Surprisingly, they are from Dallas (uh, why didn't they just audition IN DALLAS?) and even more surprisingly, they have beautiful voices. I imagine they all have 9-to-5 jobs and wives and kids and they somehow just practice this in their garage. It's pretty cool. I don't know what I'd do if I found out my dad did this in his spare time.
They get through (naturally) and after a ridiculous hand-farting act and a comedian who concedes by admitting, "You can't make everyone happy; you should know that, David" (HA! YES! Zing!), plus no less than three people ripping on the Hoff's (lack of) talent (including Piers himself), we are blessed with the presence of Leonid, who was in last year's auditions and obviously didn't get through.
Now THAT'S New York.
He is accompanied by two freaky women, and together they make the scariest threesome I could possibly ever imagine.
Although, really, what's not to love?
His act consists of throwing his women down and the three of them sort of dancing, sort of reenacting some kind of S&M sex act with chains, cartwheels and juggling, all to some sweet techno beats. You know, your basic Saturday night.
A sex nightmare come to life.
His headdress is toppled over upon completion of the act, and his two lovely ladies fall down and try to make it look like part of the act. It's horrendous, and would be terrifying if it weren't so ridiculous.
Hasselhoff repeats, "NO. NO. NO. NO. NO." Leonid responds by saying he will never give up his dreams, and tells the Hoff to "go to hell. I know who I am."
He hangs his head in humility, then Sharon tells him she gives him a "Yes."
Well, that perked him right up!
Piers says it was "oddly enjoyable." Uh-oh. Don't even do this, Piers. Are you serious? Piers actually puts this guy through to the next round. WHAT THE HELL??? Uh, I don't have anything against freaky people or anything, in fact I thought he was quite entertaining, but... in a funny way, not in a real way. Does Piers really expect this guy to go head-to-head with that douchey country singer from last week and win? I think Piers just did it to piss off the Hoff.
It works, because this causes David to storm offstage, as he tends to do, and refuse to come out of his dressing room. What a fucking baby. Is he so starved for attention that he needs to have the halfway point focus every episode? You know, the part of the show that breaks up hours 1 and 2 by giving us some drama. Where is Piers' drama episode? This is Hasselhoff's second Halfway Focus in a row! Pretty unfair, if you ask me.
He "threatens to quit the show," which we all know is total bullshit, because there's this little thing in the biz called a contract that won't let that happen. Come on, producers, we're onto you. Indeed, it was all just a ploy for attention, because the Hoff waits until the audience is chanting his name (barf) until he advises to the at-home audience, "Hassle the Piers, DON'T HASSLE THE HOFF!" before running onstage to his adoring fans.
Don't worry, his ego has been revived! Thank God.
Next is Julia, who is 14 and has never been on an audition or even to a singing lesson. "Maybe this is what I'm supposed to do," she says "humbly." "Maybe this is God telling me this is my path." So, by you traveling from Maryland to New York and waiting behind thousands of other people to have a chance to audition, that's GOD giving you a sign? I'm pretty sure your own mind had something to do with it too.
She sings a damn Leann Rimes song, and although she's not God-awful, she's not astounding or anything. I suppose any normal person would call it mediocre. She gets off-key here and there, and I predict that the judges will tell her she's just not ready. Because she obviously isn't.
Not to mention that makeover she needs.
To my utter surprise, they fall all over themselves to tell her how great and how talented she is. "WHAT??" I yell at the TV. "Give me a fucking break!!" When she gets through to the next round, I wonder what ever happened to the Piers who used to have standards? The Piers who loved to crush people's dreams? I miss that Piers! Bring him back! Get this pussy off my television.
Let's go from young innocent lame-o to a pair of geriatric lame-os.
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