[Guest writer: JadedBitch.]
Girls jumping around on their beds wearing nothing but skimpy tank tops and panties? It's Girls Gone Wild! No, actually it's just the opening scene for America's Next Top Model, cause you know, that's what all supermodels like to do with one another. We then zoom in on Cassie, who is busy doing pilates in her thong. Why, that's exactly what I wear when I do my leg circles! I just find it brings that much more freedom to the workout!
If anyone was wondering what book Tocarra was reading, it was Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha. I could tell by the blurred out cover. Though, later on in the episode, she apparently has finished with that novel and moved herself onto something else which I did not recognize. What a quick reader, that one! I guess when you're a plus-size, you don't exactly feel like bouncing around on beds or doing "The Hundred" in your gaunch.
The girls whined about being fat as they re-enacted last week's trampoline photo shoot on their mattresses. "I have some pudge!" one squealed as she swung her pillow at another. Then Rizzo came in wearing a wig and made fun of Sandra Dee. Actually, it was just Norelle, and she wasn't wearing a wig, but she did demonstrate her lyrical gansta skillz when she said, "I'd like to be more abby, right now I'm still a bit flabby." This was followed by a "Yo, 'sup dawg?" nod to the camera as she shoved her hands into her armpits and yelled, "Boyyyyyyeeee!" Wow, who woulda thought that after the braces come off, out comes da rhymez!
The next morning, Yaya answered the phone only to be greeted by what seemed to be a recorded Tyra message. "Hi, it's Tyra! I need you all to meet me in twenty minutes. Dress like you're going to panel and bring comfortable shoes! Seeya!" I mean, it must've been a recording cause who calls people and just starts jabbering away at them like that? I thought she was going to tell Yaya her library book was overdue or offer her a new long distance package.
When everyone congregated in front of Miss Tyra, they found it was time for their "Go Sees" which some of you may remember from previous seasons means they have to go to a bunch of designers and try to sell themselves while resisting the temptation to cry as they get judged on their walk, personality, and looks. The person who scored the highest would win a rack of clothes from one of the designers.
She-Man Ann (see, I'm a lyrical gansta too, Norelle! Boyyyyeeee!!) pleaded her case to the camera by saying that she was prettier in person than in photos. Sure, Ann, that's what they all say. In fact, I'm actually prettier with your eyes closed.
The first stop was designer Nicole Miller, who was looking for a Miller Girl. This sounded like a bad beer commercial, didn't it? Did she not realize that the Miller Girl label was already taken by some sorority originated by the brewing house?
Norelle joined the ranks of She-Man Ann when she said that she was "so retarded." Somewhere on his sofa, Big Brother 2's Bunky zapped off his TV. (For the record, I'm with Bunky on this one. I hate the word and don't ever use it. Except of course, when writing this recap for TVGasm.) Wow, so that now makes two mentally challenged models (that we know of)! And here we thought Amanda the Blind Chick had it hard. Norelle, I think you proved your "retardedness" when you tried to rap earlier on. Or maybe it was when you bailed on the runway during the Heatherettes fashion show. Either way, what I'm trying to say is: we know.
In other news, Amanda the Blind Chick forgot her shoes. Did she not listen to the Tyra recorded message? Bring comfortable shoes! Everyone else slipped on their model-esque flats, while Amanda slummed in her Converse sneakers. "I thought she meant comfortable! Oh that's right, I'm a model. Comfortable equals flats. DUH! I'm so retarded!" Now where is Star Jones when you need her? Instead, Amanda decided to go shoe shopping, accompanied by Ann, Eva, Tocarra, and Cassie, all of whom could not resist the lure of a shoe store. Even though they only had 15 minutes to get to their next appointment and their "careers" were on the line here, shoe shopping seemed much more important. Priorities!
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Comments (16)
I love gangsta Norelle. Very funny.
Flava FLAV!
1 of 16 | Posted by b-side | Posted on November 4, 2004 5:40 PM
Well yeah, ok, so the fashion industry doesnt cater to plus size women, but if they were preparing for a tv show, they KNEW they would have one there and could have cobbled together something or another rather than make their label look assy and unprofessional on national tv. Sheesh.
I was kinda diggin' Norelle's goofiness here, but that bit with Ann was a bit...fucked up.
And for some reason, Jay Manuel's drag pic reminds me of the Joan Van Ark pix on www.awfulplasticsurgery.com. Seriously.
2 of 16 | Posted by danya | Posted on November 4, 2004 8:57 PM
Oh, and damn!
How could you not mention the Tyra/Janice catfight. That rocked my socks! I wanted them to get to the fists but hell...prolly both worried about rupturing various plastic fleshbags of silicon. :(
3 of 16 | Posted by danya | Posted on November 4, 2004 8:59 PM
totally agree with dayna~ wish u would've covered the janice/tyra catfight.
loved the recap..again!
jadedbitch, u got it going on!
who do i have 2 call, go c, r email 2 make this ur permanet spot?
4 of 16 | Posted by chica_fabulous | Posted on November 5, 2004 8:05 AM
Loved the recap once again.
I say JadedBitch is a keeper!
5 of 16 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on November 5, 2004 9:39 AM
*blush*
sorry about not doing the cat fight. there was just something... je ne sais quoi about the whole thing...
6 of 16 | Posted by jaded | Posted on November 5, 2004 10:18 AM
I thought Tyra was going to deflate Janice's collagen enhanced face before the night was out. The producers should have shown the post eviction ineteraction between Tyra and Janice. That's what I want to see.
And who knew there was soooo much lesbian relations going on in the modeling world? That hot tub scene with the girls clawing at each other's panties was Hot Hot Hot! Eva and Ann need to break the ice and let their lust for each other take over. Between ANTM and Survivor's lesbian enhanced episodes I am very much in heaven.
7 of 16 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on November 5, 2004 10:30 AM
JadedBitch, you're hired!
8 of 16 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on November 5, 2004 10:31 AM
Jadedbitch, I do love your style. "Miss Tyra" Who is she kidding? She is 31 years old. I don't even allow children to call me "Miss." Well, not nice children.
9 of 16 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on November 5, 2004 7:51 PM
For the record, Tyra's boobs are real.
And I love Tacarra! If most women in this country is overweight, why isn't a model? Skinny bitches!
10 of 16 | Posted by Sasha | Posted on November 6, 2004 9:50 PM
Good recap JB.
Tyra's titties are saggy sacs regardless of silicone...and that five head of hers.
Dickerson is being propped up by the deceased Waylon Flowers.
man, I love this show. i agree with the others in the fact that they should have told the clothiers that there would be a large Marge in their midst. i dig tocarra so much, she has won every veiwer contest so far.
I absolutely abhor Amanda Charles Wonder. She is so freaking greedy...please tell me someone else has noticed the daggers in her scratched cornea's? My pick for the winner is either Ya Ya (which is very common in S.Africa!) or Ann, who looked smoking in that painted on latex Motorcycle jacket.
11 of 16 | Posted by mick | Posted on November 8, 2004 2:34 AM
I was so mad about the Tocarra thing. The same stylist is there every week. Did she just notice that Tocarra isn't a size 2? I couldn't believe when she said "Do you think I could get a whole rack in your size?" Um, yeah, I do. I'm just curious if anyone ever said that to Star Jones or some other equally large je n'ais se quoi. And then she literally stabs her in the back. I would fire that witch, she sucks.
I think Tocarra is the most beautiful girl there, but I do think she needs to get a breast reduction and she could easily be a huge top model.
I think the silent red head is really pretty too, I'm not sure who is going to win. I don't think Yaya is that great. I liked last year's group better.
12 of 16 | Posted by smithie | Posted on November 8, 2004 2:27 PM
Mick -
You're right! Put a sparkly turban on Janice D. and you have Madame.
Too funny!
13 of 16 | Posted by Caroline | Posted on November 10, 2004 6:43 AM
Tocarra should've WON!!! I ahve a fanclub for her if anyone wants to still support her and see some photos of her as well stop by!
14 of 16 | Posted by Edward | Posted on November 10, 2004 7:54 PM
STOP BY AND SUPPORT TOCARRA!!! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Toccara04/
15 of 16 | Posted by Edward | Posted on November 10, 2004 7:57 PM
tacarra should still be on the show,eva better win and ya ya take yo sadity ass home!
16 of 16 | Posted by rekia | Posted on November 18, 2004 2:48 PM