Testimonials

VJ interviews that it was very sneaky of Andre and he applauds him. Pickel tells the judges he'll show them Andre through his eyes. He goes on to talk about Andre's life in Russia. Looks like Andre had it so hard, what with his dad being a criminal lawyer and his mom working for the UN. I bet he never even had to work at Pizza Hut in high school like I did. Try making a freaking Bigfoot pizza, Andre, and THEN we'll talk hardships, my comrade.

Andre had been to 20 different countries by the time he was 18. Andre "speaks 5 languages" and was a "forensics psychology major, minored in criminal justice." Um, okay. VJ says from behind stage, "Didn't graduate." Ha. I really hate Andre even more than usual now. He's put up this whole "Soviets are built tough because they work tough" persona throughout the whole show and, turns out? He's a fucking trust fund Euro-trash asshole who's never had to work a day in his life. I mean, probably.

Get me a Kleenex. I want to wad it up into tiny balls and spit it all over that screen.

VJ complains that Andre isn't doing anything but standing there while Pickel gives the presentation. I'm torn between my pseudo-love for VJ and the fact that Andre is serving VJ up some sweet justice for all the sneakiness he pulled earlier. But since VJ is the least assiest of the two, I'll go with him. Oooh! Pickel says Andre has worked with Nigel Barker! He's on that other, more successful, and marginally more legitimate modeling show, America's Next Top Model! He's also kinda dreamy, but only because the other guys on the show are kind of weird (Ms. Jay) or so horribly over-tanned and dyed that they have become mere shadows of whom they once were. Mr. Jay Manuel, I am speaking to you. Orange is not a natural body color.

Pickel interviews that he's long-winded, and then we see him listing all the clothing lines and companies Andre has "worked with." Hang on. I need to grab a 3-gallon trash can to pick up all the names that Pickel's dropped. There we go. Pickel talks about Andre's photo shoots and how great they are. He's about to wrap things up when Andre says he can take it from here. Finally! Someone embarrassing themselves in front of the judges!

Andre says that he's heard Mary Alice say many times that "it's not about whether you're gay, black, white, or you're fat --" (Jesse, watching this show on his couch, looks up from his giant bag of Cheetos, hands and mouth encrusted in orange dust, and says, "Who you callin' fat, bitch?!") " - those things can change." Oh, Andre. Mary Alice's face is all, "What the hell did you just say that I said, you Commie bastard?!" Since this is probably the only interesting moment in the show, and therefore the best moment, VH1 shows us Andre saying "those things can change" 3 times. And in case you didn't catch it the first 4 times, VH1 plays it in slow-mo for us. We get it. Andre's an idiot.

Where's Andre?

VJ interviews that he's pretty sure that "if you're gay, it's your way of life, and if you're black, it's not your choice." I'm pretty sure that I'm gay whenever I look at VJ. It's just my way of life. Then Andre verbally bashes VJ for being sneaky. VJ retains his cocky demeanor backstage, but tells Andre that he tips his hat to him for being a sneaky bastard when Andre joins him afterwards.

Professor Rocket Scientist - who I am pleased to say has one of those Mel Brooks-ish accents that I find so endearing - says that VJ was very personable, motivated, and believable. Mr. Psychologist/Writer/Investment Banker says that he liked the dog metaphor. He looks like he likes dogs. I bet he has a cocker spaniel. Maybe a beagle.

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Posted in America's Most Smartest Model by Hypnotoad at 12:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: smolls on Dec 28, 2007 11:11 AM.