TVgasm Recaps

***We've searched high and low for the bestest recapper for this show, and finally found our boy. Please give a warm round of applause to the newest (thinnest, hosttest, and most gorgeous) member of the Gasm clan, Hypnotoad!

Previously on America's Most Smartest Model, Slavco and Jamie were eliminated in the first 5 minutes. Like, why didn't they just have 14 people on the show instead of 16? What's the point? Jamie said we haven't heard the last of her, like a good reality contestant should. Pickel revealed he has ADHD. The winner gets $100,000 and an Extreme Style VO5 ad campaign. Kinda lame, if you ask me. Andre pissed everyone off because he's an arrogant Russian jerk. He also said that he doesn't work out and is "blessed like his Soviet ancestors." If this show were on 20 years ago, America would be totally pissed. But now we hate the Middle East, so it's all good.

Angry Russians are adorable.

The contestants had a spelling bee and Daniel won. In the second challenge, models had to walk the runway while listing items in a category given by Ben Stein. Gaston said "dirty penis" while listing things that smell bad. Mandy Lynn was told she was too porny. Constantly. Jesse was told he was fat. Mandy Lynn, Victoria, and Gaston were in the bottom three, and in the end, Mandy Lynn was saved because Mary Alice Stephenson said she had heart and was willing to prove herself, but mostly she was saved because Ben Stein likes her boobs. Caught up? Let's get to it!

This week on America's Most Smartest Model, the fat guy cries, the Russian guy spits, and the toothpick with the bowling ball head kicks. Just another day in paradise.

Uh-oh, who called pierogis disgusting?

This week on America's Most Smartest Model, the "models" have to do science fair projects with Bill Nye the Science Guy, who turns out to be weirder than you remembered, nerds fill a much-needed void within the show as they submit themselves to shaving and a liberal supply of homemade tanning lotion, and Jesse accuses VJ of sabotaging a photo shoot, but not to VJ's face, of course. That's just not the Jesse way! Ten "models" remain, but one has to go home, so let's get to it.

Just hand this chick the title and get it over with.

You're getting verrrry sleeeeepy....

This week on America's Most Smartest Model, Jim Morrison teaches high school biology, Blonde Rachel goes all Charlotte's Web on us when it comes to fetal pig dissection, Andre tattles on not one, but two housemates, VJ makes steady gains on his evilness campaign, which may pay off in the end, and Ben and Mary Alice demand a Smart Off! Who will go home? Do we even care now that Mandy Lynn and Jesse are gone? Amazingly, yes!

Tonight on America's Most Smartest Model: Daniel is partnered with Blonde Rachel for a make-your-own-fashion show (could that decision come back to haunt him?), Santino Rice of Project Runway, some hairstylist from VO5, and someone else you've never heard of before guest-star, and not one, but TWO surprise eliminations leave everyone . . . well, surprised.

Uh-oh, I think this is a trick question.

This week on America's Most Smartest Model, A night out turns into a challenge, Aussie Rachael drinks too much, and Daniel drinks WAY too much and freaks the hell out in what has so far been the highlight of the show. Also, the "models" pose with animals, an alliance is formed, and Angela reminds us over and over again why we hate her.

This week on America's Most Smartest Model, the alliance continues, another ridiculously pathetic attempt at a runway show occurs (which Angela excels at, much to the audience's annoyance), Andre works well with a team for once, and the Brokebackian relationship of Pickel and Brett is put to the test.

Get me a DumDum. I'm bored.

Tonight on America's Most Smartest Model, Brett tries to pick up the pieces after the elimination of Pickel, go-karts are built rather shabbily and then raced in a medium-speed, minimal-tension race, a rotating car throws everyone off their game, and a surprise elimination decision surprises people. Because that's what it's supposed to do.

Surprise! The mullet's back!

Tonight on America's Most Smartest Model, the last 3 head to Palm Springs for a photo shoot and about 30 seconds of 1-on-1 with Mary Alice, Angela once again reminds us of why we dislike her so much (over and over and over again), Ben Stein barely makes an appearance, and one "model" is eliminated. I mean, obviously.

Pass that dutch, pretty.

Toss a coin. I'd do em both.