Toss a coin. I'd do em both.
I'd like to start out by thanking both VH1 and iTunes for not making the damn season finale available for download until almost a fucking week after it originally aired. That's so cool and professional. And completely reasonable, given the ridiculous price I paid for 11 episodes. So, my apologies to you - the loyal reader(s). Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to Flipit for holding my virtual hand throughout the whole ordeal this week. I freaked out in email form many a time, and he was awesome about all of it. Thanks, man. If I ever meet you in person, I'll buy you a moderately priced bottle of domestic beer. Maybe two if they're on special. Anyway, we've had enough of a delay, haven't we? On with the awesome craptasia that is America's Most Smartest Model!
Previously, 3 remained and Angela was sent home because she was a bitchy attention-whore and possibly a pathological liar. What will I do without her? Enjoy life, that's what. Thank god Andre's still on the show. I think they kept him just so I'd have someone to make fun of. Because I'm totally positive that Mary Alice, Ben Stein, and all the "models" read my recaps religiously. So it's down to Andre and VJ, and my money's on VJ. It's not the only thing of mine I wish was on VJ, either. Oh yes - I went there.
There's a recap/flashback of the whole season, focusing on Andre and VJ. Trust me, it's nothing you haven't seen or read about. Bor-ing! I waited almost a week for this? Sheesh. Credits! Last time I'll see this weirdness. House. Morning. The presentation ladies are still helping VJ and Andre with their multimedia presentations on why they should be America's Most blah blah blah. The woman helping Andre, Kathy, sort of looks like Helen Mirren.
Eh, what's one more Queen?
The woman helping VJ asks him some probing questions. These questions are an excuse for us to flashback to previous episodes. Like the time VJ won a challenge and got to choose photo shoot durations for the barnyard shoot. He gave Daniel the shortest time available. The flashback is grainy and poorly lit, and it gives it a 70s kind of look, only reinforced by Daniel's hairstyle. They discuss VJ's success in the show. Flashback to the Jag challenge. VJ is nervous and excited. Me too, VJ -- be gentle with me. Oh, sorry. I got kind of caught up in my own thing there.
Andre flashes back to last week when Ben gave him the Sony Ericsson Z50 Mobile Phone. Now, last time we were left with a cliffhanger: Who does Andre call? His mother? His voicemail? His sexual assault lawyer? No. He calls Pickel to ask him to basically create his entire presentation for him. Pickel, in interview, looks less attractive than I remember. Pickel talks about Andre being a jerk that turned into a friend. Aw, that's sweet and stupid. Pickel says that he'd be glad to do the presentation, because he'd rather Andre win than VJ. Flashback to Pickel having an ADHD freak out session in front of Mary Alice and Ben Stein. And so, VH1 will bring Pickel back. Again. I guess he's become popular. Like Steve Urkel. Andre laughs a truly evil laugh and goes back inside.
Flavor of Urkel
Andre tells Kathy that someone else will give the presentation. Kathy likes the idea, probably because she already hates Andre. Andre is arrogant and confident in an interview, all "VJ's gonna be schooled." Um . . . sure. By Pickel. Yeah, I'll buy it. Except not really, because Pickel's a spaz who was kicked off the show like 4 episodes ago. VJ's gal says that they have a great presentation. Her name is Sally, which doesn't really matter now because we'll never see her again. VJ will stay up all night to make a great presentation if he has to! But he is interrupted by Claudia Wells, a stylist or something. VH1 places this "fun fact" on the screen: "Claudia Wells played Michael J. Fox's girlfriend in the original Back to the Future." What is this - Pop-Up Video? Yeah, VH1? 1998 called and said that the two of you should see other people. You can still be friends, though.
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Comments (9)
I'm in South Africa at the mo, and missed the endings to all my fave low down ho down shows; Tila, I Love NY 2, ANTM and of course Most Smartest Model-your recap was hilarious actually making me laugh out loud (rare but true) Thanks for filling me in on this cultural classic. (Though I think VJ is a stinky shmuck)
1 of 9 | Posted by nobigdealiguess | Posted on December 23, 2007 8:27 AM
i'm only on page one of your recap, but i'm loving the word "craptasia" enough to buy you a moderately priced domestic beer if you're ever in cleveland.
two if it's ladies night.
and if you do decide to put something on vj, it's entirely possible that you'll run into mine while there. just push me out of the way and we'll share. though vj comes across as about 5'4" on screen, i'm guessing there's more than enough man to go around.
2 of 9 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on December 23, 2007 3:16 PM
....great job recapping an awesome show.... the Soviet was robbed cuz VJ's a cheater.... look forward to future recaps from you....
3 of 9 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on December 23, 2007 3:33 PM
Thanks, everyone! I am SO sorry it took so long to recap it. Everyone can write nasty letters to iTunes and/or VH1 if you want. ;)
I had a freakin' blast doing this show, and hopefully I'll be back for (I cannot believe these words are coming out of my mouth) Season 2. *shudder*
VJ may be a bit unscrupulous, but I'm going to forgive him because . . . damn. Hotter than a habenero.
4 of 9 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on December 23, 2007 6:00 PM
A second season? Oh no, I don't think I can stomach hearing the bad grammar of "most smartest" anymore ... but I'm SO looking forward to the recaps ...
thanks hypnotoad, you've been hilarious :)
5 of 9 | Posted by chelle | Posted on December 24, 2007 9:34 AM
Two things really bugged me: First, VJ attacking Andre's move to bring in Pickel. This was Andre using the resources he had available to think outside the box, just like VJ did so often. Sure, he couldn't win on his own, but he used his advantage (the cell phone). I think Andre could have made a compelling argument had he noted the hypocrisy there, that if VJ does something outside the box, it's strategy. But if Andre does something outside the box, it's "almost cowardly." VJ can't criticize Andre's actions if he wants his own somewhat questionable ones to hold up. Then again, Andre's not smart enough to connect the dots there.
The other thing? Most smartest. Gah. Makes me hate VH1 for pushing that combination on the world.
6 of 9 | Posted by MidwestNomad | Posted on December 24, 2007 9:56 AM
This was a week of disappointing finales for me. I wanted Andre, Buddha and Dani to win...0 for 3
7 of 9 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on December 24, 2007 11:13 PM
I think VJ could have walked out and sung off key Christmas caroles and still won, since the winner was slated to model for VO5 hair products. How could they do THAT with Andre... slug a Russian bear rug on his smug "Soviet" mug? Fa la la la la, la la la la! (Ouch! I'm sorry!)
8 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 27, 2007 3:18 PM
Ugh! I think Mary Alice has the hots for VJ and that's why he won....then again, maybe I'm just bitter because all of my reality shows have turned on me and none of my picks won! And that's all I've got right now since the big wigs won't nut up & pay the damn writers!
I totally agree with MidwestNomad though...if only Andre could have made that connection.
9 of 9 | Posted by smolls | Posted on December 28, 2007 11:11 AM