***We've searched high and low for the bestest recapper for this show, and finally found our boy. Please give a warm round of applause to the newest (thinnest, hosttest, and most gorgeous) member of the Gasm clan, Hypnotoad!
Previously on America's Most Smartest Model, Slavco and Jamie were eliminated in the first 5 minutes. Like, why didn't they just have 14 people on the show instead of 16? What's the point? Jamie said we haven't heard the last of her, like a good reality contestant should. Pickel revealed he has ADHD. The winner gets $100,000 and an Extreme Style VO5 ad campaign. Kinda lame, if you ask me. Andre pissed everyone off because he's an arrogant Russian jerk. He also said that he doesn't work out and is "blessed like his Soviet ancestors." If this show were on 20 years ago, America would be totally pissed. But now we hate the Middle East, so it's all good.
Angry Russians are adorable.
The contestants had a spelling bee and Daniel won. In the second challenge, models had to walk the runway while listing items in a category given by Ben Stein. Gaston said "dirty penis" while listing things that smell bad. Mandy Lynn was told she was too porny. Constantly. Jesse was told he was fat. Mandy Lynn, Victoria, and Gaston were in the bottom three, and in the end, Mandy Lynn was saved because Mary Alice Stephenson said she had heart and was willing to prove herself, but mostly she was saved because Ben Stein likes her boobs. Caught up? Let's get to it!
We start off with Ben Stein telling us models are sexy, stylish, and stupid. Or are they? Pretty much, yeah. Mary Alice Stephenson, the contributing editor for Harper's Bazaar, is the co-host, along with Ben Stein. Remember Ben Stein from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Of course you do! He's also done some other smarty-pants stuff, but no one really cares about that. All we want to see is Ben Stein going, "Bueller . . . Bueller . . . Bueller . . ." Give the people what they want, Ben!
You won first prize at Harvard! Congrats!
I'm going to get serious for a second and explain the whole "challenge" process because that's what Ben Stein is doing right now. Here's how it works: There are basically 2 challenges in each episode. The first challenge will be based on intelligence. The winner of that challenge wins something called The Edge, which gives them a heads up in the 2nd challenge, which is more model based, although last week it incorporated some smarts as well. The winner of the 2nd challenge wins The Callback and is guaranteed a spot on next week's episode. Hence the name, The Callback. Not to be confused with "The Comeback," which was an awesome show with Lisa Kudrow that HBO stupidly cancelled. Long live Valerie Cherish! On with the show.
America's Most Smartest Cancelled Show
Disco-y techno music plays as the opening credits roll. And then we're at the house. Mandy Lynn is glad to still be here. I think she's sweet, and her heart is as big as her endowment. Now her brain power, on the other hand . . . The models wake up to find a new lock on the bathroom door. Oh, yeah - the bathrooms and fridge have number locks on them, with questions that the models have to answer correctly in order to have access to the crapper and the food box. Apparently, they change every week. This show is so complicated! So, today's bathroom code question is MDCLXVI. They're Roman numerals. So, that's 1666. I'd like to thank my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Ackerman for teaching our class Roman numerals. And I thought I'd never use them! Andre figures it out. Yay! Now he can poop! I'm totally waiting for the moment when one of the models gets really wasted and can't remember or figure out the code, and ends up barfing in someone else's bed. It'll happen. Mark my words. Jesse talks about how he's model-fat, but he's going to work out and eat right. Uh huh. That's what Keenyah said in cycle 4 of ANTM, and we all know how well it worked for her. And if you don't know, it didn't.
We still love you, girl.
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Comments (5)
Hypnotoad!!!Great recap!!
This show is just awesome, i love that any of those people think they are models, but then i remember that real models do look like that.....all beat up.
1)love your name, yeah futurama!
2) Mandy does look like a porn star, did not know it was possible to have lips bigger than your boobs.
3)Everytime andre talks, i hear in my head from rocky IV "I MUST BREAK YOU"
4)You should do an andre quote of the week, my fave so far "WE ARE GODS AND GODDESSES PEOPLE WOULD DIE TO BE US BRO"
til next time, yeah dumb oops i mean smart models:)
1 of 5 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 17, 2007 9:25 AM
I'm so glad someone is recapping this show! The first thing, I keep hoping desperately that Mary Alice will say something about Mandy Lynn's duckbill platypus lips (thank you lloyd dobbler, for pinting out that she has porn mouth!) - only porn stars (cough*Jenna Jameson*cough) and misled LA and OC (and maybe Miami?) wannabes go for this look, and it is scary, not pretty, and definitely NOT something an actual model would do to her face! Seriously, why these women want to put duck bills on their faces is beyond me - do any straight men actually find this attractive?
Secondly, has anyone noticed the bizarre facial expressions blond Rachel makes all the time (like she just sucked on a lemon and then realized it was moldy)? It almost makes her look like she has some form of facial palsy. Maybe she is just hungry...
2 of 5 | Posted by NolaO | Posted on October 17, 2007 9:54 AM
That was very funny Hypnotoad! OMG that picture of Eddie Murphy killed me! Really good recap.
3 of 5 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on October 17, 2007 9:24 PM
So glad you're on board Hypnotoad!
4 of 5 | Posted by alimae | Posted on October 17, 2007 10:14 PM
I've been looking forward to this show, mainly because I truly miss "Win Ben Stein's Money" (when Jimmy Kimmel was his sidekick, pre-Sarah Silverman). Mary Alice should be ashamed to call herself a "world renowned" fashion editor and drone on about how she has a reputation to uphold when she keeps dippy Mandy Lynn in the running. VH1 knows how to keep it's base audience coming back for more! ML needs to remove those hideous boob and lip implants. How she thought she qualified for this show is beyond me. I don't remember seeing any porn stars strutting the catwalk.
Enjoyed the recap immensely! I, too, thought Blonde Rachel's arms were disgustingly skinny; so gross. And Jesse is beyond dillusional. I belive my new nickname for him will be Paunch. Has anyone seen Peyton Manning's new Master Card commercial regarding getting abs? "I got news for you, if you're not under 23 or a professional football player, it's probably never going to happen". Since Paunch's bio says he's 26, and clearly not a football player, I don't have high hopes for him. Here's hoping you have lots of bedsheets to help you sail through this competition, Paunch!
5 of 5 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on October 18, 2007 5:35 AM