J-Mo;

Thanks for doing such a fine job recapping this train wreck of an episode.

I totally lost it on the "... Cactus Pen pose..." caption! Hil-freakin'-larious! And she looked just like a Saguaro, for sure.

Great job wading through all the crap and giving us the best parts of the show.

"Pull my buttons" may become one of my new catch phrases!

Lots O' Love

I hope they do an entire season of ANTM in Vegas so I can stalk whatever ridiculous vehicle they are transported in and take pics and video with my phone (and probably lose my job and possibly be arrested). They could pose on top of the Welcome to Las Vegas sign, the nude shoot could involve feathered head dresses, and Tyra can be Lady Luck. This needs to happen.

And I thought the shots were elongated too, I was watching an internet clip, so I thought maybe the sizing was off, but I bet Tyra has it in her contract.

creepy eyes is pretty internet famous, you should look up her pictures. they're kind of really scary.

Oh J-Mo, I was sad that Hoolia has departed, but you are an excellent recapper!

I love you forever because you use the word "ridonk" which is something that I say ALL.THE.TIME. We're clearly soulmates, I just know it.

I am really liking Kortnie thus far, she seems to least bitchy and most real to me. Also, Celia and Aminat and Tahlia.

We'll see how it pans out. Frankly, I'm most excited for the makeovers!

YAY J-Mo!!! I'm so happy you're recapping this show this year!! :)

Well, I am honored to be one of only six heterosexual guys in the world to watch this show. I always knew I'd amount to something, no matter what 'they' said.

And guess what? I really like the crazy eyes chick, she's going to be this season's dark horse, you'll see.

At least I remember her. I've already forgotten pretty much all of the others. I like the Fo girl though.

I liked the racecar chick more back when she was still driving stick -- now she just looks sloppy. Especially in the bikini. But at least she's not an emaciated skeleton.

I have to say, I think the prettiest (face) of them all is the jesus freak idiot, but there's not way I can get behind her.

I mean, I totally support people's right to worship whatever far-fetched superstition they wish in private.

But I object to public displays of religiosity--she might as well be wearing a sign reading "Kick me I'm an idiot". I object to the willful and prideful embrace of ignorance. And I object to this all the more because of the political mayhem such religidiocy inflicts on the world.

I can only assume (given her very unmodel-like, although quite womanly figure) that she's been placed there for 'drama'. Well, I hope she does indeed make a complete idiot out of herself (especially since, presumably, this kind of religidiot tends to be of the homophobic-you're-going-to-hell variety. Bet that's going to go down well with the Jays).

J-Mo I'm so glad you're recapping this. What a hoot. I totally luv Jay's hair. My great Aunt Goldie used to use the exact same lavender rinse, he just needs some rhinestone earrings and a leopard skin hat!

Hugs,
Yenta

Happy Day! J-Mo and ANTM! A snarky match made in heaven.

Ok... being a NASCAR fan and actually knowing Kortnie from 2004, when she was dating Dale Jr. has completely made this season for me. Dale Jr. was so into her when he met her at the track, he had one of his crew go get her and ask her out for him. LOL!

That said, I love Anime eyes and Queenie is definitely working my last nerve. Here's hoping this season is better than the last 3!! With J-Mo, all is right. :)

This recap was hilarious!!! Great job!
I was wondering what happened to Hoolia. I thought she must have just been recapping shows I didn't watch. I'm so sad that she's no longer doing this. I really enjoyed her work. All the best to her though.

Question: When Tyra came out in the beginning as the Goddess of Fierce, why was her crown tilted? Was it supposed to be that way??? It bugged me.

Sorry for the multiple posts. Last comment. Why isn't Tahlia being marketed as another Plus-sized model? I know she's the public service announcement for burn victims, but she's kinda thick as well....Can't she be both?

I just peed the sheets and I haven't even started to read the recap. Attention J-Mo you have a stalker. Oh what pennies from heaven this is-- my most favorite show recapped by my most favorite recapper. What more could a girl want? Thanks for making my day with the flu better. I should have out grown this show by now, but it is so good. and I love that Logo is always having marathons of it.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! J-Mo is recapping a train wreck that I actually watch! And how fitting that it would be something that seems to be paying homage to drag queens with every other photo shoot and with every single Krazy Tyra appearance. Dang, the girl with the funniest transcribable accent got booted out. Boo. The world conspires against my enjoyment of your wacky accents. Oh, for another season of SG and lovely Wenay. Lastly, I already loved you, but standing up for good grammar? Bravísimo!

OH MY GOD! lol that is the best recap ive read.. so funny
and you translated their speech sooo well, i was having soo much fun trying to talk like that.
lol
so good!lol thanks alot.

i hope you keep recapping it, because that was great!

When Tyra told that perky girl that she wanted to buy, "Model fierce corn flakes" from her I had to rewind my DVR because my roommate and I both heard, "Model fierce porn flicks."

I usually hate the overly sobby girls, but I can't help but love Fo. She's just so damn cute. Most of the rest of them are kinda boring... Sandra will get to stick around for a while no matter how much she sucks because she's all the drama that house has.

I really wish the creepy anime girl would stop staring directly into the camera. I feel vaguely eye-raped every time she does it.

J-Mo, those pix of Anime Eyes are creepy as hell. I hope she randomly sits next to the girls while they are sleeping so that the first things they see when they wake up are her creepy ass eyes.

Obviously I hope the cameras are running also as all that happens. :) I really need help.

SWAK, PottyMouth

J-Mo: Loved the recap! Thought you were spot-on for Hoodie. Poor thing reminded me a bit of Isis from last cycle, w/o the interesting boy-parts and class. I'll miss the dramedy of having Hoodie go through, but, Lord, she managed to throw in every Jerry-Springer-loves-me-worthy hard knock story at us all in one show. I felt irritated by her stories -- I blame Danny Gokey Desensitization.
Speaking of "Lord," London the JesusFreak is going to kill me this cycle; either that or I am going to break my TV having thrown remote through the screen. JC has a lot better things to do than pay attention to you, girlie, what w/ all the Middle East bombings, starving children, floods/natural disasters, total lack of world peace, etc. Eat a celery stick and reflect on your ability to be able to eat when others are not so fortunate.
Sandra the Queen: Get over yourself. You look like Alek Wek homely younger sister. You know Alek? The Sudanese model who is just as dark as you if not darker? She's been on the scene for years, and recently rocked the all-black Italian Vogue shoot a few months back that caused such a furor. You don't get to be a bitch-diva until you get your first couple of covers and campaigns. Ugh.
Ty-Ty looks to be campaigning for saving the freaks rather than putting up viable models this season. Anime Eyes scares the bejesus out of me, but tell London to back off.

Yay J-mo, but a big ole Hootie Hoo for Hoolia . . . we've had so many cycles together!!! I feel like i'm cheating . . .

Good call on Alek Wek, Jennaboa, but, dare I say, Sandra is a prettier version, in fact, until her bitchy personality sucks all the beauty out of her, she is clearly the one to beat!! Not sure anyone else has the whole package like she does, but she still might suck . . . we'll see.

I'm not one for zealots, but I like London, she's chipper. I like Fo ho too,
and Portly--J-mo, you have such a gift for naming and nick naming, makes the early epi s so much easier to follow!!! So far her pictures don't look too busty, but my lord, thems some mammaries . . .

Anime eyes has a bright future ahead, where was she when they were casting SpeedRacer . . . I could see her doing a lot, I'm just not sure it would be fashion modeling, per se, but I look forward to more pictures.

And J-mo, that thing about the hands in the faces, Tooo funnny!!!!! It was a very odd thing, and frankly, Mz. Queen is just as blameworthy as our port athority bunker . . . I'm just sayin'--ewww, sleeping in a stall . . . ewwww.

Itchy, I knew you'd come to claim your title as one of the six!

Oh, and Thalia--can't wait to hear her knickname . . . I dare ya . . . anyhoo, sadly, her story has holes and I'm suspicious of some kind of abuse . . . who knows, but 8 months and grabbing wires, and enough strength to pull a coffee pot over . . . whatta you guys think? Anyhoo, she should know that modeling, particularly runway, is to show off the clothes and anything distracting about the model, even tatoos, would take away from the focus. Gorgeous face, but she did look hippy on the runway . . . we'll see what happens . . .

Whoo, awesome recap! The "don't take it personal" thing always annoys me too, and for the same reasons.

Am I the only one who thought Monique looked scarily similar to Meredith Baxter Birney?

Heyyy, you guys are so wonderful, making me feel right at home here!

arizonatom... so glad you liked the cactus-pen pose and the thought of having your buttons pulled. xoxo :)

vegasdarling... so sorry but this was the only episode in Vegas for this season, they're moving to New York City for the rest of it. I'm glad it wasn't just me who noticed the screen-stretching, too! xoxo :)

whitney... thanks for the tip, I appreciate it, and you're right, I found some even creepier pictures of Anime-Eyes that you may see worked into future episode recaps! xoxo :)

georgiababe... awww, thank you so much! I know Hoolia did an awesome job with last season, and while I can't really replace her, I will do my best to succeed her. And I would agree that we're soulmates if you like riDick as much as I do, LOL! xoxo :)

here4beer... shucks, thank you girlfriend, I'm happy to be here, too! xoxo :)

itchy... as always, I value your unique point of view, and I'm glad you're joining us for the ride! xoxo :)

Yentapatrol... LOL, OMG, I forgot about all the Sun City Ladies Who Lunch who have their hair dyed all those weird nuclear tinted colors! But your description of the rhinestone earrings and leopard-skin hat just sent me over. the. fucking. edge! ROTFLMAO! xoxo :)

BugMom22... You are too sweet, thank you so much, I'm happy to be recapping a show that people actually WATCH for a change! So you know Kortnie? Please tell her that if she reads these recaps, I only call her "Portlie" with love, she's not fat, and I actually like her better than eleven-twelfths of the other girls. xoxo :)

Thatswhatshesaid... I agree with you, Ty-Ty's crown in the beginning was TOTALLY crooked, but perhaps there's just too much crazy shooting out of her head to keep it battened down with a mere crown. I also agree with you that Tahlia appears to have some extra meat on her bones as well, but apparently not enough to qualify for "plus-size"! xoxo :)

areyoucliff... your poor sheets! So sorry to hear you're battling the flu, and I'm happy I could help you pass the time while waiting to get well! xoxo :)

sayhuh... LOL, welcome back (and BTW, Shear Genius has been picked up for a third season, so Wenay wiww be baaaack!) and I'm also sad 'Hood Rat is gone, she was awesome at murdering English! xoxo :)

loopygorilla... gosh, thanks, that's a huge compliment (although if you like MY recaps, you'll LOVE Flipit's) and yes, I am the full-time recapper for Cycle 12. xoxo :)

Themiki... BWAHAHAHAHAHA! "Model fierce porn flicks!" LOVE IT! We'll have to start an Eye-Raped Victims Support Group together. xoxo :)

Pottymouth... if you thought it was bad in THIS episode, wait till you see what I did in the next recap that's about to go up, *giggle*. Mwuhahahaha! xoxo :)

jennaboa... I'm right there with you on the Danny-Gokey-ization of Reailty TV. Isn't the world in bad enough shape without everybody chucking their dead relatives out for us all to cry over? I like my reality TV to be an ESCAPE, not a depressing reminder of REAL life. Testify! xoxo :)

juddfan... LOL, you're not cheating on Hoolia, it's strictly a case of "Love The One You're With", K? I wish I could have come up with a better nickname for Tahlia (and privately in my house I did but it's completely inappropriate for publication)... I just can't go there with her, she's already going to have a rough time even getting BY in this competition, I don't want to add to that. Just know in your heart that I did come up with something better than "Homegirl" and we'll leave it at that.

grannyapple... you know, now that you mention it, Monique kinda does! I wonder if that's why I suddenly started hearing "♪What would we doooo bay-baayyyyy without uuuuus? ♪ What would we doooo bay-baayyyyy without uuuuus? ♪ Sha-la-la-laaaaaa!" xoxo :)

Thanks you guys, and a new recap is just around the corner, I promise there's lots of good stuff in there, K? Love all your comments!

love, J-Mo :)

Okay, I'm obviously late reading this but...

Brilliant recap!

I love Hoolia but this was pretty sick.

To the person who said Tahlia should be a plus size cuz she's "pretty thick", I disagree. She looks thick compared to these underfed models. Tahlia is probably above 5'8 and 125-130. Since they spend most of the time nearly naked, I'd rather see women look like her than Ms. Conspiracy Theorist.

My favs so far are:
Fo (sweet, pretty, undiva-ish, probably gonna make boring TV tho)
Tahlia (she's not gonna win but she's gorgeous)
Aminat looks the most like a model out of all of these girls. If she can walk/pose, she's in.
Jessica has a really beautiful, versatile face.

Who I'm not feelin:
Celia needs to go. She's fugly and annoying.
WindTunnel Face (not cute and not even model cute)
Creepy Eyes is this season's awkward chick.
Sandra - I can't wait for the day when Tyra cuts her Ego to shreds at her first Bottom 2 elimination.

I can't remember anyone else.