned from commercial break, which kinda ruined it for me.
8 of 12 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 28, 2006 8:01 AM
I really tried to watch this show, but I quit after about 20 minutes. It got old really quickly, and was just painful to watch.
9 of 12 | Posted by Casey
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Posted on June 28, 2006 8:06 AM
The thing with the juggler who dropped everything was clearly staged. He dropped the stuff on purpose, his argument with Piers and Piers's offer to let him juggle the knives was scripted, and he could really juggle all along. They just put it in there to liven things up a bit.
I liked that little girl who sang "I Have Nothing", mostly because I like to sing that song in the shower. Syd the Kid didn't have the greatest material, but I guess it's ok because she's 8.
The Hoff is by far the best part of the show though. He's like your weird uncle who awkwardly uses slang, like, "I thought you were off the hook!"
10 of 12 | Posted by Lisa
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Posted on June 28, 2006 8:36 AM
I just want to state for the record that it was Mr. C who wanted to watch this, but being that it is summer, no BB7 yet and nothing on, I plopped down and checked it out too.
Urgh, it was as cheesy as I thought it'd be.
And The Swan is right, the pushing of other's buttons was completely irritating.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who wasn't impressed by Rappin' G-ma. Loooved The DH's (or The Hoff's) dancin'. That was the best part. Ok, that and the Regis balloon.
11 of 12 | Posted by MrsC
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Posted on June 28, 2006 9:34 AM
I've never seen this show, and I am so glad. So...so glad.
However, I must say, Brandi looks *just* like Star freaking Jones in that recap pic.
.... so glad.
12 of 12 | Posted by spatula
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Posted on June 29, 2006 2:00 PM