I think Queen Sandra fits the definition of 'twunt' to the 'T' (as it were). My thanks to Twunty McSlore for introducing this word to my vocabulary. I try to use it at least once a day.

How about we play a game, and countdown the Seven Deadly Sins list for Jesus Freak-- bet she covers them all before the season's done! I love it when these religious hypocrites confirm my scorn and hatred for them!

I'm betting Jesus Freak's the one who's going to go head to head with Queen Twuntdra (sorry, couldn't resist). After all, the last time we had a jesus freak in the White House, he started two fucking wars.

It's just a shame JF's so damn pretty...I suppose I could make some comment about wanting to bang the bejesus out of her...but that's not really my style. I'm more of the romantic type. Which brings me to...

Anime eyes. Face it, she's going to win the show. She'll make it to the finals at least. Funny how most of my girlfriends back in the day looked like her. But I ended up marrying a sane woman anyway. Still, I think the goofy bit is all an act (she's been doing this for years I gather) and I bet she reaches the finals. Yes, yes, I'm in reality tv lurve. Happens on most every show....

I definitely thought Teyomboy was post-op. Her hands are bigger than mine.

FIERCE! lol, j-MO that was sooo quick, omg that is committment right there!

hahaha i laughed again, soo funny
america's next top elevator ride
and your prayer.
"gaymen" lol
classic.
lol
BUT you know, i miss angelae already.... i miss that hood rat talk, and you transcribed it so well.
sigh...
and omg gay-jay on a bike, i paused that scene and saw his junk in lycra, not bad at all... i see lots of guys in lycra, and jay is definately packing something nice!
and as for nigel... MEH... i dont see anything, seriously
and paulina just bores me
and what was miss J doing wiping her mouth like she just finished her shiff at the gloryhole.

Hay itchy...
for a str8 guy not only do you sound really into this show! lol but sounds likes your serious about it too!

well since we are the only two commenting, welcoming to a gay dudes world of watching trashing tyra tv.

but you know it would be interesting to see how you critique the photo shoots from a str8 guys perspective. lol

ive never met a str8 guy who watches this show!...lol

i should get out more.

and by the way J-MO, i just read your response from the first recap.. you're welcome! i should be thanking you for making me laugh so much.

J-Mo - so glad that it was you that I passed the torch to! Best o' luck with this train wreck... I think these recaps NEED someone to breathe fresh air into them from time to time and you're just the recapper to do it!

Love and Kisses,
Hoolia

Umm... Is it more embarrassing to be a straight man obsessed with this show, or a great big lesbian obsessed with this show? Whatever... I'm sure there are more embarrassing facets of my personality than my love for ANTM.

Best line of the recap:
"blah blah bitchety blah Top Model!"
That's all I'm gonna hear anytime someone talks on this show now. And when Jay came out in what was clearly a Tron outfit and all the girls started calling him Robocop I started to feel really old for knowing what Tron was. Then I remembered that these girls were stupid, and I felt better.

J-Mo I LOVE your recaps!! You're the best!! You had me laughing all the way through this thing. Love the nicknames you have for all the girls too.

NO WAY was the big eye girl's photo the best. Come to think of it, there WASN'T a best photo!!

I also noticed Sandra "stumble" before she hightailed back behind the curtain.

Regarding seizures, perhaps the producers felt they might have had some legal ramications had something happened on the runway caused by their strobe lights.

I like the big eye blood lovin girl. I think she is really pretty. I agree that she will go far this season.

Queenie just irritates me like crazy. Remember the african girl that was on a few seasons ago that acted nice for a few episodes before showing her raging-bitch personality which got her a lot more airtime (before getting the boot). Maybe this one thinks that by bringing the bitch right away, she will be more famous. Gawd, I hope so because otherwise, that is her actual personality which means she should probably be sterilized before she procreates. :p

You bet your sweet ass that I would be crying the entire way up the the Empire State building. Well not in the elevator, but when they had to step out on the roof of the building. I remember having to go out on the deck of an air craft carrier when I was younger and I just froze in place unable to move away from the side. So have a heart on that poor girl- but you are right she is going to be the one who takes the killer shot, but cries the entire time while being suspended in the air. Bitches.

And I love Anime Eyes- I think her big old peepers are beautiful. But then again I have always had a thing for flounders. I do hope she takes the whole shebang.

I would rather that Queenie is not long for this world, but you know that she is going to be around until they travel and then will be the first one cut once they get aboard. Her kid and play hair needs a make over.

Oh I feel no shame at all for liking to watch this show. Hell, I even watch Project Runway now that I've discovered Tvgasm :-D

I mean, shouldn't it be normal that a straight guy (and a lesbian) enjoy watching young, pretty(ish) women parade across the screen?

The thing I never understood is how all those straight guys get off on watching athletes get all sweaty together.

You tell me-- who're the twisted ones?

As for my perspective on the photos...sorry...that's really all far over my head. I'll leave the hard work for J-Mo!

Yes, I remember that passage from the Gospel According To Howard Johnson's, Chapter 3, Verse 9: "...and Jesus spake thusly, 'Yea, verily, whosoever giveth up their twin bed to a False Queen shall receiveth a Deluxe Select Comfort Sleep-Number Queen-Size in My Kingdom.'" Gaymen.

That is the most beautiful thing I have read all day. Praise you.

Another great recap! You are breathing life into a craptacular crew of "models," my dear. Seriously, those photo were hideous. And yet another chance for Ty-Ty to channel Dr Phil/Oprah.

Jesus-Freak is almost amusing, isn't she? I love the screencap you have of her with the bright, bright sun glowing behind her rapturous face. I'd like to think that is Our Father in Heaven going "WTF?"

So far, she has envy (Ty-Ty) and possibly wrath (spite for her comments re: wishing ill on other models pictures) on her Top 7 Sinz countdown. I'm sure Old Testament God would throw in Idolatry into the mix for her worshipfuling at Ty-Ty's Temple of !Fierce. That should definitely get her some Purgatory Points!

I can't believe EYES won. She looks a bit vacant in her pic, and I hate the way her mouth is open. Ugh. I don't want to see her vampire teeth. Put those away! (And that last pic is going to give me nightmares.)

It's too bad ConspiracyGirl didn't make it through or she would have had a field-day w/ Perky's dismissal. I didn't think her pic was so bad, really. Nothing compared to Queenie's entire performance. I think someone in Legal got a hold of Ty-Ty and said, ixnay on the epilepsy-nay.

Poor Perky. But she made for a more graceful Gokey than usual.

J-Mo so freaking funny!! Love the recap. I'm totally with you on Queenie biting it on the runway. I also hit rewind and it looked like she hit her other heel with her foot and covered by stopping short.

Ohhh, this little slice of heaven that is fans of ANTM snarking away at the feast of J-mo's fantastical recap!!! I think I'm in rapture!!!

So, J-mo, love that Bad Girl Madonna song, and the video for that matter . . . love you and your nicknames and your recap, and those eyes coming to get me--howling!!!!

I agree, Eye's shot was weak in a lame bunch, I actually thought prom queen's was best. I also thought, as evidenced by your grabs, J-mo, that Queeny had many more joyful young moments than the final one they took . . . seems deliberate to take her down a few pegs, which she dearly needs, but again, she is the only one remotely modelesque here, I'm a fan of her outer's, and I'm hopin' she's going to break down and cry and find herself and become a better person, coz it's such a waste of that shell . . . ugly inner's will ruin pretty outers, too, so times a wastin' grrrl!!!

I like Meemaw, but pretty, noooo--I'm with her dad, she's here coz she can speak (did y'all know that one of the most crucial things in getting cast, is how well you can reiterate what just happened)

I'm actually okay with London, she's upbeat, and pretty, as itchy points out, OH how I LOVE that cap with the glowing cross!!!!!! TFF!!!! But the look on her face is awesome.

As for headbands--NO NEVER YEEECH UGH--I can't decide if it's worse than fedora's and scarves on men or not. I don't care if Phoebe Price has put out a line of them--they are a forever fashion don't unless your jogging and they're made of terrycloth!!!

I think 7 foot has a not so pretty face, but nice build--did I say last week, is it just as bad to be too tall as it is to be too short?

As for the straight/gay thing, well, I can't say people don't think that it's gay to watch this show, but it can't be in cycle 12 on the backs of the gays . . . right!? I love having our Itchy along for the ride, and to have someone in the ranks who might actually want to have sexy times with anyone other than Nigel makes it more interesting and fun for me.

Lastly, OMG J-mo, you would not want to do Nigel, call the paramedics, I think I'm droppin' to the floo-ah!!!! Hayelp!!!!

Comment:

My girlfriend and I watched the show. They never showed Sandra's final photo during judging, nor did they show it again at the elimination. Was this just some strange edit/ommission where we were watching it (Washington DC)? I rewound the DVR to double check...

mxfield, not sure about in Washington, but the final for Sandra is the one of her in profile shown here. You can always see the final shots on the website as well, link to photos, then to models, then there should be a list--I have to refigure it out everytime, they seem a little buried in there.

Fantastical recap. My favorite phrase of the recap - "She also looks like a girl who eats paste and likes to fingerpaint with her own shit." It's hard to pick one phrase, but you shocked it with that one.

I think Queenie and Coach (from Survivor) belong together - yuck!

Honestly, no one stands out to me this cycle - like, say McKey from last cycle - I still giggle about her faux-British accent when they went to Europe.

Anyhow, I'll still watch the show for the drama - and MOST DEFINITELY catch your re-caps.

Oh J-Mo, you warned me. Those eyes...coming to get me.....aahhhhhhh!!!!! I'll be having nightmares tonight!

I'm so glad to hear that someone else struts the hallway. :)

As always, you had me giggling, snorting, and making all kinds of other decidedly UNladylike noises. What must the neighbors think?

SWAK,
PottyMouth

when are they gonna make america's next top (male) model... they gays need something to look that since the new season of make me a supermodel doesnt have any decent eye candy... i guess nigel might feel abit inadequate then! honestly... i dont see what all the straight women see in him.

anyway, i miss angelea so much! i guess she is somewhere in buffalo right now scratching some girls eyes out...

"You know, that's a really interesting issue, and I'm glad Ty-Ty cares so much about the youth of the nation, but I could take this little speech a lot more seriously if it wasn't coming from someone who is dressed like an electronic sex-toy."

J-Mo,
I'm still laughing at this one. I was so excited to see you're recapping a new show, and even though there isn't an ex-Hooter's waitress, or chubby, homophobic, bathaphobic first aid supply salesman in sight, you keep the laughs coming. I'm really looking forward to see what Ty-Ty and her merry band of wannabe human clothes hangers give you to work with. You're the best J-Mo

J-Mo, I'm glad you're recapping this mess for us!

And I love your comment about your runway in the hallway. (Tell me, have you ever stepped off the edge!?!?)

Queenie may have stumbled and covered it with a stop, but the dumbass should have continued to the end after pausing. That way it would be more believable that she did it on purpose for "pizzazz factor". What a Tool-ette! I hope she goes home SOON!

That last pic of EYES was way creepy! If I saw those coming at me I'd scream like a little girl and run!

Great job - keep trashing these po' bitches!

Lots O' Love

Anime Eyes might have great eyes, but the rest of her face is mediocre, she has chipmunk teeth, and her eyes are too close together. Still, I reserve judgment until I see more glamorous photos. I question her versatility.

Unfortunately, our Bitch Queenie is the most gorgeous girl out there. I also like Fo Ho, Rich Bitch, and Prom Queen.

If straight guys are weird for watching sweaty guys playing sports, what does that make straight women who watch female models strut their stuff? (Oh, I watch sports too.)

Isn't the black guy on Make Me a Supermodel pretty hot? Selkirk or Stanfield or whatever? And how about the geeky guy? Collin?

well pixielated, i stand corrected. :)

you are RIGHT! the black guy on Make me a supermodel is hot, his chest is abit small though, i think he needs to fill out alot more.
whereas colin the geeky 23 yr old virgin, with the right makeover and abit of beef, he will look like clark kent.

as for sports, i watch sports too! but not for perving reasons... meh ok i lied, i do perve abit. but i you cant help it, although is it weird for a gay man to like looking at breasts?

LoopyG- presumably you suckled on a pair once upon a time, so, no, I don't think it's weird.

Speaking of girls looking at girls...my wife makes fun of me for watching reality tv...and I make fun of her for reading those silly smelly magazines. The thing I don't get is why normal-sized women insist on looking at emaciated 15-year-olds to help them decide what to wear.

I do find it interesting that half of the girls this season are quite well (eh-hem) proportioned. Burn victim is definitely way too heavy to be considered a standard-sized model. She's only on the show because of her burns (she's quite pretty, sure, but there's nothing modelish there).

i think most of the guys in this season are skinnier.
sandra, celia, aminuts, you can see there bones...
regardless of what their size, when they do win, with the exception of whitney aka anna nicole, the agencies force them to loose more weight.
fashion is a sad world, the models are just clothes hangers at the end of the day.
we are supposed to be looking at the clothes, not the...

Ooo, some give and take! Pix, I think Sandow (sp?) is the one to beat, so charming, gorgeous and with a dance backround, I'm gonna guess flexible and graceful . . . def the one to beat-r they gonna cap that one here . . . hmmm . . .

Also, to blaspheme and mention another blog site, Projectrungay does a lot of fashion stuff--obv PR extensively, but they run a lot of pics of starlets in their red carpet regalia, and then put the runway look w/ model along side--even a Jessica Beil with a smokin' hot bod looks like a lumpy chunk in comparison . . . it really makes no sense that fashion is based on the emaciated, esp since so few of us are!!! I feel like it's cheating to use stick figures instead of humans . . .

Also Pix, I'm with you on Anime, lets see what a little photo shop and lighting can do . . .

Hilarious recap. My favorite line: I have a runway in my house (except I call it the "hallway")

Yay, yay, yay, another great recap!!!! I am a fierceling now? I love it! And please, keep rewriting the gospel according to whatever comes handy, that was so funny.

I'm OK with Jesus-Freak's kind of freakness so far, she seems nice enough and instead of preaching and reading the bible out loud to the girls she just simply slept on the floor because it was the thing to do. Good for her. I guess after witnessing the Ultimate Jesus-Freak-Bitch-Cum-Laude-Behold-I-Will-Make-Jay-Straight-By-Jiggling-My-Naked-Jugs-At-Him from the first cycle, a few Thank You Jesuses don't seem so bad. Although I won't hold my breath for a big Damn You Jesus when she loses.

I think Anime Eyes sucks as a model. I like the black girls this year. Well, I like two of them, and think Queenie is pretty but odious.

I find very ironic that Ty-Ty is so worried about young women growing up too fast when she markets an ANTM doll line. Girls who still play with dolls have no business watching this show in the first place.

As to why we straight women watch this trainwreck, I don't know, I guess in part it's getting the confirmation that those thin pretty pretty girls from high school really ARE that stupid and bitchy (hey, I may be bitchy, but hopefully never stupid!) In part it's the pure surreal hallucinogenic feel of the whole show (how shellacked can Jay get before he can't move?) In part, well, it's a competition, so I guess it's like the straight guys watching the sweaty athletes. And of course, it never hurts to get a good look at Nigel...

Which brings me to: Mr. Mo, please give me mo mo mo Nigel screencaps! That's one thing that Hoolia never failed to deliver in spades, and bless you darling for that...

Wow, you guys have taken off running here! I'll try to catch up...

itchy... I'm also loving calling people twunts! And I'll see if we can't fulfill playing the Seven Deadly Sins Game™ this cycle, that's a great idea! I don't think Anime-Eyes is going to win, though, because she'll snap and eat several of the other contestants before she makes it to the end. xoxo :)

loopygorilla... well, thank you, although I have to confess that both parts of the show were broadcast last Wednesday, so I really didn't move so fast, but I'm glad you enjoyed it! xoxo :)

Hoolia... honey, thanks for the blessing and the vote of confidence, much love to you! xoxo :)

Themiki... awww, don't feel old for getting the Tron reference! And I don't think it's odd at all for anyone to get hooked on this show, be they straight, gay, lesbian, bi, tri, or tranny... it's fun for everyone! xoxo :)

LisaMay... Thank you, sweetie! And I agree with you, there really wasn't a "best shot" this time! xoxo :)

wornsey... I think you might be right about the legality issue, there have been rumors surfacing on the interwebs that Isabella falling and hurting herself during a seizure was too much of a concern for the producers to keep her around. And kudos to you for clocking Queenie's foot-kick, too! xoxo :)

Snootchy Bootches... LOL @ you for "big eye blood lovin' girl"! And I'm right there with you on the Queenirritation! xoxo :)

areyoucliff... LOL at "I have always had a thing for flounders"! xoxo :)

MrsBojangles... LOL, you are quite welcome, my child. xoxo :)

jennaboa... "Purgatory Points"! I love it! xoxo :)

Baxter... also good catch on the Queenie-stumble, we should form an Observant 'Gasmii Club or something. You guys don't miss a thing... xoxo :)

juddfan... OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm so right there with you about BOTH the headbands and ESPECIALLY the stupid fucking scarves people are wearing as "fashion" nowadays. I can't wait to see guys here in Phoenix this summer out in the blazing-hot club and sweating and passing out because they're trying to keep their cool "hip-hop fashion" in place, LOL! xoxo :)

mxfield... wow, that is weird about Sandra's final picture. I posted it here, it's the one of her standing by the tree and looking scared while the other black girl points at her (she's supposed to be playing "hide and seek" but it looks more like "help, a mob wants to sacrifice me to it's pagan gods!" xoxo :)

msjacqmills... hey, I'm so glad you're enjoying these, and I think your idea for a Queen/Coach union is amazing! xoxo :)

PottyMouth... the neighbors probably think you're watching Ashlee Simpson trying to act on TV. xoxo :)

waffleboy... okay, I think I totally love you. xoxo :)

arizonatom... HA, i've never stepped off the edge of my hall/runway, but I have crashed into the wall before. Glad you liked the recap. xoxo :)

pixielated... I agree, Anime-Eyes is nothing more than huge eyes (and a weak chin). We'll see what they can do with her! xoxo :)

Clair... awww, shucks, thank you so much! I'm happy you liked it! xoxo :)

sayhuh... thanks for all the compliments, I agree with your assessments. I will TRY to take some more caps of Nigel, but he really didn't have much to DO this episode or I'd have had him in more. I'll do my best, though! xoxo :)

Okay, there we go, thank you guys so much for all your comments. Next episode is tonight! Until then, love to everybody!

love, J-Mo :)

Thank, J-MO, for the return comments. xoxo

Hey J-Mo, I figured I'd put this in your own recap, since I'm busy learning new and interesting things about SWV in mine! I don't often say this, but you are damn hilarious. If they ever do 'America's Next Top Recapper', I am going to have to come up with some way to injure you if I hope to take the crown!

That is a compliment, by the way. Not a threat! UNLESS...

OMG, I'm broadening my SWV horizons every day thanks to your recap! Wow, that's a helluva compliment, especially coming from someone as consistently brilliant as you are. I'm totally blushing (and for once it's not because someone made a sexual comment about my ass) so thank you!

love, J-Mo :)

P.S. No need to injure anybody, if you want to take me out of the competition, I'm very easily distracted by Häagen Dazs... :)