Aussie Rachael and Andre look at the Jaguar brochures and bad-mouth VJ, which is more important, obviously. Oooh, VJ is being really sneaky. He calls a friend and asks him to look up info on Jaguars. It's not clear on whether or not he asked his friend to email him the links or what-not, or if he just asked his friend to give him info over the phone. VJ may be kinda funny and hot, but I call shenanigans on that. Not cool, VJ.
Morning. Aussie Rachael actually says they're heading to the "Jag-yoo-ar" headquarters. Hee. They arrive at the headquarters and are greeted by two Jaguar executives, who seem like the kind of people you'd hate to wait on at a restaurant. The Jag execs give a presentation on the Jaguar car they'll be showing. It seems really, really boring, like your first day at a new job when all you do is sit there for a six-hour presentation on human resources stuff.
Just tell me how many freaking vacation and sick days I get and then leave me the hell alone!
Andre interviews that he is prepared. Aussie Rachael looks pretty, but I have to say, when it comes to performance? Not so good. She's up first, and when she walks out, there's an audience of people as well as Ben Stein, Mary Alice and the Jag execs. The room is really echo-y. And then the platform starts moving in a circle. It's a ride at EPCOT center! Who says you can't learn and have fun at the same time?! I did, in Orlando, in 1990.
Aussie Rachael is nervous and keeps laughing hysterically and making comments about not being comfortable with the moving platform. She's being self-deprecating, which isn't really a great trait to have when you're attempting to be a model. Or even a spokesmodel. Andre's next. The first thing he says when he comes in is, "Tough crowd, I heard." Insulting your audience is always a great way to start off. Much to my delight, he fails spectacularly, at one point saying that he could go "on and on" about the car and that "five minutes won't be enough," after which he says nothing. For like 10 seconds. Oh you guys, it's so embarrassing! And ever so funny.
Brett is up. His teeth are blinding me! Once the platform starts moving, he completely loses it, and is all, "I can't do it! The spinning car is not in my presentation!" Ben and Mary Alice tell him he's doing great and that he should keep going. The Jag execs purse their lips. He tries again, and then, he does the most abominable thing he could possibly do: Brett drops the F-bomb. In front of the audience and the Jag execs. I really wish one of the execs would run up to the car, hug it, and yell at Brett, "Not in front of the Jag!" The audience is not impressed. Nor am I, but you know what? Totally used to this.
Ben Stein, This Is Your Life!
VJ's next, and he looks hot in his suit. I'd buy a Jaguar from him. Heck, I'd buy a Ford Pinto from him. When the platform starts moving, VJ does the smart thing by stepping off of it. He does okay, but the way he's speaking kind of reminds me of the carnies at the game booths at the Kansas State Fair in Hutchinson (shout-out to lalia and all the Kansas peeps!). He actually says the words "pretty kitty" in reference to the car. I can almost smell the Pronto Pups and funnel cakes. Wait. Now he sounds like he's leading some corporate training seminar, or like Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia, if you replace the word "cock" with "Jaguar."
Mary Alice and Ben give him a standing ovation. Mary Alice yells, "Take your shirt off!" over the crowd. Oh, wait - that was me. Angela's last. She's composed, but I think she looks at her notes too much. Apparently, I know nothing because she gets a standing ovation as well. Mary Alice yells, "Go home, you conceited beyotch!" over the crowd. Oh, wait - that was me again. Fine, I will concede that Angela did a competent job. But that's all I will say.
The "models" walk out for judging. Or, as I like to call it, Tales of Obviousness! Mary Alice expected much better from Aussie Rachael. She doesn't know how to work a long dress. Andre was nervous and just stopped. They both had the Edge and they both sucked. Mary Alice tells Brett he said the f-word, which he didn't realize. Brett interviews that he blames the moving platform.
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Comments (7)
lol at eyeball model!
1 of 7 | Posted by amchess | Posted on December 5, 2007 5:13 AM
Thanks for the shoutout Hypnotoad!! You know I know ALL about the State Fair, and let me say that I absolutely love it because the cream of the Kansas crop come out for it every year. Love it!
Now on with the show! I really have nothing more to contribute because your recap was a)hilarious and b)exactly my thoughts put into your words. Perfect. Although I was kind of with VJ on the whole calling his friend thing. Yeah it was a little shiesty, but that's how VJ roles! Plus his fish comment absolutely killed me. I was kind of sad to see Brett and his teeth go, but then I remembered that he'd started to irritate me in recent weeks.
Loved the recap!
2 of 7 | Posted by lalia | Posted on December 5, 2007 10:15 AM
Maybe I'm a little naive in saying this, but doesn't anyone else get the feeling this show is completely rigged. VJ wins an Edge challenge, and gets to decide how long everyone will have for a photoshoot and the order for picking animals, meaning Daniel gets 30 seconds and the hardest animal. Essentially, VJ got to pick someone to go home when he won the edge challenge. Andre and Rachael win the Edge Challenge and they get a brochure and a ride in a car.
3 of 7 | Posted by Alafoss5 | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:31 PM
Another cheer for Kansas! Woo! Lalia, Hypnotoad, if you have never enjoyed the greatness that is Little Balkans Days in Pittsburg (where I am now), then please... just use your imagination.
As for AMSM, I loved the rise and fall of one of the least productive alliances ever, the Alliance of Delusion. Seriously, since they decided to join forces, three of their members have been voted out in a row. Well done, alliance. The surprise is that Andre has become amusing. I laughed when he shouted "Soviet!" as he crossed the finish line. I don't like VJ's arrogance or Angela's... existence. I don't particularly care if any of these three win, but I think I'll root for the Soviet, since he's actually become cheery lately rather than overbearing like the beginning of the season.
And as for rigged... I don't know. I do find VJ as very skeezy and skirting the edge of the rulebook, and when people call him out on it, they get portrayed as whiners. It seems like VJ is like the football player who elbows and trips people when the refs aren't looking.
4 of 7 | Posted by MidwestNomad | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:36 PM
These recaps are the only reason I bother watching the show anymore...hilarious. Consistently.
What art school? I'm going to hit some up after national portfolio day in NOLA...not that I can afford it.
5 of 7 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on December 5, 2007 9:46 PM
Little Balkan Days? Hee. Ah, Kansas. I actually miss it. Well, sometimes.
Thanks for the compliment, dangerdarling. I go to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. It's freaking expensive and sort of pretentious. We got free cookies today though.
Wasn't there a topic I was supposed to talk about . . . oh yeah. The show. I don't think it's rigged, exactly. But this Edge prize was pretty lame. I mean, if they were all going to go to that Jag briefing in the first place, then how much could a brochure help them out? This is, quite literally perhaps, the first reality show that I've ever watched in which I haven't been cheering for one person to win the whole season. People are either completely devoid of personality (Aussie Rachael), or have too much of one (Andre). It's an odd show, this one. I'm so ready to recap the finale! As Ben Stein would say, I'm gonna burn that mother DOWN!
6 of 7 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on December 6, 2007 5:15 PM
Yeah...i think this show is total bullshit. None of them are REALLY model material. And the challenges are a joke.
But it makes for good recaps, I guess.
7 of 7 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on December 6, 2007 10:31 PM