I hadn't actually noticed that Paulina told London never to wear the shorts again. I mean, they weren't flattering, so I guess she was right, but still, a little tact would be nice.

Also, Gayken scares the shit out of me. Ever since that weirdly stalker-like "Invisible" song...and those pictures of him in the leprechaun suit didn't help.

So glad that Homegirl went home. I was really over all of her whining.

Awesome recap as per usual, J-Mo.

I just wasted time typing in an actual comment only to have it get sucked into internet oblivion so I'll keep it short this time and just say that you are HILARIOUS and you rock my socks.
Screen grabs were SO FUNNY this week I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

xoxo

Haha, just in response to saying grace at the dinner table, my family isn't very religious, but my grandparents are, so whenever we want to their house, my grandfather would say grace before dinner.

My brother and I asked if we could say grace at dinner and our little ditty went like this: "Rub a dub dub, thank God for the grub."

Needless to say, my grandfather was less than impressed...

Im with Nemesiis (good thing I don't have to pronounce that!) You rock my socks too!!! I always have visions of you swirling and dancing in that line up when I read your recaps, you've got some serious a** moves, if I do say so myself--I'd be scared on a team with you!!! And 90 degrees, noooooo, it's been so f'in cold here in LA, forever longest winter eveh!!!!

Do let me know if you and Ebonae take the show on the road and come around these parts, I'd love to go Holla fer ya!

As to the epi, it was so weird how I noticed London slumping too, couldn't they tell her to stand up--she's a bit shorter anyway, isn't she . . . I imagine my face looks like her when I'm talking, yes, in about 10 seconds, all my personalities can make their presence known!!!

Still don't know who's gonna take this one, but you were sure right about Mckey, WOOD has come to town . . . I don't hate her tho, so at least she's avoided that curse! (like she gives a french flying f*ck what I think!)

I really, really want Anime to step it up and be awesome . . . it would be great to see scary bunny, and sexy bunny, and mysterious bunny, and even bloodsucking bunny!!! Bring it girl, coz when you go, the pickin's be gettin' real slim!!!

And yes, I've had my stuggles with weight, as I'm sure most of us have, but when you're on a TV show to be a model, and you gain so much weight they have to change your size . . . I dunno, it's like her job, right!? Is it me!? If all I had to do, in the words of Aminuts, is take good pictures and be interesting, I think I could step it up, at least until they sent me packin--then Ben and Jerry's better watch out!!!!

Anyhoo, HEART all, and I don't hate on anyone much this time, tho not a fan of RB . . .

I'm on the fence about London's weight. I agree with juddfan in that it IS her job, but on the other hand, they're acting like she just gained 400 lbs. instead of 10.

I think that they definitely should say something to her (although I'm sure that she knows) because I'm sure that she understands the industry, but to say in so many words "You shouldn't wear those. They make your giant ass look even bigger" in such a callous way is just rude and unnecessary.

These comments from Tyra at judging are definitely arbitrary and hypocritical. I think it's funny that she made such a fuss about Anime's outfit, but when Queenie was there, she wore the same jumper,t-shirt,ugly red boot ensemble almost every week. I think she just wanted something to talk about.

I really can't tell who will win this thing. They're all so blah. And the one who seems to be doing the best so far...MeeMaw, is kind of hidieous looking.

J-Mo im only up to page 6 :) of the recap,

am i the only one who NOTICED FO-HO grabbed rich bitch's boobs in the bathroom!!! please watch that segment again! please.

they do their practise in the bathroom, and rich bitch says something, fo-ho says "Lol yeah" and TWO HANDS on boobs!

that will get our six straight male readers excited (and lesbians)

ok, gotta finish reading ure recap.

Thanks J-Mo, fantastic recaps again.

I noticed that too, the judgies didnt slap Jesus for having the head band, their comments and "critiques" are so inconsistent.

as for homegirl, its funny how she was favourite one shoot and eliminated in another shoot. thank god though because her "pout" photshoots were annoying me. and the moses comment was also funny, loved it!

and poor jesus freak has put on weight, awww

and paulina is nasty! but they should let speak more often because she says nasty stuff! love it!

and i miss the drama, the girls are soo boring again.

im not inspired at all by the rest of them left.. sigh.

Sometimes, when a person is under stress, even if their eating habits don't change, they can gain weight. It's the cortisol thing--I think it makes you retain water. (Women, anyway.)

Still, I'm sure that Porizkunty's comments were mild compared to the stuff models hear at go-sees, etc. It's a harsh business.

Is there a woman on Earth UGLIER than Meemaw? I mean WTF that girl is like a walking train wreck. Yecchhh!

LMAO!!!! I can't believe that someone referenced the Doxology on TVGasm!!! That is hilarious. It makes me want to sing. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow..."

I feel that I must speak for all the insulted equines in the world and say, no way does Meemaw look like a horse! Tyra could take any horse off the street, or racetrack, and have a better model than that!

Rich-bitch's 'wack' reminds me of the way my spoiled doctor's-son nephew is ALWAYS readjusting his crotch.

AnimeEyes will do great in Japan. She'd make an excellent bobble-head doll too. But she's exactly the type of girl I always went for back in my early 20s, so what can I say? I [heart] AnimeEyes. (giggle)

The problem with JesusFreak's body isn't the 'fat' (since there isn't much of that anyway) , it's the pear shape -- she's got great hips for spitting out the kids though. Hallelujah! But she's just on the show for the exposure--it's pretty obvious now that her goal is to get into acting. (Is there a deadly sin for that?) She could play the squinty-eyed character on any number of sitcoms.

Juddfan, the French don't really fly when they fuck. That's just a myth.

I actually like MeeMaw, at least her energy and generally positive attitude. Fo Ho's the same way -- she always seems to be having a good laugh at this. The rest of these girls are just such whiny drips.

I think one of Anime's friends should help her out and give one of the others a bloody nose before Anime's photo shoot. It is only then that we will truly know if she has more than one expression.

Did Gayken look more bloated than usual, or is it me? Girlfriend must be PMSing.

I heart you J-Mo. Thanks for making me giggle and guffaw each and every week.

SWAK, PottyMouth

Darling J-Mo:
I just don't get MeeMaw as a model. She looks so hard and bracket faced. But then again none of these women really stand out to me. Out of all of the applicants for this show, I can't believe that the casting crew couldn't come up with at least a couple of really striking women. At this point I'm leaning toward Teyomboy and FoHo to win this thing, and have the privilege of fading into Tyra ordained oblivion.

Enjoy Gay Pride and don't forget some good pics.

Hugs,
Yenta

Oh, and I gotta say I'm with juddfan on Jesus Freak's weight. She's not huge or anything, but come on, it's your freakin' job to be skinny. What the heck do you have to do all day besides make sure that you continue to look good? (Model good obvi, not regular person good)

Great recap, J-Mo, although I may have to bill you for the flashback to Holiday Family Dinners I had with the whole Doxology thing. :) My grandfather was particularly good with Thanking God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, a few saints and angels, ancestors, George Washington, all our soldiers, Martin Luther, Mother Teresa, etc, etc. With his eyes closed, so my brother and I would try to sneak bites of turkey/ham/lukfisk before it went cold in between mumbled Amens (there were usually about ten). My grandfather only once let my brother deliver grace and got a take on georgiababes "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God!" for his trouble. We got an extra long prayer after that.

The critiques were shite this week, as per usual. Methinks Ty Ty hates MeeMaw, which is okay by me because if Anime Eyes only has one face, at least it is a pretty face I don't mind seeing as opposed to MeeMaw's expressions that borderline on pain. Not attractive.

And AE, getting blasted on wearing the Cosby sweater twice? Pssh. Rather that than the same black tank, jean skirt combo that usually gets the girls' blasted for not looking like models.

Poor JesusFreak isn't feeling the love. She selflessly gives up her $5,000 stash of rich girl jeans to the hordes of thankless bee-itches and then gets no love from Ty Ty for her supposed ghetto-talk. (Wh/ I didn't get at all.) Then the Portkunt weighs in on her weight in the nasty shorts. Now, the shorts were heinous and doing terrible things to her tush, but c'mon. Half those girls are dressed in skank skirts and tank tops, barely making an effort. JF was pulling out her best Corey Feldman look, circa Lost Boys! She deserves a little bit of love that doesn't come in the size of a jumbo pint of ice cream (sucks to be her; better eat an Altoid for your well-balanced meal and get used to it). (And, no, I don't think she's fat at all; the shorts are just a really bad cut for her figure. As a model, she should know how to dress her figure to hide her flaws or she'll not be making any money. The Business sucks.)

RichBitch. It was highly unfair of Ty Ty to not relate at all to RB's inability to relate to her ghetto girl companions in the commercial. I mean, like she said to FoHo, you can't hate her because she's from a nice neighborhood when the rest of the skanks are from suburbias/boonies/ghettos and are lower-class filth? Gosh, I felt bad for her and her cheap Gossip Girl wannabe arse that fits into JF's JoeJeans handouts. Clearly, she is saving herself for a real makeup that isn't sold in WalMart.

Guh. Get over yourself, girl. You aren't that pretty, and you certainly aren't that memorable.

Especially next to McKey. Did any of these girls look as good as her? I didn't think so. None of them really look like models. Sorry about the book, but this show is becoming such a cliche of itself (which was pretty cliche to begin with).

I'm only on page 1 of the recap, but I'm at about 90% of my Required Daily Allowance of laughs for the day. Thanks, babe! I hope I don't piss you off by saying that I hope MeeMaw sticks around until the finale, especially since I see she may be getting the full, trademarked Eddie "I work for the BEST!" J-Mo screengrab treatment from now on... Sweet! I don't think there's a way in hell she can make it as a model, but since she already knows how to dress well and she has that horsey "this is what passes for good-looking in high society" face, I can totally see her ending up as a trophy wife to some 68-year-old banker. Think of the bliss, they can share the geritol!

LOL at your grandpa's list of thankees, Jennaboa, with the mention of lutefisk I'm totally picturing him as a craggy Max von Sydow in full 19th-century Norwegian farmer mode (yeah, I know he's Swedish, but...) And I totally agree with you about McKey. She is wooden as all get out in her commercials, but I think she is the only one of the ANTM girls EVER that the designers she modeled for sounded really enthusiastic about.

Oh, and I'm calling this season for Teyomboy, provided she can learn to smile without giving that perv-looking squint. Talk about horsey faces! If not, then Fo.

Back to reading! xoxo

sayhuh: My grandfather, bless his soul, was exceedingly Swedish Lutheran. There wasn't one poor Act-of-God stricken person in the world he didn't spiritually reference in prayer. Which is sort of why I kind of wanted JesusFreak to be all ... well, Jesus freaky. And she's not been. There's been a suspicious absence of our Lord's name, which really twigs me because I am starting to like her (though she really needs a stylist to help her work what her Father gave her -- God did not approve of that headband, Freaky! That was the Other Guy.)

I didn't like McKey either, but at least she *looks* like a model. So far, we have a yenta, two shrieking homegirls, one near mute homegirl (sadly, no longer w/ us), a round-faced richbitch, a round-bummed JesusFreak who doesn't say the Lord's name every ten seconds (Ha!), an anime vampire and -- who the heck am I forgetting? -- oh, FoHo. Who's cute, I guess? Not the best cast ever. J-Mo rocks these recaps, because, really, these guys are nearly as boring as Joe on Survivor. :)

OUSTANDING RECAP!!!!

“I'll never forget seeing him in his original American Idol audition when he first opened his mouth to sing and a glittery Chanel handbag fell out.” Kind of like that old fairy tale about diamonds and toads.

“They better hope Tyra doesn't play a dirty trick on them and make it a photo shoot with a pile of prison dykes.” Or worse, Rosie O’Donnell (who is also friends with Clay Aiken.)

So…Jesus Freak is supposedly fat??? In what screwed up universe? And I thought she did the best commercial take…but what do I know. I’ve only recorded over a two-thousand commercials myself. (Yup…you may have heard me on the radio, and not because I own a business, but because people actually hire me for my voice and delivery.) If I had to choose a new body from among those girls, hers would be the one I would choose. The others look like they’re wasting away from some dreadful disease, like systemic spite or something.

"Somebody sucked really hard today and will have their dreams crushed into a fine micro-mineral powder tomorrow. Sleep well." I really wish that was how the Tyra Mails were written.

ReeseWitherspoon said, “LMAO!!!! I can't believe that someone referenced the Doxology on TVGasm!!! That is hilarious. It makes me want to sing. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow..." So glad I wasn’t the only one singing!

Lastly, perhaps if AmINuts wasn’t wearing an Aunt Jemima rag on her head, Rich Bitch wouldn’t mistake her for the help.

Definitely your funniest recap yet!
I feel so bad for London... I didn't even notice that her body was in any way different than any of the other girls. Before, when Paulina had made the comment her proportions were a bit awkward I was like "uhh... what?" Looks like this week's ep is going to be centred on that. I'm getting ready to cringe a lot.

Oh my gosh, does anyone here know these girls' real names?? HILARIOUS!!

And am I the only one that noticed the "GOSSIP GRAMMA" screencap with MeeMaw?

Thank you for making my day.

Yeah, meme, I read something that mentioned "Celia" and I thought, now who the hell is Celia?...Oh, MEEMAW!

High-larious as always J-Mo. Have a blast dancing your bootay off, and I hope you give us a peak at a video or two! So fun!

Oh, and it's Fuck me *gently* with a chain-saw, JMo, not sideways. *Gently* Hee.

I love Heathers.

J-Mo,
first off, chocolate covered buttersticks? You are a genius! Finally a health food I can get behind. I know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow.

Okay, I for one am tired of Anime eyes getting bitched out for having only one facial expression. I hate to break it to the judges, but slack jawed mouth breathers only have one facial expression, so find something else to bitch her out for. (Note to Tye-Tye, the outfit call out was a good start. it was comepletely irrational and out of the blue. Play to your strengths ET)

Personally, I think it's been super spectacular awesome that two of the guest judges this year have been Benny Ninja and the Gaykin. According to this logic Rosie should be the sole decider of this year's People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive award. (By the way I won't be winning again this year. Why? Because the friggin thing is rigged worse then a carney game!)

Kind of sorry to see Homegirl get the axe, won't be the same without her moping around 20 minutes out of every episode. Oh wait I won't miss that at all. I will miss the doink. She never should have gotten rid of that. It gave her that sexy dangerous cholita vibe that says; "yes I am seeing someone but my boyfriend and I are one a 12 to 15 month break, and hey did you just hear the door open?" anyway, won't miss the whining, will miss the doink.

Super recap J-Mo, now I think I need a chocolate covered butter stick to make this night complete.

I saw London walking down 8th avenue in NYC and there were heads turning left and right. She's far more attractive in person than I expected and certainly doesn't look overweight...she was HOT!

Was she doing her street preacher thing?

That'd turn my head. Like the Exorcist chick.

Sorry about the delay on replying 'Gasmii, I been stuck recapping the recap episode (which is up now)!

LAjane... Isn't that a delicious picture of the Gayken? I bet he wears that outfit around the house sometimes! xoxo :)

Nemesiis... awww, shucks, thank you, I'm sorry about your comment getting deleted, but the second one you left was nice, too! xoxo :)

georgiababe... OMG, I've never heard the "Rub a dub dub" version of Grace! That was cute! I would have been smacked twice if I'd tried that. I was also shocked at Porizkunty's completely rude comment, she could have coached it a little sweeter than that. xoxo :)

juddfan... if we wind up going on tour with Ebonae I will let you know for sure! And you're right, maybe Jesus-Freak should have been more careful with the calories, but I'm glad she's not a twig like the rest of them. xoxo :)

leslie_pcc... OMG, you are so right, I completely forgot that Queenie had been trotting out that same outfit with the Wonder Woman boots every week! Good catch! xoxo :)

loopygorila... you know, I did actually see the Fo Ho/Rich-Bitch Boob Grab, but I couldn't really make much sense of why she did it or how to write about it, the audio was kind of muffled there. Maybe I should have just done a random screengrab of it. Anyhow, I'm with you, scared this is going to be a snoozer 'til the end. Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

pixielated... you know, you're right, I bet in the real modelling world there are times when girls walk in and are immediately sent back out with nothing more than a curt "Too fat!" Still, you are totally right, sometimes stress just makes bodyfat want to give a person a great big hug and then it won't leave again... at least, that's what I tell myself anyhow. xoxo :)

ReeseWitherspoon... LOL, the minute I read what you wrote I started hearing it in my head, too. Except my version is mostly sung by the old quavery-voiced German people in my family (I am a recovering Cathoholic). xoxo :)

itchy... OMG, if you find an Anime-Eyes Bobblehead Doll you must let me know so I can give them out for Xmas gifts to all my gothic friends! xoxo :)

PottyMouth... You know, I think you're right, Gayken DID kinda look like he's rapidly running out of room to critique other people's weight. Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

yentapatrol... OMG "bracket-faced" is my new favorite adjective! I will try to get a good picture this weekend, keep your fingers crossed! Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

jennaboa... OMG your grandpa sounds like a kick in the head! Is the food always cold by the time he finishes praying? I think you're right, I get the feeling Tyra doesn't care for MeeMaw, either. And I giggled at the "Lost Boys" reference... I thought those shorts made Jesus-Freak look like a chunky mailwoman. Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

sayhuh... Never fear, I would never get pissed off at someone wanting MeeMaw to stick around... at this point she's one of the few people who gives me something to WRITE about, so my dislike of her is tempered with a reluctant gratitude.

cattyfan... LOL, "systematic spite" should be added to the list of eating disorders! And you go for being a commercial professional, I highly admire voice actors, especially since I could never do that (my gay accent is so bad that I would never get cast for anything other than hairdresser, figure-skater or snippy call-center customer service rep). I'm impressed! Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

alex_w... You're right on the money, I feel terrible for Jesus-Freak, too (and thanks for the kind kudos, I much appreciate it). xoxo :)

MemeTeleholic... I'm so glad you caught the "gramma" thing, I like to sprinkle little bits like that around. Sorry about the nicknames, I only tend to use the girls' real names in the first episode, and after that I just refer to them by whatever I've dubbed them. Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

zbird... Ahhh, that's riiiight, it is "gently" not "sideways"... Now I'll have to go watch "Heathers" again to hear the original! Thanks for the love, I'll see what I can do for videos! xoxo :)

waffleboy09... LOL, I wish I could take credit for the chocolate-covered butter-sticks, but I have to be honest, that was a MadTV reference (from back when the show was actually funny). Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

Anonymous... OMG, I'm with itchy, was Jesus-Freak was speaking in tongues or something? That's so awesome that you saw her, though, I'm totally jealous! xoxo :)

Thanks you guys, I appreciate all the feedback, hang in there with me, I'm going to be doing my best to spice up these bland mashed taters for ya!

love, J-Mo :)