This week on America's Most Smartest Model, the fat guy cries, the Russian guy spits, and the toothpick with the bowling ball head kicks. Just another day in paradise.
Uh-oh, who called pierogis disgusting?
I don't really get the opening credits of this show. It looks like some version of the board game Mousetrap, which I never really got. By the time you get it all set up, it's like almost bedtime anyway, and what's the point? There is none. Just like these credits.
House. Night. Blonde Rachel says, "Let's party!" Surprised? I'm not. Angela says she'll do a body shot off a girl but not a guy. Nothing screams "I want attention!" quite like being a lesbian for a night. Just ask Tila Tequila. Speaking of tequila, everyone drinks some. Angela does a body shot off Blonde Rachel, and I notice how out of proportion Blonde Rachel's breasts are with the rest of her body. In case you haven't seen the show (and I don't know if I can forgive you for that), she looks like a cocktail onion embedded on a toothpick, with two green olives for breasts. Pickel says Blonde Rachel is sexually frustrated (doi!), and to prove this point, the editors show us Blonde Rachel saying, "Do we have condoms?" Probably, but I'll bet they're locked up like the bathroom and fridge. Uh-oh! You must know the year, month, and day of the attack on Pearl Harbor before you do the humpty-hump!
You're right! Orbit Mint Mojito does smell delicious! Why are your boobs so weird?
Andre is not participating, and the housemates are asking him why. Andre, being the epitome of wit that he always is, says, "Is this like a 'let's fuck with Andre' Soviet day? Or week?" I hope there's a good parade after the annual Let's Fuck With Andre Soviet Day (Or Week) 4-H Pancake Breakfast. Aussie Rachael says she's just trying to get to know him. Why the hell are these people even trying? Did you learn nothing from last week, you weak American/Australian pigs? Then Andre goes on this whole weird diatribe about not fucking with the Russians, and then says something about America and other countries where "no one has sandals and you ride camels." He's either talking about the current war in Iraq or a petting zoo. It's Andre, so really, it could be either/or.
Daniel says that what Andre says is so dumb he can't not say anything. Andre hulks out and pounds on the table, and VH1 does this stupid camera effect that makes it look that Andre can cause a 7.0 earthquake just by banging on the table. Blonde Rachel drunkenly slurs, "That was intense." Actually, I can't tell if she's drunk or not, since she slurs her words when she's sober. Everyone leaves Andre by himself. Where the hell is Mandy Lynn and her chesticles? I bet Ben Stein invited her to his trailer for some "late-night cramming." Later, in the boys' bedroom, Blonde Rachel, nipples blazing through her wife-beater, spreads her neediness and desperation all over VJ. They sleep together.
Morning. Pickel wants some orange juice, but the fridge is locked, and he has to figure out one half of 1,393,938. Okay, I'm not defending anyone on this show, but that just seems downright mean. They probably did this for Jesse, though, since he's a big ole fatty. Pickel can't find a paper and pen, so he gets out a knife and tries to figure out the problem by writing on the banana peel with a knife, like a chimp would do. You know, if chimps had easy access to knives. Next he'll go to the bedroom and pick the scabies off Blonde Rachel and VJ. That should take awhile. Jesse wakes up and runs on the treadmill. Oh! The way he "runs!" So hilarious! Let's see, how can I describe it. First off, he's barely speed walking. Second of all, he's breathing through his nose. Thirdly, his arms are sashaying way too much. Fourthly, shut up, Jesse.
Keep running.
Note du jour! Something called "Battle of the Bulge." I don't know either. Jesse looks worried though. And he's eating. Way to go, fatty. Daniel and Aussie Rachael talk about Andre, loudly, while Andre's in bed. Not only is that not smart, it's not most smartest. They, of course, awaken the beast, who I think slept in his jeans. Maybe that's how they roll, the Soviets. I guess after a long day of harvesting potatoes for vodka, you just want to go right to bed.
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Comments (9)
" Mandy Lynn's breasts have a power all to themselves. I bet they keep secrets from Mandy Lynn." Brilliantly put.
I think MA only wanted to keep Mandy Lynn around long enough to see what her hair looked like without those god-awful Long Island chunky streaks that went out in the early 90's. Oh well- there's always a spot in the porn industry.
That last pic of Jesse was so funny. Keep recapping, Hypno- you rock.
1 of 9 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on October 23, 2007 1:57 PM
It's been a little while since I've been to visit the 'gasm. It'd been even longer since I've watched a t.v. show--just moved into a new house.
Anyway...the minute the cable guys left the house, I tuned into VH1 to see what I've missed. What a beaut this gem of a show is! I silently prayed that someone would be recapping.
Thanks Hypno for listening! And doing an awesome job I might add. I think we're kindred spirits. My boyfriend and I laughed our butts off as we were instructed to "follow along at home" while enjoying an afternoon cocktail and tasty treat.
And the whole registering at Target thing...I totally did that in real life, except I said I was marrying Dr. John D. Dorian (J.D. from Scrubs). Apparently there is no gift registry for unmarried couples who decide to co-habitate in a newly bought home. How else was my family supposed to know what to buy me for housewarming gifts? (I didn't register with my boyfriend's name because I didn't want to give my poor old grandmother a glimmer of hope that I may one day marry a young man and make an honest woman of myself. Now she just thinks I'm desperately idiotic.)
What does this have to do with the recap? Nothing. Except it was just nice to know that I'm not alone in the goofy gift-registry department.
All in all, great job! Thanks for making my trek by to 'gasmland freaking awesome.
2 of 9 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on October 23, 2007 6:36 PM
Hypnotoad!!! Great recap!! I frickin love this show, between the toothpick twins(now down a pair) with ginormous boobs and WAY puffed up lips, and andre the russian who is oh so diplomatic NOT "I MUST BREAK YOU" Keep up the great work and i predict the house will gang up and teach andre about american justice by gang raping him with twinkies:)
3 of 9 | Posted by lloyd dobler | Posted on October 23, 2007 7:49 PM
I just love your recaps. This show is a combination of all the most craptastic elements a tvaholic could hope for. can't wait for Andre to lose his shit! You know he will.
Love ya hypnotoad!
4 of 9 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on October 24, 2007 9:17 AM
Great recap!
I haven't done math in like 15 years and I did that problem (by hand) that was locking the fridge. It took like .5 seconds and the answer is 696969. Who'd have ever guessed???
5 of 9 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on October 24, 2007 12:57 PM
anyone see that Andre Birleanu got arrested for some sexual violation of another model? check it out in the NY Post today. page 3a
6 of 9 | Posted by kaf0220 | Posted on October 26, 2007 12:29 PM
anyone see that Andre Birleanu got arrested for some sexual violation of another model? check it out in the NY Post today. page 3a
7 of 9 | Posted by kaf0220 | Posted on October 26, 2007 12:31 PM
I think Andre on AMSM is either real save about what to say to get ppl to hate him enough to stay or just awful enough to get by on that fantastic body and unusual though not handsome face Does anyone know his last name I want to see if he has done other modeling already
8 of 9 | Posted by pkuzak | Posted on October 31, 2007 3:54 PM
I think Andre on AMSM is either real save about what to say to get ppl to hate him enough to stay or just awful enough to get by on that fantastic body and unusual though not handsome face Does anyone know his last name I want to see if he has done other modeling already
9 of 9 | Posted by pkuzak | Posted on October 31, 2007 3:56 PM