Time for the show to start, Benny's telling the crowd they'll be judging (boy, will they ever!) by applause... and if they don't like the posing, they should voice their displeasure. I doubt that'll be a problem with this crowd of mouthy queens. In Bennilingo a bad pose is "sour", except he pronounces it "sow-ahhhh!"
...and here's the very face of sow-ahhh now!...
DJ Has-Been drops the beat and we're off! Anime's the first one up in an iridescent purple minidress, and while she's doing better than before, she thinks they could smell her fear. She's right, because she starts getting booed. Then she shoots death-rays from her eyes at the audience, turns them all into blackened husks of carbon and wins by default. Kidding! She slinks off to the side while Teyomboy appears in a silvery-sequined pantsuit and shows her how it's done...
...can you see the obvious difference?...
I sure can't, and I fear this shit is going to be just as arbitrary as Tyra & Co. at the Judges Panel. Oh well, Portlie's (in her pewter-shaded mini) noticed that Bennihana is calling out "Pose! Pose! Pose!" to each of the girls and decides she's going to hit something dramatic and awesome every time he says it. After three lame attempts she runs out of ideas and gets soundly booed.
Queenie's turn! She's in a coral pantsuit and is complaining that the shoes are really hard to walk in, so she stuck with "simple" poses. Mostly pouting and playing with her wig. Get the hook! I see Kevin Aviance in the audience and he looks pissed! "Someone's gotta have poses in here!" shouts Benninja, and out comes MeeMaw (in a silver mini) who immediately knocks the rest of the bitches off stage with her fierceness and originality and levels and angles...
...okay, this time you can see the obvious difference...
The crowd goes wild for her and MeeMaw wins her heat! She'll be on the cover of the next AARP Newsletter for sure! Time for round two, and first up is AmINuts in her teal long-sleeved minidress, and she's doing her best, but looks vacant and starts getting booed. Jesus-Freak follows in a silver sleeveless mini, and for some reason decides to crouch down and give the audience a beaver-shot. She must have forgotten it's a bunch of gay men and they do not appreciate her showing hoo-hah, because they're totally barfing...
...if only she was a tranny...
Homegirl's in a tight pink shimmery sheath, but she looks askerd and her poses are not flattering to her body at all. She blames the dress and the hair (natch!) and when she starts getting catcalls you can tell she's all butt-hurt by it. Not so for Rich-Bitch, who actually steps off the front of the runway in her golden pantsuit and is hitting all kinds of interesting bitchy looks, and the queens are eating it up! MeeMaw is pissed that she didn't think of doing that and realizes she'll need to be way better in the Pose-Off. Last one to go is Fo Ho in a magenta mini, and she's doing different things with her levels and lines as well, but the crowd reaction seems to be mixed...
...because gays loooove them a rich-bitch...
Unsurprisingly, Rich-Bitch is the winner of heat #2, facing off against MeeMaw! When the music starts, MeeMaw hits the floor, posing while reclining. Rich-Bitch follows suit. MeeMaw gets back up. Rich-Bitch bounces back up, too. MeeMaw starts playing with the belt on her dress. So does Rich-Bitch. What is this, Simon Says? Then Rich-Bitch almost falls off the catwalk a couple of times and starts to look awkward while MeeMaw's owning the runway. As they hit their final poses, the crowd decides...
...well, at least Rich-Bitch didn't win again...
And actually, there were more than a few boos for Rich-Bitch! I guess they didn't love her as much as she thought. Then again, queens can be a fickle-ass bunch (right Madonna?) Speaking of which, I was a tad surprised that they didn't bust out with "Vogue" or "Supermodel" or "'Cause I'm A Blonde" or something along those lines, especially considering how they were playing up how important the music was supposed to be in this challenge. All I heard were generic beats and a few scritchy-scratchies. So much for DJ Has-Been's skillz.
MeeMaw's so happy, she doesn't even mind that she might have cracked her femur plopping down on the stage like that. Back at the house, you know who's not happy? Anime-Eyes! (ha! faked you out!) You know why she's not happy? Because she made the fatal mistake of asking a crumple-faced Homegirl what was wrong and wound up being subjected to six hours of...
...just eye-laser her now, Anime!...
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Comments (28)
Great recap!
Thanks for sharing the clip!!! I have been very curious to see how you guys perform. With absolutely no disrespect intended to Miss Ebonae, you guys really made that performance. That looked really awesome! And congratulations to her!
1 of 28 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on March 30, 2009 4:35 AM
Darling J-Mo,
I loved the recap. But I am totally blown away by the video!!! Ms. Ebonae is totally awesome. I can't believe your group kept it together that well with the sound issues. Talk about being well rehearsed. OMG she totally blew away any of the contestants on Ru Paul's drag race. And you, darling, are awesome out there!!!
Luv, luv, loved it!!
Hugs,
Yenta
2 of 28 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on March 30, 2009 5:26 AM
I have been so looking forward to getting back to work this week so I can read this recap. Okay, let's take a look at MeeMaw here..... she has probably seen all previous 11 cycles, she had to have known that Tyra looks at the footage of whats going on in the house.....right? I mean, what about that episode each cycle where she has a sit down with each girl and she brings up subjects that have gone on in the house. That proves she looks at the footage, probably daily. And MeeMaw is too smart not to have known this. Somethings going on here. I don't think MeeMaw is going to get cut.... I think maybe this is the cycle for the oldest one to win it all.
Oh yeah, and Rich Bitch's picture was NOT GOOD!
3 of 28 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on March 30, 2009 7:08 AM
That clip was amazing! Thank you for adding it. It was great by itself but crossed over into awesome when the music started cutting out.
I was waiting for your recap to go up because, truth be told, I bailed as soon as Meemaw opened her mouth. I have no stomach for cringe moments and, really, HOW RUDE! I can't wait for next week, the fallout is going to be delicious.
4 of 28 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on March 30, 2009 7:32 AM
Oh J-Mo..line of the week from you again
"On the other hand, the girl is only 18, she's got serious body-image issues and she just got her ass (verbally) plowed on stage by 437 gay men all at once. For me, this would be a dream evening, but for her, not so much." i LOL so much.
ok, onto ANTM matter :) homegirls just needs to STFU already. but i like to hate some1 in this comp, so let her stay.
cuz i wanna hear her courageous one liners, etc and yeah we need some shit to talk about.
as for Queenie, welcome back delusional girl. LUV LUV LUV you.
as for benny being the husband? hahaha i had a cackle.
as for mew maw! oh i luv this woman! she had the balls and guts and conviction to do what she said she would do, whereas the other girls in that group of "tahlia is a fucking annoying fat bitch" didnt.
so goooo MEMAw.
anyway thanks J-MO, love your work
5 of 28 | Posted by loopygorilla | Posted on March 30, 2009 8:21 AM
Loved your recap! Especially the "Saftey Dance" comment...omg...totally dating myself here!...LOL...
But yes i was in complete shock when fugly Meemaw and her fugly eyebrows (does she really have any?) made that speech at panel...my jaw literally dropped and was thinkin "oh no she didn't!!!"...but totally lookin forward to next episode! That cavegirl gonna get some back me thinks!!!
And last but not least, Love love the video...you're pretty spry for a white guy J-Mo!!!...LOL and i mean that with love...
Keep up the good work!
Twnny
6 of 28 | Posted by twnpeeks | Posted on March 30, 2009 10:59 AM
Who knew that Gary Coleman was so much older than we ever suspected? Or that his mom was a white MILF?
Seriously, Meemaw, Homegirl GETS CALLED FIRST and you're going to try to get her bounced? Getting called first will change your attitude in a hurry. Maybe if she'd been in the BOTTOM two, MAYBE you could open your mouth then. For all her advanced age, you'd think Meemaw would have a little more common sense.
7 of 28 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on March 30, 2009 11:35 AM
I have to take notes while I read your recaps J-Mo because you inspire me so much:
1. Anime-eyes totally rocks the wasted rocker model girlfriend chick look.
2. I was actually starting to like MeeMaw (for her positivity) this episode...then suddenly...bam, she blows up into stupid snitch bitch. Well played editors!
3. I am of the opinion that Jesus Freak's 'street preacher' bit was just an act to get her noticed enough and on the show. She just seems a bit too worldly wise to me. Besides, she's cute, I'd hate to see all that cuteness wasted on some bullshit purity pledge.
4. Great video -- I'm really impressed how you all kept it together during the snafu and didn't let your gal down. The audience was great about it too.
5. We (the six heterosexual guys watching this show) need more Fo Ho face time (and a few more Fo-Tos) -- she's the prettiest of them all. Nice body too.
6. Nice of them to let Homegirl win --but I think they did that just to set up MeeMaw (since they knew she was planning to say something). I mean, I really can't see all that much difference between her photo and any of the others. Anyway, now that Homegirl won one, they'll be sending her home.
7. Queenie has that great mixture of hateful arrogance and bimboish vapidness.
8 of 28 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 30, 2009 12:22 PM
Wow! Nice moves you got there, J-Mo.
9 of 28 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on March 30, 2009 1:02 PM
As much as a dumb ass move it was, I get why MeeMaw did it. I mean, here is this person who wants to be here going home when a person that doesn't is staying. It wouldn't be right if whassername went home and then the next day, homegirl had another self pity party and quit. I think it took balls to do what she did because lots of people say they are going to do that, but don't. Not that it makes it any more stupid in the land where Tyra is the Tyra-nt.
10 of 28 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on March 30, 2009 1:09 PM
to Snootchy Bootches: yes, but MeeMaw knows that Tyra looks at the footage so she knew that if Tyra didn't like what Homegirl said in the house, she would have sent her home.
Unless......Maybe MeeMaw wanted to take on Tyra and tell her what to do.......
11 of 28 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on March 30, 2009 2:08 PM
Awesome video!
12 of 28 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on March 30, 2009 2:49 PM
Great recap and thanks for adding the video! Awesome! Better than the episode!
The problem with Ty Ty picking personality over pretty is that you end up with a bunch of jumped-up bitches w/ ego problems and very little skill. Ugh.
I guess my faves at the moment are Jesus Freak (when she's in heavy, heavy makeup) and Anime Eyes (b/c she looks like Captain Jack Sparrow stumbled into a drag show and got attacked by a Barbie-loving queen. And how can you not like Captain Jack Sparrow, even in drag?)
13 of 28 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on March 30, 2009 3:07 PM
I don't think Tyra acts like she sees the footage (though I am sure she does). If you look at past seasons when there have been people doing one thing in panel and another in the house, they get away with it unless someone rats them out. Jade? They yelled at her for being arrogant in panel but never for being an ass in the house. The african girl from a couple seasons ago? The major bitch that put her underwear on Melrose's bed? That was pretty nasty and yet it never came up in panel.
14 of 28 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on March 30, 2009 3:15 PM
I sucked it up and watched the end. My grandmother always said that if you were trying to get someone *out* of trouble it was just "telling", if you were trying to get someone *into* trouble, then it was tattling. I didn't really get the impression that it was about saving Portlie so much as narcing out Homegirl. So, she's Tattletale to me now, although my grandmother was British and would have called her Telltale Tit.
15 of 28 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on March 30, 2009 4:27 PM
"He Who Vogues Behind the Rows..."
I just wet my pants laughing.
16 of 28 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 30, 2009 4:32 PM
J-Mo, I can't watch anything with Tyra, she makes my teeth hurt, but I j'adore your recaps. Wow. Wow. Two snaps up Wow on the video. Who's your choreographer? Excellent performance and kudos to everyone for keeping it together during the snafu. Hope you take the show on the road, you guys are Club One headliners.
Mwah, shanti
17 of 28 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on March 30, 2009 8:47 PM
Snootchy, no matter what, they are going to choose the dramatic girls over the talented girls... :-), thus Fatima stays (African girl from the season Whitney won), Monique didn't take a picture during the ep that she wiped her undies on Melrose's bed (although Melrose deserved it for slamming her into the door of the telephone room). As far as Jade, she was nuts and old and ugly... she had a shtick that kept her in the house to the end. She terrorized that Asian girl for weeks, then did the whole "thank you for believing in me" BS.
18 of 28 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on March 30, 2009 9:18 PM
J-Mo - great recap!
Your pic of Homegirl and Anime remided me of a childhood ditty: "Apple core, Baltimore, Who's your friend, HOMEGIRL" and the person with the apple core whips it at the subject. It would have been fun to see Homegirl get Mackintosh-ed!
Lurved the "19th Century MILF"! Laughed my ass off.
Croatioa Magnum looks like she's not just striking a pose, but airing out the beaver!
If MeeMaw thinks photo shoots are not her stongest point, what the fuck is she doing trying to be a spokes-model? Isn't that ALL about photo shoots?
At the judges' table (oops, guess I must be hungry) doesn't Queenie look like she smells cat shit?
Great job on the dancing at the pageant - you guys sure wowed the crowd by keeping going even though the music stopped. Wonderful!
Lots O' Love
19 of 28 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on March 30, 2009 9:18 PM
OMG what a fugly, fugly beyotch! I used to feel kind of sorry for Meemaw cuz she was so old and ugly but, wow...dumb and bitchy, too!
I thought the best immigrant photos were Jesus Freak, Homegirl, and Teyomboy.
And what did that Benny Ninja pose-off really have to do with anything, except havin' fun? Benny was pretty horrible at posing for the camera. (He did the same ghetto girl pose in most of the pics.)
20 of 28 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 30, 2009 9:39 PM
slutty_whore, ah yes, who can forget Jade? That girl was whacked.
21 of 28 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on March 31, 2009 6:08 AM
Another great episode amd of course another great recap. To begin with hats off to the ANTM producers for bringing in Benny Ninja for their photo tribute to early green card marriages in America. It was great the producers used this time to pay tribute to a forgotten part of our nation's history.
I think Meemaw's getting a little roughed up here. Yes her little speech was one of the classic bits of bitchassedness seen on TV in a long long time (translation at least the last two weeks). but were we really expecting long term rational thought from a woman with a skull narrow enough to fit through a keyhole? I think that was just setting ourselfs up for disappointment. Man that chick's got a tiny melon. Seriously, usually you have to pay to get into a tent at the county fair to see a noggin that small. Wait, what was I talking about again?
Anyway another great episode and next week's looks even better. Can't hardly wait.
PS Awesome routine J-Mo, you and your friends did good!
22 of 28 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on March 31, 2009 7:37 AM
J-Mo, great recap as always! You can DANCE boy! I am impressed. Thanks for sharing the video with all of us. More please.
I loved the Oliver! reference - I'm always thinking of that song. Or maybe it's always food I'm thinking of. Ok, maybe not thinking so much as stuffing my face with. :)
Edible nail polish is a fabulous idea. Let's create it and make millions and millions of dollars! Who's with me?
Can't wait to see what happens this week - drama, drama, drama (hopefully)!
SWAK, PottyMouth
23 of 28 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 31, 2009 8:15 AM
J-mo, Darling, grrrrl you can move!!!! And you're lookin' so studly as you do!!! Thanks so much and always for sharing those with us!!!
Fantastic recap, as always, this week I missed the show, but after this, I feel I missed nothing!
I did like Homegirls shot the best, she looked from the era. I was confused as to whether they were supposed to be fierce, or whether they were supposed to blend in, or both!?
London seems to get prettier to me, and I agree itchy, Fo is very purty too--still can't see the winner here . . . is it me!?
Glad Queenie's back, can't wait to see epi this week.
XOXOXOX, and congrats to miss ebonae!!
24 of 28 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 31, 2009 1:30 PM
So, before I read onwards, I was reminded of the photo shoot and how the girls immediately guessed birds.
BIRDS?! Seriously? My first thought was immigrants. Maybe bird migratory patterns have become important in American schools...
25 of 28 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 31, 2009 2:13 PM
Heyyy, guys, I am SO sorry about the delay in responding to the comments, I have had some personal drama that has been keeping me from it.
First of all, THANK YOU guys for all the kind compliments on the dance video (esp. Snootchy Bootches, yentapatrol, kizarny, twnpeeks, itchy, LAjane, Y3KPhenom, jennaboa, shantigal, arizonatom, waffleboy09, PottyMouth and juddfan), I told Ebonae about it and she is just thrilled to death, and is loving the fact that the hits on her video have now exceeded 500.
LisaMay... IMHO I don't think MeeMaw's going to win this whole thing, she's too angular and strange-looking, and I think she's put herself on Tyra's radar for a bad reason, but you could be right, I'll happily eat my words (with ranch dressing on top) if she does! xoxo :)
kizarny... my BF and I have been laughing at "Telltale Tit" ever since you posted it, ROFL! xoxo :)
loopygorilla... glad you enjoyed it, I'm always happy to make others happy! xoxo :)
twnpeeks... I used to listen to Men Without Hats a lot when I was about 13 or so, and everybody could DO the Safety Dance, it wasn't all hard and complicated like that Soulja Boy shit! xoxo :)
xqzmoi... I heartily agree, I think it was super-ill-advised of her to go after the best photo girl, MeeMaw must be going senile! xoxo :)
itchy... the same thought about Jesus-Freak crossed my mind since she's made, oh, ZERO mentions of her Lord And Savior since she's been in the house. I agree, I think it was just a made-up backstory to get on the show. She's prolly a Buddhist! xoxo :)
Snootchy Bootches... I have to grudgingly agree with you, MeeMaw DID follow through with what she said she was going to do... I still think it was an incredibly stupid thing to do, but you're right, she kept to her word! xoxo :)
jennaboa... LOL @ Captain Jack Sparrow in drag! xoxo :)
VegasDarling... Awww, how sweet of you to say, here's some tissues... xoxo :)
slutty_whore... wow, you certainly have encyclopedic knowledge of this show... please be sure to correct me if I get stuff wrong, K? xoxo :)
arizonatom... LOL @ Queenie smelling catshit! xoxo :)
pixielated... OMG, you are so RIGHT! Benny was looking like a corner 'ho in ALL those photos! Good catch! xoxo :)
waffleboy09... OMG, you kill me with "usually you have to pay to get into a tent at the county fair to see a noggin that small"! xoxo :)
PottyMouth... yes, let's make flavors of nail polish like Cherry-Mango Yum-Yum™ and Bananas Foster Surprise™ and Tic-Tac Pie™! xoxo :)
juddfan... I think they were supposed to be fiercely in the background...? xoxo :)
georgiababe... we thought alike on that one, I was also like "Birds? DUMBASSES!" xoxo :)
Okay, I'm working on the new recap as we speak, watch for it in a couple of days!
love, J-Mo :)
26 of 28 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on April 3, 2009 12:37 AM
Oh hell naw, Mee Maw!! I want her gone so bad..like next week bad.
Ke-yute! choreography J-Mo! I actually liked the background dancers better than Miss Ebonae. And I never liked this particular Mary J song until now. Great job.
27 of 28 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on April 9, 2009 1:00 AM
Btw, that's awesome how Miss Gay Phoenix kept going with her routine even though the music stopped. How did ya'll keep count with no music?
And loved how the crowd just filled in for Mary J. lol Whoo!
28 of 28 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on April 9, 2009 1:03 AM